Multiple issues raised at parents evening, how do i deal with this!

[fernie3]

My 6 year old is in year one. We moved to a new area in the summer and so she only started at this school this year.
We have had no contact or complaints from the teacher since she started but as soon as we went in last night the teacher just read out a list of issues and made comments about the school in general which left us feeling a bit shocked and worried!
We were in there 20 minutes.
Main issues

1. Our daughter doesn't talk to any children and has no friends

2.she follows the teacher around especially in the playground and copies what she says. She only talks to adults. The teacher suggested it was because she was the oldest if four she may be trying to escape the younger children...?

1. She is very messy with her work - the teacher showed us some work that has bite marks in it
2. The teacher made it sound as though the classroom was full of gang warfare or something saying things like " there are groups of boys that she avoids and to be honest I wouldn't encourage her to do otherwise" and saying that our daughter is much gentler and "dainty" than the others - she was the loud one in her old school.
3. The school wasn't one of our main choices, there were no places in the better schools ( this school nearly shut down a couple of years ago) tbh sitting in the classroom it is VERY old, rundown and badly equipped. The tea her actually seems fine but i think the school is so different to what she is used to that it is hard for her to fit in, we went from a small school with a smaller class and as it was in an area with fewer sock problems i think the class was much easier to control with less disruption etc.

I have no idea what to do about any of these things, she is already in the waiting list of the other schools but even if she actually got a place at one of those moving her again at this stage mitt make things worse!

What can i do i hate sending her when i know shes just on her own or following an adult around, we asked her last night why she doesn't speak to the children and she wouldn't really say much apart from that they don't listen to the teachers and that they say " bad words".

I feel so helpless to make things better for her :(

Sock problems lol ( predictive text!) obviously social problems !

I'm a bit by the idea of children talking to teachers to escape younger children.
Do you have any concerns at home at all? It does sound a bit wild if the teacher herself is hinting at it, but most classes settle down.

I would actually change schools as soon as you are able. I moved when I was 5 yrs and was very like your DD, luckily we moved again after 6 months and I was really happy-it was the best thing for me. It sounds as if it could be the school rather than your DD.
Could you try and encourage friendships-have DCs back to tea? Join something out of school like Rainbows?

Yep - I'd also say about Rainbows/children over for tea. Even if you doesn't say any are friends, they soon will be if they come for tea. Just ask the TA or teacher who she sits with and pop a letter to the mum into the child's book bag or catch the mum at the end of school.

Sounds a bit odd that with the things on the list, the teacher hasn't asked to speak to you until now though.

Oh dear Poor little girl.
I think maybe I'd try to find a new school. Social problems are one thing but the school should be trying to stop them having an impact in the school, not just shrugging them off and accepting them. Our primary is in quite a deprived area but the behaviour in school is exemplary.

Please don't worry about changing her again...I know multiple children who have changed and or moved three times before they were even 8 years old!

It has done none of them any harm at all...kidsare very resilient and very flexible. This does change a it after the age of 10 or 11....but it sounds like the school is a bit of a hell-hole to me!

Ask DD in the meantim if there are any little girls that she likes...and invite tthe little buggers for tea...it will help her day to day.

But really...hang in...a place wll come up eventually then shift her.

It doesn't sound like its the best school for your DD, op. I would try to move her. I know thats 2 moves and the impact of moving on a young child shouldn't be underestimated.

I moved school many times as a child and would never do it lightly with my own children as there is an impact, even if the child doesn't display it at the time.
However, from what you say, it sounds like it would be the preferable option.

Good luck with it.