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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

School stipulating bedtime??

45 replies

SuiGeneris · 09/10/2010 18:00

Is it common for (day) schools to stipulate/suggest a bedtime for children? And, if your school does, do you comply?

One of the schools we are looking at suggests certain bedtimes (7.45pm for 8 years olds, etc). DS is under 1, so difficult to know what will be going on in the SG household 7 years from now, but would be stunned if DS went to bed at that time, as it would mean he would v seldom see DH during the week. Even now, he tends to go to bed between 8 and 9. School is question is otherwise a good option, but I am a bit at the suggested bedtimes and am wondering what would happen if we simply ignored their suggestions and then one day the subject of bedtimes came up at school...

OP posts:

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Elibean · 09/10/2010 20:55

Suggestions are one thing, reality another.

I'm not at all amazed at the variety of bedtimes for kids - there is quite a variety of kids out there, with quite a variety of varying physical needs!

My 6.5 yr old has always, since she was aged 2 or 3, slept 10.5 hours per night. 11 max, and 12 only if she's ill. My nearly 4yr old seems to be following in her sister's footsteps - believe me, I've tried putting them to bed earlier, but they lie awake frustrated or wake up very, very early.

Their school suggests no such thing, but if they did, I'd nod nicely then think hard about what my kids needed.

mejon · 09/10/2010 21:15

Elibean - thank God! I thought my 4 year old was the only one. She is a regular 10 hour a night girl with very occasional 11 hours. She goes to bed at 8 and takes up to 30 minutes to go to sleep. She'll be awake anytime from 6am the following morning. Earlier bedtimes result in even earlier mornings and I certainly don't need that! I'd imagined (and hoped!) that once she started in reception she'd be utterly pooped but she just keeps on going - she doesn't get it from me!

CoinOperatedGirl · 09/10/2010 21:31

Well you can put them to bed any time you like, you can't force the buggers to sleep though. My nearly 4yo goes down at 7-7.30pm and usually goes straight off, however he wakes from 6am onwards.

My 7yo doesn't seem to need the same amount of sleep. I put her down 30 mins after her brother as they share a room so 7.30-8pm. She usually farts about for at least half an hour. Theres nothing I can do to force her to actually sleep. Even when she had a room of her own she was the same. She would sleep till 9am if I let her, and does on weekends.

ValentinCrimble · 09/10/2010 21:32

My DC's school suggests 7.30 which is what I have always done anyway...it's sensible. They get VERY tired at school and need 12 hours...they don't perform well with much less.

Original poster

SuiGeneris · 09/10/2010 21:35

V interesting. Desertgirl probably has it right that it is a cultural matter. In Italy, where I'm from, children go to bed from 9pm with no apparent ill effects (and no nap after school). I am hoping DS will be like me and be able to dine with us before going to bed- the concern is that the school (if he goes there) will take us for inconsiderate selfish parents rather than understand it is just another, equally valid, lifestyle.

OP posts:

pooka · 09/10/2010 22:01

But what time would you expect your ds to get up for school though?

If he goes to bed at 9pm after eating with you both, and needs 11 hours sleep, getting up at 8am might be pushing it in terms of having breakfast/getting dressed and getting to school.

When school starts is probably a better idea to work back from the getting up time, taking into account how much sleep he needs and adapt bedtime if necessary to suit.

pooka · 09/10/2010 22:05

Incidentally, my ds1 (5yrs) needs less sleep than dd (7yrs). He goes to bed at about 7.45pm but is oftern still awake reading an hour later. Up at 6.30am though. DD goes to bed at same time and yet sleeps quickly. Gets up at about 6.30am too, though is very hard to wake her if she's gone to be later the night before.

Mine eat early because they're ravenous after school and then we like them to have good winding down, bathtime and reading time after supper before they go to bed. If they were waiting on dh for their supper they'd be starving and there would be lots of hurrying to get them in bed at a reasonable time.

Hulababy · 09/10/2010 22:07

I have never heard of a school suggesting bedtimes. DD's school certainly doesn't and the school I work at doesn't either.

My 8y DD goes to bed, on a school night, sometime between 8 and 9pm, depending on the activity she has been doing that night. After drama and Brownies she doesn't get in til after 7:45pm anyway so the OP time would be out of the question.

Children vary massively. So long as your child isn't tired during the day I think most parents can determine a bedtime themselves.

Hulababy · 09/10/2010 22:08

My 8y needs about 10 hours a night.

mrswoodentop · 09/10/2010 22:13

Have never heard of a school suggesting bedtiems however I think you will find that mthe norm in this country is for infant school children to be in bed between 7pm and 8.30pm at the latest.

There are a lot of children who don't see their children in the week because of this ,but it is the norm

mrswoodentop · 09/10/2010 22:14

Sorry there are a lot of children who don't see their fathers during the week

mrswoodentop · 09/10/2010 22:14

Sorry there are a lot of children who don't see their fathers during the week

elphabadefiesgravity · 09/10/2010 22:19

My two have to be up for school at 7am which means they are in bed by 8pm. (Recently increased the time from 87.30pm)

This means that dh doesn;t see them much in the week (he works away 3 nights and is late in the others) but dd would be so overtired if she went to bed later. She is 9. Ds who is 6 seems to need a little less sleep.

maktaitai · 09/10/2010 22:19

Blimey. Another 6-year-old who needs, or at least always sleeps, for 10 hours here. Surely at least part of it is how close you are to the school? We are in nice time for school if we leave at 8.45am, hence up at 8 or even 8.15 is fine really, hence ds goes to bed at 8.30, sleep at 9.30 and up usually around 7.30.

Where's bonsoir? Probably not bothering to post as she has said so often that bedtimes are obviously entirely cultural.

BeenBeta · 09/10/2010 22:22

Or DSs school does suggest a bedtime because it was getting to the point that some DCs were sat yawning in class. One girl I know for sure sits up until 10 pm and she is in Year 4.

Tortington · 09/10/2010 22:23

parenting by proxy, you gotta love it

just invest in the parents please govt.

bigchris · 09/10/2010 22:24

This worries me because my four year old is put to bed at seven and often faffs about until nine or ten
she's going to be a pain when she starts school in January

emkana · 09/10/2010 22:25

maktaitai, I'm totally with you. My children have been going to bed at 9 (lights out that is) since they were 7 and 5, and even my four year old goes to sleep at 9. 9 year old gets up by herself at 7 and is totally fine, the other two get up between 7.30 and 8 and are totally fine as well. I really don't think you can say that all children "need" x amount of sleep. Incidentally, NHS website says no set amount of sleep is needed, but guideline for eight year olds for example is 10.25 hours. If he/she went to bed at 7.45 that would mean getting up at 6 - what on earth for??

maktaitai · 09/10/2010 22:30

bigchris, never underestimate yourself or your child - you'll work it out between you.

Whocantakeasunrise · 10/10/2010 12:30

bigchris if she doesn't need it she doesn't need it.

I battled with my ds of getting him up to bed at 7pm, and battling until 9.45pm when he fell asleep. Now no battle, he just has to be quiet in his bedroom (pushes cars on his bed, or flicks through books), and 9.45pm he's asleep.

It's the time that suits him.

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