cliques

[crepe]

I am niave to think that my dd can go to school and just do her thing with her friends without other mums being frankly unpleasant to her at drop off? Will she end up with no friends if i refuse to participate in the frantic social networking? I am hoing that she/they will just do their own thing once the classroom door is closed and parental interferance fades away.

How are the other mums being unpleasant? How old is your DD?

Depends on the age of the child. Cliques are desperately strong at my DDs school, but she is now in Y6 and they gradually break away from parental influence. Why are mums being unpleasant to your child? With my DD it tends to be the ones that get invited round to play cliques, ie if your face fits/you have lots of money/spend a fortune on your appearance, your DD will be invited.

how are they being unpleasant to your DD?

Well, I have ended up being 'friends' with DD's friends mum.
The four of us were arranging stuff to in the half term yesterday.
I don't think it's a clique, just practical really as the girls are friends
Are other schools really that bad??

2 dds are friends but other mum does not want them to be friends so tries to steer dd in other direction and ignores my dd but her dd adores my dd and wants to be with her so it is a little awkward . I don't really want to say much more but atm my dd is oblivious but it looks pretty odd from where i am standing. I am perplexed that an adult would behave in this way - the dd's are tiny!

There are certainly friendship groups at my DCs school, sure, a lot will have met at ante-natal or nursery or whatever. But I have honestly never witnessed any "Steering" by mums. Where do you live crepe??

Something like this happened to us at preschool and I never understood it.

There are groups of us at DD's nursery who socialise and we have a night out this week with DS's primary school.

I'm always of the opinion that 'the more the merrier' so forward on the invite to anyone I have contact details for who haven't been invited. I certainly wouldn't be funny with someone or their child if they didn't participate.

Am also arranging playdates with other children but basing those on who my DCs and their teachers tell me are their friends.

I don't "do" the cliques for many, many different reasons and I used to worry it would affect DS's friendships as so many of his friends mums practically live in each others pockets. They do Sunday lunches together every week, shopping trips (puke), basket weaving clubs (double puke), learning Italian together, et cetera et bloody cetera.

It has never made a jot of difference to his friendships and he now is proud to be more independent and individual than some of his peers. He realises that some of them, even at age 11, are sheep who will just tag along to fit in (like their Mums).

ha ha, i think you have hit the nail on the head. You see, i don't much want to be friends with these characters either and am perfectly happy with my non school friends. so I hope that my confident ds can just get on and do her thing too. She certainly dosn't need me muscling in on her territory . I'm more than happy to be friendly with non lunatic mums but don't feel that i must entertain this type of malarky

Thanks vegasmum, i agree. My ds is what she is but i'm sure they can sort it out themselves.

It could well be something along those lines

Thank you crepe you have helped me understand the situation i am in. I'm sure it will work out fine.

We had a Mum at my DC's reception class who arranged a playdate with EVERY child in the class (15)one by one... and then ditched all the ones who lived in a house with less than 4 bedrooms!

We laugh at her now...they left for a posher school in the end thank the Lord! The little girl was nice enough but her Mother! What a total mare!

This is my first time, so I suppose that makes me a post-virgin. I keep reading your posts and tittering with relief.

In my daughters small class there is a Mum who in my opinion is engineering a class split for the sole purpose of procuring a friend for her daughter. I have been worrying that I am being irrational.

I see from your posts that said Mum has been to a fair few schools in the country and in the words of my 4 year old It's not all in my imaginations.

crepe thanks for posting I have had similar experiences at my DC school. DC is currently in year 1 and the cliques appear to really be forming.

I have always tried to talk to everyone and be friendly although this has not always been reciprocated.

I am sure as the children get older the influence of their parents will reduce and their friendships will develop. Bigfootbeliever seems to confirm what I am hoping will happen in time to my DC.

I think when my next DC starts school I will drop and run as sometimes it does seems that relationships at the school gate are more complicated than the kids in the classes. It does seem a shame as most 4/5 year olds all talk and wave to each other it is the parents that seem to have the 'issues'!

It does get boring after a while and can be upsetting too. I try to be polite and friendly to people and be receptive to people who want to acknowledge your existence (those that don't well that is up to them). It is impossible to get along with everyone but I hear where you are coming from!!!

Bump

sounds like shes being pretty obvious about it,

if thats the case I would take the bull by the horns, ask her what she is doing, and depending on what her answer is , say

' so you thought you'd take the high ground by bullying/alienating a child!'
preferably loud enough so people can hear, people like this sadly need to be embarrassed usually.

Sounds like my childrens school too. I am polite to everyone and try to say hello. It can be really difficult getting a response from some of the moms in the cliques.

One of my DD's made a lovely friend but it fizzled out. From what DD told me, another girl (moms in the same clique) became jealous that my DD and friend had become close. Everytime my DD and friend had conversation the other girl would steer friend away and my DD would hear her demanding to know what she had been talking about to my DD. DD friend was fine when other girl was not around but was very uncomfortable when other girl was there.

DD has accepted it and moved on. I feel sorry for her friend as she is a lovely girl but is manipulated by other girl. The two moms are very close and the families holiday etc together!

My dd has no close friend yet ( Recp) but she is very close to 2 local girls at different schools to her and I'm encouraging this as I feel too much depends on school and It will comfort her to know that if she ever did have issues at school she still has her other 2 chums. We see them in holidays and for tea time dates etc and everyones happy as they are not in each others pockets and love the time they do get. Dd is sociable and plays with many children but seems to prefer this arrangement.
I notice most of all the posters on this thread have girls. Funny. Boys really are different

I have two dds very different. I invite as many children as possible back for both. The younger one (7) wants everyone back to play, would have the school gardner as long as it meant someone coming back to play. She is hyper social and just generally hyper.

I try and have everyone in the class once a year to be fair, it is a small class. But after that I try to have the children who suit my family. The ones who aren't demanding of my time and are happy to play with my dd independently rather than wanting to be with me all the time. Also if they can get on with my other dd.

I always make a fuss of special needs children to make sure that they are never left out. All too often I see mums who really don't want anything to do with children who aren't perfect. They see it as a waste of time, effort and possible future contacts.

Remember the ones in cliques are the insecure ones, I'm totally secure in who I am and that's how I want my girls to be.