How not to be a pushy parent - teachers and anyone else, I need your help

[moginthedark]

We're about to start looking at schools for DD, who will go into reception next year. We're quite lucky, as there are several within just a few miles of us - but I don't really have a clue where to begin. I've read the OFSTEDs, and they're (mostly) all 'good' with one or two outstanding points.

So, my first question is, what are your top tips for looking at a school, things to look out for that might not be obvious to someone who has only ever dealt with schools as a pupil until now (and that quite some time ago)?

My second question is a bit more tricky. DD will be 4 in a couple of months time, but can read (*see disclaimer below). I am worried that she is going to find the literacy bits of reception boring, but I also know that all parents think their child is uniquely advanced and that teachers hate pushy parents. So how do I put this to a school, without getting their backs up the first time we step through the door? I'm putting off school visits at the moment because it all seems such a minefield.

(*Disclaimer in the hope that I will not get flamed: I did not teach her to read, she has never seen a flash card, she just learnt herself. I honestly wish she hadn't as I am so afraid that reception will put her off learning for life. She is not talented in anything else and is a bit rubbish for her age at jumping, talking to grown ups and getting dressed. It's just the books.)

Simply ask "and how do you differentiate?" Maybe adding a "for instance if a child can read before they come into reception?"

Mine could and it wasn't too big a problem most of the time as reception is so much fun. He progressed anyway. Year 1 is a different matter so far and there has been no apparent differentiation at all.

Don't just focus on reception, look at the whole school.

I'm not sure why so many parents think that their child will be the only one in YR who can read?! And I'm not being facetious, honestly .

A lot of children can read when they reach Reception, it's nothing to be embarrassed about.

As for what to look for - are the children happy and engaged in their learning and do they have positive relations with the adults.

HTH .

Firstly teachers don't hate pushy parents (they don't really hate any parents) it's a myth.

Secondly even if your daughter can read there is an awful lot more to literacy than reading

to your first question visit the schools when the children are there and get a feel for them ... go with your instincts

Ask what's on their school development plan
I did :D

Thanks for all of the suggestions - it will probably seem less daunting when I've actually seen a school or two.

Mychat - that's good to hear.

Knitting - I thought so too, but then I asked a reception teacher I vaguely know what they did about children who could already read, and she said that she had thought about it, but had never had one in her class. That's when I started to worry. Well, that and the stories on here about children being made to read all the starter books in the reading scheme even though they were above that level...

And Goblinchild, I am intrigued. What is this, and what happened?

Really? Suppose it will depend hugely on the school.

However, any teacher worth their salt will differentiate and provide lots of extenstion activities for your DD.

I would start going on some visits and then report back - we'll interpret!

Don't worry about her finding it boring - my DD has just started reception and reads fluently, has done for 18 months or so. She still has fun "learning" her letters and doing stuff along with the class - a good teacher will make it enjoyable. She just gets a harder book than most (I should imagine) to bring home and read.

Well according to my dad, I was reading the Daily Express before I started school . My dd on the other hand has followed the phonics method at home, knows the alphabet and can read lots of words in English.

At her French speaking school though, she is dead excited to learn the letter "A" with relevant hand signal (think A for Nazi" and to see words with A in. I would have THOUGHT she might be bored, but she isn't at all.

Knitting - yes I was a bit too. And I think it's got a fairly average intake too. But I shall set out soon and let you read the runes for me!

Owlicecream, that's very reassuring too.

And I am literate myself, despite using the word too in almost every sentence

Like you I was very concerned about my dd going to school already able to read.

After she was accepted to her school they sent home some sheets for parents to fill in concerning what you thought your child could do and what songs they enjoyed and if they could dress/undress unaided etc. So I made a note on there about her reading. Plus on the 'come and look round your child's classroom, meet your teacher and teaching assistant' evening thing. I asked the teacher if she could be aware that my daughter could read already.

After the first week the teacher came out to talk to me and asked what level I thought she was on. The following day my dd came home with a reading book. I'm fortunate in that my ds had this teacher two years ago so I know her a little but she has generally been very helpful. My dd is the only child in the class with a reading book, the others won't get one til half term, and she often forgets to hear my dd actually read! But the point is she has not had to go through all the picture only and the 1-3 words per page stage at all!

I'm probably in the 'pushy parent at school' category, I'm trying not to be though!

I'm another parent with a child who could read before starting school. I didn't bother telling them. They assessed all the children in the first couple of weeks and he brought home an appropriate reading book after that. My DD is also reading already, nursery are more on the ball than they were with DS though and she's been allowed to start the reading scheme books already (School attached nursery).

I honestly don't think it's that uncommon for children to start school being able to read!

I really wouldn't worry about the reading thing tbh. My dd was reading fluently when she started reception last year and I did wonder if she'd get bored by all the phonics work, but she was fine with it - I think she found all the actions etc quite amusing! In fact, she loved every moment of reception, and she is now loving year 1. :) fwiw, we have found the teachers to be quite good at differentiating work so far, but this does appear to vary considerably from one school to the next.

As for choosing a school, I am a big fan of gut instinct! As others have suggested, visit when there are plenty of kids around and see how happy and engaged they look.

Agree with julybutterfly that it isn't uncommon! And we didn't tell the school either - they figured it out for themselves quickly enough, so there wasn't any need. Anyway, I imagine that the vast majority of teachers will have dealt with this situation before - unless she's reading shakespeare or something :) - and they will know how to handle it.

When I looked round the schools I was more concerned with how the kids were - how well behaved and what the general atmosphere felt like when I was shown round the classes.

If the school feels right and the kids are happy then they must be doing something right and they will pick up on what each child needs.

Please don't get too hung up on the reading as the teachers will sort out the right level soon enough. Trust them, they do generally know what's best for the kids

I do worry sometimes when parents trust their children to us for 6 hours of the day but don't trust us to pick the right reading book!

I'm not so much worried about the reading books, as by the sheer amount of time that they will be spending on phonics etc, and whether or not she will be bored. Although a lot of that fear probably comes out of my own experiences of school, and it's clear from all of these reassuring posts that this probably won't be as much of a problem as I think it will, so thank you for that.

Spanieleyes - part of the question is how I find a school which I can trust. And I'm afraid that some of my fears come from reading threads on here in which schools have been amazingly intractable about children completing all books in a reading scheme regardless of the level they come in at.