Black mark on board

[luciemule]

Hi - just wondering what you thought about putting a black mark next to a child's name if they're losing Golden Time. Rather than simply putting their name in the teacher's note book, there is a white board with the class list on and if they're naughty, which DS was two weeks in a row, they get a black mark put next to their name.

His was the only name last week and the only one this week! I find it very hard to believe that he's the only one who has done something wrong.

ALso, if anyone remembers the skipping rope incident I posted about, apparently he was swinging a rope around whilst playing with his two friends and the end hit one girl by accident. He apologised to the girl and as he was trying to tell his teacher that the 2 girls had been doing the same thing, she told him not to talk and then gave him the black mark! He's so upset. I just feel, it's a bit like wearing a dunce's cap; having the black mark there for all to see.

Hmmm - I thought out of a class of about 25, only one child getting a mark was odd and it was the same child 2 weeks in a row.

Also, they came to me on Monday and said DS and his friend (a girl) had lost 1 minute (wow, 1 whoke minute) of playtime as they had been standing at the gate (only 4 foot high) talking to members of the public. Apparently the teacher said the TA asked them 5 times to come away from gate. I was like "...and???" Surely as teachers/TA, how they tell a child to come away from a gate, doesn't warrent being kept behind after school to speak to us? It just seems they have discipline upside down at the school. I even said last year, when joining the school, that having a gate that children could easily climb over in the playground that goes straight onto a busy lane, isn't safe. The head just snorted and said you didn't have to have a prison to keep them in!

Yes, I agree cat64. I know he's a little monkey - it was more that they seem to want to talk to me about silly issues that can be dealt with in class/at the time rather than the more serious issues, like having a rope burn around his neck from the skipping rope that they didn't think was even worth putting in accident book!

I missed your thread about the rope burn but I do think that I would want to know if my DS was ignoring an adult in the school.

I'm sorry but I don't think that is a silly issue and would be glad that the school had drawn my attention to it so I could make sure my DS apologised to the TA.

I wouldn't have a problem with my DS's name being on the board if he had been misbehaving. I do feel it is important to encourage him to take responsibility for his own behaviour and am never really interested in what other children are/are not doing with regards to their behaviour.

I find if I get into the 'And what were the other children doing?' discussion with him it deflects from his own behaviour and becomes a bit of a smokescreen for him to hide behind IYSWIM.

Hope you get things sorted out.

I used to have all sorts of names scrawled on the board for a variety of different reasons - not only GT (and if it's on the whiteboard they can earn it back in lots of schools remember - pen doesn't rub out in teachers notebooks), but I also had lost jumpers, so and so going to the dentists... a multitude of names all over the place!

I've got one big rule that I won't ask children three times to do something - twice, warn I won't ask again, sanction... fairly simple. To be honest - that's not one I care about what the people on here think - I make a politely phrased request, with a reason why I'm making that request, I repeat it... I remind a child that I'm not going to repeatedly ask them to do something and be ignored - and I sanction, be that missing golden time, name on the board, or minutes off playtime or whatever - depends on the school (I'm supply so have to work with what a school has in place - whatever I think of it) - but I AM very clear on not endlessly repeating requests and being blanked out.

Perhaps they mentioned it to you to make it official in order t protect themselves in future...what if a security issue came about because of the talking to the passers by.

It sounds mad that there's a 4 foot high fence...and passers-by though. My DD could clear that in a hop!

But I agree abot him ignoring an adults request 4 times is a bit much.

Yes - it wasn't really about him ignoring the TA (I obviously don't want him ignoring staff and want him to be told off for things he's done wrong).

However, it was more the difference in standards - others not being told off at all when they tied him in skipping ropes and yanked a wooden board hard up onto his privates and then him being told he was banned from skipping ropes (confimred by teacher today) when he accidently swung the rope into his friend's face.

So it's more about the fairness in disciplining than him being told off. I'm the first one to tell him off if he's naughty.

Anyway - spoke to the teacher tonight and she said she couldn't even remember why he had a black mark last friday and this friday it was because he was apparently playing with a skipping rope after being banned (only child in the year of about 50 to be banned)..

Will just forget it now and hope he's as good as gold from now on!

Lucie, I am not sure you are doing your DS any favours by dwelling on this so much / questioning the school on everything. They (and your DS) need you to back them up in their reasonable requests to get your DS to behave how they need him to behave in the school environment.

You say he is a 'monkey'. Do you mean he behaves badly? Because poor behaviour really impacts on the learning of others and the school need your support to get your DS back on track.

Sorry this seems harsh, but I have seen a number of children with parents saying similar things to you (always questioning, always thinking their own child can do no wrong) and it did not end well for the children - their poor behaviour continued and impacted on their chances of success. When the school and parents work together, behaviour can really be improved.

I also agree with others that I would be much more concerned that my DS had ignored the reasonable request of a member of staff several times. That is rude and disrespectful.

x-post, sorry. I agree move on from this and support DS in trying to be good from now on!

Highlighter - no, he really isn't naughty- he's quite baby-ish for his age (he has a slight speech development problem in that he can't pronounce some of his words correctly) but no, of course I back the school up.

The main reason I spoke to the teacher today was to clarify why he was missing GT again as I was worried that he had been really naughty. The school has a really random attitude to tellings off; sometimes they'll come down like a ton of bricks for a really silly thing and yet, a few issues on bullying that we've had (and others have had too) have been pretty much ignored.

I'm certainly not a parent who thinks their child can do no wrong but it does grieve me somewhat when there's very little continuity in the approach to discipline......ie: someone tells the dinner lady they've been pushed over onto a wooden bench on purpose by the same boy as before and their leg has swollen and is bleeding and she tells them not to tell tales and go and sort herself out!

Agree with previous posters. There seems to be a discipline issue and that needs to be sorted out by you, as parents, working WITH the school for your DS's own good. I understand that it is difficult and that you may have the feeling that your DS is being treated unfairly, but even so, there are some real issues which need to be addressed urgently. He needs to know that he has to listen to teacher/TA, it is ridiculous that they had to ask FOUR times. he and you might consider yourselves lucky - in many other schools he would have been in a lot more trouble!

Thinking about this more and more last night and have a bit of an issue with the fact that they haven't put a time scale on the skipping rope ban. Not "yes, if you can show you can play nicely, you'll be allowed them back after half term" for example. It's just a complete ban on only him.

Surely this is exclusion; all his little friends are happily playing with them and he has no one to play with as he's not allowed near the ropes. How is he ever going to learn to play with them nicely if he's banned until he leaves!!

He was playing with a skipping rope after being banned, therefore blatantly defying the ban. This shows that he has no disrespect for the person in authority who imposed the ban.

He ignored the TA 5 times and didn't move away from the gate. She was interested in his safety and was attempting to move him away without confrontation or having to impose sanctions. Had he moved away immediately, in response to the initial request, there wouldn't have been a problem.

Your son lacks respect. You are obviously not helping by questionning the authority of the teachers and TAs.

"I make a politely phrased request, with a reason why I'm making that request, I repeat it... I remind a child that I'm not going to repeatedly ask them to do something and be ignored - and I sanction"

Thank you, I am going to get that laminated and keep it in my pocket :o

how long was it after the ban that he played with the ropes?
Was it the next day? I would be inclined to think that he believed the ban just to be for that day, and therefore okay to play with the next day - the teacher should have told him how long the ban was for.

How old is this child?

stoatsrevenge - you worded your post very unkindly. He's five, bless him.

I think the ban was on one day and then he played with the ropes the following day(skipping and playing a twirling sort of game with his friends): not purposefully trying to hurt people.

On Monday, I'm just going to ask for how long they plan to banning him.

I don't have a problem with them telling him off - the problem is that they're not consistant in how they tell off and what they off for.