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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

'No one wants to be my friend...'

13 replies

Valpollicella · 12/10/2010 21:28

DS is only 4 weeks into Reception (youngest in Reception, only turned 4 at end of the summer). All going well but now we seem to start and end each day with some very sad tales (as well as crying/tantrums) about how no one will play with him, no one wants to be his friend etc etc

I know this is probably not entirely the case (we all know how flexible 4 yo's can be with the truth) but heart is breaking for him if this is the case.

Not quite sure what to do? I have told him not to worry, to find all the intersting things to play with, to be nice to others etc etc....But it's so sad to see him so sad...

Any advice?

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ColdComfortFarm · 12/10/2010 21:30

Talk to his teacher to see if they think it is true & invite a couple of little friends to come for tea. I do feel for little boys who are so young in their year. Give him a big cuddle!

notnowbernard · 12/10/2010 21:30

Ask his teacher if this is the case

choufleur · 12/10/2010 21:30

we had similar with DS last week. he seems ok this week btw. I think having got DS talk about it a bit more it appears people didn't want to play what he wanted so he thought they didn't want to be his friend.

Can you try to gently get him to explain why he thinks people don't want to be his friend?

it's horrid thinking of them being alone though.

thisisyesterday · 12/10/2010 21:31

we arranged some playdates for ds1 with children he seemed to talk to before/after school.
if you aren't sure then ask the teacher if there are any specific children he is freindly with

in fact, mention it to the teacher anyway, because s/he can then maybe just keep an eye out at playtime in case he is being left out

Itsjustafleshwound · 12/10/2010 21:32

Speak to the teacher - volunteer to do some reading with another class and you can spy on what really happens in the playground ...

Leaving a distraught child at a school gate is a hateful job ...

Does the school have a buddy bench - a place where 'lonely' children can go so someone can come up and ask them to join in??

Does the school have a buddy system when every reception child is paired up with another older child??

Original poster

Valpollicella · 12/10/2010 21:33

Thanks all - we have a parents evening next week, so that should be a good opportunity to have a word with his teacher to see if that is the case.

Choufleur, you may well be right on the case with your point - I'll ask that too (of him)

OP posts:

sobloodystupid · 12/10/2010 21:35

Speak to the teacher: a little girl I minded years ago had me in tears when she described being alone at break and lunch. It was all, too put it politely, a fairy tale. She loved the attention she got when she told these stories, I was relieved and embarrassed and angry at the same time!

Original poster

Valpollicella · 12/10/2010 21:35

Itsjusta, I'd love to but unfortunately I'm at work during the day (I'd quite like to do that anyway, even if DS wasn't saying what he is!). Shall ask about the buddy bench

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notnowbernard · 12/10/2010 21:36

classic dd1 - "nobody played with me today" etc etc - further investigation revealed that, in fact, SHE did not want to play what others were playing

This is what Reception is all about, I think. Learning the rules of the playground etc

1234ThumbWar · 12/10/2010 21:38

My ds has said this in the past and it transpired that he was on his own for a minute or two, but had people to play with most of the time.

Original poster

Valpollicella · 12/10/2010 21:38

SBS, that's exactly why I'm not jumping in until I can figure it all out a bit more Shall definitely bring it up at parents eve next week - thank you all!

OP posts:

Itsjustafleshwound · 12/10/2010 21:40

- I am sure the school must have something in place to help with friends ...

Does he have any friends from pre-school - it was a big issue for my DD as she was only 1 of 2 children who came from the preschool and the little boy told my DD that he didn't want to play with her and all the others knew eachother ...

Acinonyx · 12/10/2010 22:42

I went through this with dd in reception and it was 90% that other dc didn't want to play what she wanted to do so that was that. I talked to her teacher - teacher did some role playing about intitiating play etc, we did at home. By end reception things were radically improved but we still have a bit of a compromise issue - but its OK - she just plays on her own some of the time and that's fine. Regular play dates with 2-3 kids have also been very important.

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