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My daughter has a nasty nickname - by another mum!

7 replies

Cross99 · 01/10/2010 11:10

Wasn't sure where to post this but I think I need a little perspective!

My DD has had an on/off relationship with a child in her class, I'll call the child 'P' I became quite good friends with 'P's mother, at times to my daughters detriment as I would hear things that 'P' would say once her mother was out of earshot but would try to brush over it/make light of it for the sake of my relationship with her mother.

'P' has been verbally nasty to my daughter at school and has had her in tears on many, many ocasions. I tried encouraging my daughter to ignore any nastiness and to encourage other friendships.

My daughter has been doing this as best she can but its bakfired as 'P' then accused my daughter of 'bullying' her. I was confronted by 'P's mother. It upset me greatly the way in which she accused my daughter of bullying without once considering her daughters part in it all.

I decided that I really didn't want to maintain the relationship with 'P's mother so I backed off, for the sake of my daughter and also for my sake as I was beginning to feel that she was targeting my daughter unfairly. I stopped going out of my way to talk to 'P's mother, in fact I backed off from the school playground in general as I was so upset by it all. And to be honest I began to see a completely different side to 'P's mother once I was out of the thick of it. It now transpires that she is considered 2 faced by the majority of the playground.

Fast forward to today and my daughter and 'P' are getting on great(!). My daughter asked why I don't talk to 'P's mum much, I told her that I just don't see her around very much anymore (didn't want to tell her my feelings on it all!!). She then divulged that 'P' had told my daughter that her mum has a nickname for my daughter. I won't repeat it on here. But its certainly not a complimentary one! My daughter wants me to start talking to 'P's mum again so that 'P' s mum will stop calling her this nickname!!

How bloody cross am I! Despite my feelings on 'P' and her mother since this blew up, I have never ONCE spoken about it in front of, or to, my daughter. And certainly not given 'P' a nasty nickname!!

My poor daughter! Am I right to be as incensed as I am?!

OP posts:
youknowmeasharimo · 01/10/2010 11:12

Sorry, but you are going to have to tell us the nickname.

Judgement cannot be passed without the name Wink

IUsedToBeFab · 01/10/2010 11:14

I am not sure I would let my child go round to someones house who called them mean names.

BeerTricksPotter · 01/10/2010 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Callisto · 01/10/2010 11:19

TBH I would have backed away from this woman the moment I heard her daughter saying something horrible about my daughter. 'Brushing it under the carpet' just tells your daughter that you won't stand up for her. Ignoring nastiness doesn't enable her to stand up for herself either.

It all sounds so childish to me, why can't you be honest with your daughter? 'Darling I don't really get on with P's mother anymore because she can be a bit unpleasant. I would rather you didn't play with P so much and you won't be going to her house again if her mother is calling you names'.

youknowmeasharimo · 01/10/2010 11:25

oh, and what Callisto said.

Cross99 · 01/10/2010 11:38

Thank you for your replies - a little blunt but then I did ask for perspective.

Yes, in hindsight, perhaps I should have backed off from the mother before I did. At the time I thought that trying to teach my daughter coping mechanisms was better than 'calling time' on both 'friendships'. I suppose I hoped it was just a 'phase' with P and that the loving side of her would prevail!

Callisto, you gave a good suggestion on how to respond to my daughter. I worried that by being honest with her it would make the issue bigger than it was. After all, she and 'P' are getting on well now and my daughter is quick to forgive whats gone on before. Its the name calling that has gotten to her so I suppose yes, I should be showing her than I will NOT be friends with a mother who choses to behave like this. Then my daughter knows clearly that I will stand up for her. If she choses to play with 'P' at school then that's her choice.

Again thank you for your replies,

OP posts:
Cross99 · 01/10/2010 11:39

By SHOWING I meant EXPLAINING!

OP posts:
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