school trip groups - would this request seem neurotic?

[saadia]

Ds is in Y4 and is going on a school trip next week - they are travelling by tube.

Over the past two weeks one girl (let's call her D) has been telling another girl (S) to grab ds and push him against the fence when they are lining up after playime.

I have spoken to the class teacher about this. Yesterday it happened again and the lunch lady told them off.

The impression I get from ds is that S has some form of SN and he has said that he is sometimes afraid of her. Also both girls are taller than ds.

Anyway, I am considering asking the class teacher to ensure that ds is not put in a group with these girls for the school trip - my main concern being the danger on the station platform if they suddenly decide to push him.

I'm sure school has risk assessment and safety measures in place, so would this request seem OTT?

Not by me - I would request that due to previous issues that the school are aware of to separate them.

I requested this once for my dd who was getting verbal grief from another girl. The school said of course they would as it'd make it a much more pleasant trip for my dd.

Hopefully your school will have same attitude.

The more problematic children usually stay very close to the teacher during school trips, maybe you could ask the teacher how they pair children up and how they keep an eye on the more troublesome ones (in a diplomatic manner of course...)

thanks whocan... and stillconfused - will speak with teacher tomorrow. I thought she might think I was being unreasonable. I did actually volunteer to go on the trip but they have enough helpers.

No way is that unreasonable and I would do the same. I would also take DD to Karate...the little horrors! SN or not...the school needs to stop this now!

I had similar problem with DS and child who wanted to "own" him as it were. Teacher was thrilled I'd bothered to tell them - I said DS was becoming upset and anxious, talking about it a lot etc. Teacher said they'd just thought they were very close friends. Upshot was I asked if they could not always pair them up for partner things, lunch queue, trips, anywhere where they needed a partner.

I'd stress that you approach it as DC is anxious - not that you are - and they'll react better. Emphasis is on the child's concerns not yours. Just do something diplomatic and say DC seems quite worried about the girls pushing him and has now started worrying about what wil happen when they're out on the trip, traffic etc. Maybe say you've been sressing traffic safety at home on the tube, zebras blah. He seems to have put the two together and is becoming anxious about the trip. Now you're worried he's so anxious as he's loving being in teachers class and really enjoying school so you're keen first trip goes well. If they don't suggest keeping them apart then suggest it yourself. But if you feed the right info they'll probably come up with your solution themselves. At which point you thank them profusely for such a clever simple idea.

Diplomacy and child centred - not parent centred - concerns are the key to all conversations with school if you can.

Sorry meant I wanted to ask teachers if they wouldn't partner them up all the time and they suggested it themselves.

I'd make the request to the teacher.

I'd be willing to guess the girl combo will be separated for the day anyway. Funnily school trip groups usually separate tricky combinations and any really tricky customers end up in the teacher or TA's group - anyone would think it was planned that way ;-)

Just go in and ask, say you're worried about it because of pushing and stations and I'd doubt it will be a problem.

Yes, I think they've probably already have thought of it (I certainly would have). But it won't do any harm to check. You could maybe put it like, "I'm sure you've already thought of this, but..." Shouldn't be a problem.

thank you everyone for your posts they have really helped - will speak to teacher today. stillbumbling I think you are right about putting the emphasis on ds' concerns - hadn't really thought of that angle and it's good advice for any future issues.

Not original I'm afraid, but wasadvice given to me by someone who works id child services area and has always been useful to date. Also just seems sensible.

Do come back and tell us how it went/goes.

I spoke to the teacher and emphasised ds' anxieties- she doesn't think they are in the same group (did groups ages ago) but said that the class had been given firm rules about how to behave. Also a parent friend is going so she will keep a look out. I will also tell ds to keep well away from the platfrom edge and stay close to a grown-up at all times. Trip is on Monday - will let you know how it goes.

Thanks to all who posted, ds back safe and sound - had a lot of fun. Said he was put in a group with just one other boy well away from the girl in question who was in fact in the teacher's group.

Well done for letting him go, flagging up your worries and trusting the teacher to act appropriately.
Yes, if you are doing your job properly, all the little challengers end up in a paid adult's group.

Hooray. Well done. Go'd it's hard being a parent...