DS been at school 2 weeks, just heard that he is hitting/shoving others; what to do?

[thehairybabysmum]

I'm absolutely gutted, had first parents evening tonight, basically a 5 min chat about how they are settling in. He has been at school for 2 weeks exactly and is realy missing his nursery and friends there. Every night and morning he tells me he doesnt want to go to school and misses nursery etc (he didnt know anyone at he school when he started). I did however feel that he as OK whilst actually at school and was making friends and happy.

However the teacher has told us that he is hitting, poking and shoving other children a lot; he even made someone's mouth bleed yesterday. He has also had to have a couple of playtimes stood with the teacher as other kids have said he has been not been playing nicely.

Teacher did also talk about positives and spoke to him about having 'kind hands' so i dont have an issue with how she has handled it or anything like that. It is just that i'm absolutely gutted as had no idea that he was behaving like this. He can be a bit 'shoving to younger brother at home but he does get told off and does understand this is not acceptable. He came in from this after DH talking to him about this in the car on way home and clattered his brother before he'd barely got in door!!

I am basically stumped as to how to stop this type of behaviour...we have had a 'chat' tonight and i have said we will do a chart...if teacher says he has had kind hands all daY At schol then he gets a star, star every day = friday trip to sweet shop on way hom

Any advice/tips anyone??

Am also now paranoid that he is going to be the 'naughty' boy in the class..after 2 weeks

He will stop.
I found that a zero tolerence at home helped enormously at school.This meant any hitting and he was sat on the floor /excluded to another room etc for 2 mins and then had to apologise.
ALso i had a system of the teacher gave me thumbs up for no hitting at the end of school pick up time so no one else needed to know what he had been up to.If there had been no hitting inschool then he got a sticker and if he did no hitting at home that day either then he got a small prize (hot wheels car).

NOt good giving children stickers for what they should be doing anyway. But praise for sure.

Zero tolerance too definitely.

I wouldn't give treats either...just verbal praise...and removal of treats/toys for when he hits.

It's not abnormal though...Ive seen lot's of it. I am surprised his teacher didn't tell you on the days it happened though...in m DD's school they alwys let parents know when they collect their kids.

I agree that it should not have been sprung as a surprise...maybe the teacher was hoping she could get it sorted out before telling you.

Zero tolerance works in my house definitely.

Good luck, I have been on both sides of the fence with my kids (aggressor and victim..) and both are equally upsetting.....!

Thanks everyone, yes i have been softer on zero tolerance as i have been letting stuff go due to him being unsettled. It is now reinstated!

To be fair to teacher she hasnt seen me this week until tonight as he goes to breakfast/after school club mon-weds.

And yes i guess i can sell the friday treat as usual and remove it if he does hit.

Still...she could have put a note in his bag? Not fair to sprin it on you at parnts evening...though I remember my own DD's firsrt parents evening and her teacher said "Oh she neer speaks at all...not to anyone! She's too scared to get up and gt a new crayon!"

I was devestated! Still...she is in year 2 now and very talkative and confident. So take heart...they're like differnt kids when a year passes.

I don't think it was wrong to spring it at parents evening, seeing that they are having parents evening this early in the year: not as if she'd waited the best part of the year. I think it sounds as if she is handling it well and you are on the ball and it will be resolved. Try not to worry too much!

I agree with Cory, this seems to be one of those issues where the teacher would be damned if she did and damned if she didn't. It's only two weeks into term, it's probably taken this long for her to realise that this is a pattern of behaviour and not a few isolated incidents. I don't think she should have sent you a letter in a bookbag, I would find that more upsetting particularly as I would have opened it in the evening and not had an opportunity to talk to anyone about it until at least the next day.

Is it possible that he is just very tired from school? Even kids who have been to nursery find school a very different experience. Presumably the breakfast/after-school clubs are new for him too so it's a lot for him to process all at once.

OP - I could have written your post myself! Only slight difference is that DS plays with the older children (not allowed apparently!) and it can get a bit physical.

Relieved that the pushing is through play rather than nastiness, but still want to stamp it out.

We had 'the chat' this morning so fingers crossed when I pick him up later we will have had a better day!

DS has a sticker chart for good behaviour. When his behaviour is not so good, usually the threat of drawing a black cross on it is enough to correct behaviour. He has been warned that there will be a black cross tonight if he has not played nicely.

Let me know how you get on and what works - don't want DS to be the 'naughty child'! It has made me feel a bit better that I'm not the only one out there having this problem!

Porkpie - will teachers put notes in lunch boxes? Only ask as person who runs after school/breakfast club has soft spot for DS and didn't tell me of any issues, only found out as DH finished early and picked DS up from school!

Thanks everyone.

I think a note would have been worse TBH. I have posted on my other thread about his in BehVIOUR but basically today was not good.

Here's too tomorrow!