reception class worries

[wooler]

hi all,
my child came home from school saying that nobody would play with her today. She has said this a couple of times but seems fine the next day. Today though she said she felt really sad, so I'm worried this is properly affecting her.
I have spoken to the teacher about this but they don't think there's a problem.
Help!!!

Go and spy on her...that's what I did....if you can see...have a little look. It may seem obsesive or stalker-Mum like...but who cares? I kept worrying about little things with mine at this age...but two spying trips and my mind was at rest.

At this age, one hard playtime can be over emphasised by such young kids...

Hiya

To be fair they do talk a load of old rubbish sometimes.
Did teacher say she is playing alone?

Find out if your school has a "playground buddy" system and ask if she can be buddied up with someone, this can really help.

I wonder whether she really means "no one would play the game I wanted to play".

My dd has come home a few times saying that she had no-one to play with. It turned out that she wanted to dictate the game, and when no-one wanted to play it, she wasn't prepared to play with them.

Try having another chat with her.

Unfortunately the 007 routine isn't going to work, but I have got the dinner ladies to do the spying thing for me.
They do have the playground angel system in place and she has played with them a couple of times, but she said they were playing with other children yesterday.
I just feel so helpless about her feeling sad!!

My DS is at pre school (but is 4 and will be going to reception in January). He has recently been telling me that he is being excluded from playing with other kids and like you I was really upset.

Pre school observed and actually he wasn't being excluded at all, but he was finding it difficult to join in and found the games being played a bit boisterous for him.

He perceived it as being left out as he felt unable to participate, but actually it wasn't because the other kids were being unkind. Does that make sense?

He needed some help finding his place and now feels better.

It doesn't really matter if the being excluded is real or perceived, your DD feels sad and maybe the school need to help a bit more?

Everyday since he started reception 4 weeks ago DS tells me that he didn't play with/talk to anyone all day.

I tok it with a pinch of salt at first but did start getting a little concerned so mentioned it to his teacher who virtually fell about laughing.

Apparently DS is one of the most popular boys in the class and she says that absolutely all the children say this and it is both nromal and almost always inaccurate.

Also DD who is Year 1 often says no one plays with her and in addition to having this confirmed as untrue by other parent helpers further digging usually uncovers, as littlefish says that what she means is "no one would play what I wanted to play".

Sometimes this does make DD sad, but not the sort of sad that worries me IYKWIM.

nancydrewrocked, that is my dd's story too. Every day for the last 4 weeks she has said that no one played with her and she had no friends. She'd give me a lot of detail about sitting alone and colouring because she didn't have any friends! After two weeks of this, I was really concerned, and asked to speak to the teacher. She fell about laughing too. Apparently dd is quite popular, but also a bit on the bossy side and likes to be the one organising the games. Obviously, there are times when the other kids said actually I don't want to play that game and went away to another table. DD took this as having no friends, even though the same kids would be happily playing under her "direction" half an hour later!!

I think the others have summed it up better than I have and maybe I also need to be a bit less PFB!

I think my DS also likes to direct play and needs to feel the games are going his way and that he is very involved. If he is not then he says other children won't let him play - in fact they do, but like others have said it is the games they want to play not the ones DS likes to play.

I am glad to see it is not only my DS who complains of having no friends.

To be honest, I think they are still getting to grips with what it means to be a friend and what it means to play with someone. Hopefully they'll have a better handle on it all by the end of reception. DS told me that he didn't play with another child he likes because 'he already has a friend so he doesn't want another one' Again, he was sad about this. He doesn't read it as 'x was busy today'

Always worth checking out though, especially if she seems sad

Another vote here for 'no one plays with me' and yet when I too checked it out, it turns out my DS is in the thick of everything!

They do seem to come out with some weird stuff don't they? After his first day at school, DS told me that he did nothing, talked to no one and the only thing which happened was that the reception teacher knocked him to the ground and left him 'all alone, bleeding and sobbing'. Unlikely to be true!

What littlefish said.

Agree with many of the others. But would add that if you are worried then try and organise a couple of after school plays with his classmates. Ask him who.

I found a chance for him to play 1-2-1, even just once, really helped him with friends at school. It's like after that they know how they related to each other, once they've been forced/manipulated (?!) into a situation where they have to find common ground and see what they both enjoy. Also find it makes them more likely to compromise with those kids too because they seem to understand each other better.

Good luck!

Thanks for all your comments and advice.
I finally got to the root of the problem. Her big cousin in yr 2 kept taking her off to play with her and her classmates and wouldn't let leave her alone. A little chat was all that was needed.
Thanks again