If you were this boy's mum, would you want to be told?

[veryweirdteacher]

I tutor children after school (I am CRB checked and I run it as a business as it's my full time work) and have a current boy aged nine come to my house and frankly, he stinks.

it is so bad that when my family come home they ask what the awful smell is that pervades the house- I need to open windows.

This week we were working on some spelling that included the word shower so we started to chat- and he told me that he has a bath or shower once or twice a month.

I don't know whether toraise it wihhis mum, because he is in fact only coming back to me for one more lesson.

However, I am worried that his school mates will smell him, and i also wonder if she is being negligent; he said he doesn't like baths/showers so it looks as if sheis indulging his wants too much.

Any thoughts? I am sure she would be offended but is it my business or not?

I would, poor child.

I am sure she would hate me afterwards- how would you approach it? Should I write a letter- coward's way out? I only see her on the doorstep.

i think Id class that as neglect and contact the NSPCC anonymously.

I know how you feel. I remember when I had to work on a project during my student years there was a female student in the common computer room. She used to wear the same clothes every day. She smelled terribly like a dog who has never been washed. I wanted to send her a secret letter with a hint to have a wash but did not. But I could not work when she was working in the same room. I wanted to cry because of her selfishness. Fortunately there were two computer rooms so I had to move in between.

I think I would also contact the NSPCC or send an anonymous letter to the Head teacher (pretend to be a person who often meets him during the week at school). For his own good they have to do something. Have you been to his house? May be it is also stinky and he does not notice the difference. He might have a problem with his sense of smell. Or he is just being lazy to take a shower. But this is a responsibility of his parents whoever looks after him to make sure that every day he has a clean bottom, clean underwear, socks and his other clothes are changed regularly.

Lots of kids come to me straight after school and have a "school smell" about them- you can't help notice it- a mix of school dinners and so on. But this is much worse.
I know the head at his school as my own kids went there, but I was not on good terms with her - long story.

The are a very middle class family who live in a 4 bed detached house, but as he says he doesn't like washing, i think he gets away with that. Also he never wears socks even though the weather is now colder- as he says he doesn't like socks. I make him take his shoes off when he arrives as they walk ( across fields some of the way) and once his mum apologised that his feet might smell- hmmm...that's not all!

9 year old boys don't like washing! I have one myself and I'm forever telling him to get in the bath, shower or whatever. He does it though because, as a responsible parent, I make him bathe and tell him that he will smell otherwise.

I suspect if it were me I would take the coward's way out and speak to the school. If school receive a report that a child is being neglected then I think they have to act on it - and this is without a doubt neglect. His parents should be making him have a bath or shower.

If you're loathe to speak to the head is there a sympathetic teacher who would be approachable? Or Senco?

I was going to say, is there some sort of special need here? Not wearing socks could be a sensory thing.

Very difficult. I worked in a school with adult students and about once a year, we'd get one who smelled. We had a member of staff who was lovely and very practised at taking them aside. Most often it was a cultural difference, ie people from abroad who normally had servants and didn't know how to wash their clothes. Obv not the case here.

veryweirdteacher, why do not you first try talking about the hygiene etc to this boy. You could just print a leaflet for him with the information about the benefits of Good personal hygiene & Health. May be it could be one of your topics to talk about. You could just tell him that you know he does not like taking showers or wearing socks but he needs to be prepared for his next lesson. We are going to talk about it. Talk to him in a funny way. He has admitted it anyway. If he reads the information on the paper and comes stinky again then you tell him something like: oh, I think someone has forgotten his socks again. Tell him why it is good to wear socks and clean socks especially. You could even joke that your dog or your parents' dog does not smells so bad as his feet and dogs can smell horrendously. Just joke. I know it is not all about his feet but he might get the message. If he finds out that smell from unwashed body does not attract girls and friends in general he might start washing. The boy has admitted himself and even his mum so why not to talk to them or just him first. If this does not work after a few times, give him a Christmas present, pack of shower gels, shampoos, soaps etc. Of course I would be careful with presents but then you could say that you have received so many this year and you want to share this with the other people espesially those who do not like taking showers. May be he does not like showers because of boring shower gels he has at home. I would be cautious giving presents to a boy but see how it goes.

I must admit that it is probably not clever to talk to a boy about personal hygiene but he can read some general information about it anyway.

Seems odd to me to call it neglect as his parents obviously take you as a private tutor, so they must care. I don't understand that you are reluctant to talk to the parents but very willing to talk to the school. I think that is quite inappropriate if you haven't even tried to speak to the parents. Anyone working in offices can tell you that often there is a person who does not smell very fresh, same when you travel on public transport. Different people have different ideas about cleanliness. They might not be aware that they smell until somebody points it out to them.

Octavia- I won't see him after next week, so all that is no good- sorry.

Dikker- I didn't actually say i was going to contact school- another poster mentioned it and i said I wasn't keen.

The point is that his parents should be making sure he has a bath/shower more often. I dread to think what his bottom is like if he baths once/twice a month.

my DS was not keen on baths until he was about 14 but we used to make/persuade him!