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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

My ds refuses to do his homework...

35 replies

licketyspilt · 25/09/2010 21:34

My ds is 5 and in Y1. If I try to get him to do his homework eg. keywords, draw a picture, do numbers, write letters/words - whatever the teacher sets - he gets really angry and flatly refuses. He says "that's what I do at school not at home".

Unless it's reading a book and then he is fine (which is great!).

I am trying to understand a. why he doesn't want to do it, b. why he gets SO angry and to figure out how i can help him.

He is young in the year and not as far ahead as a lot of the other kids. It took him a long time to settle into school last year but seems happy with it now.

Any thoughts and advice gratefully received.

OP posts:

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usualsuspect · 25/09/2010 21:35

tell him not to do it then..frankly homework for a 5 year old is ridiculous.

southeastastra · 25/09/2010 21:36

my nine year old hates it too, so do i

i tell him to complain to the school that he doesn't like it

it's really unfair imo

HeftyNorks · 25/09/2010 21:37

I would talk to the school about this. My DS did NO homework until this year despite it being set and the school were fine as I explained why there was nothing coming back. My DS is autistic but had not been diagnosed at that point. Your DS is not likely to suffer educationally as a result of a little bit of missed homework.

CarGirl · 25/09/2010 21:38

I would write in his book that he doesn't want to do his homework and leave it up to the school to set the consequences. I think it's our job to support the school, so if they say he has to do it in playtime then you support the school by telling him that it's his choice IYSWIM.

Personally I don't agree with homework at infant level but I do support the school through gritted teeth!

activate · 25/09/2010 21:39

tell teacher you deem him not ready for homework and he won't be doing it until you do

she will most probably agree with you and laugh

simpson · 25/09/2010 21:40

I am dreading this as from next wk my 5yr old DS (youngest in yr) also in yr1 will have 3 pieces of homework a week.

A reading book which he will be fine with

A maths worksheet which will not happen

5 spellings a week which may happen with lots of chocolate bribery...

charlieliz · 25/09/2010 21:42

as a teacher of special needs I can completely understand why an autistic child would not want to do his homework. At his age I wouldnt be pushing it with any child - its really aimed at showing parents what they have covered that week in school and I always tell any parent who is having trouble not to make it into a big issue and just to leave it - the last thing a teacher wants is to be creating battles about school at home.
I would talk to his teacher - and also try and explain to him the reasons behind the homework - I have a 12 year old with Aspergers and he now sees the point and does it religiously.

MollieO · 25/09/2010 21:50

You have my sympathy. I had this in yr 1 and now have it in yr 2. Ds goes into complete meltdown at anything that involves writing. He doesn't seem to care if he gets all his spellings wrong and doesn't take any care with his writing.

I've decided, as of this evening, that I will ask him once to do it. If he doesn't I will do a note to his teacher and leave it at that. I can't cope with his temper - shouts, screams, hits, throws things etc etc.

Interestingly ds is happy to do his reading and absolutely loves doing maths homework.

Original poster

licketyspilt · 25/09/2010 21:51

Thanks for the comments they are really refreshing to hear.

All I hear from the Mum's I know is how much their little d's love doing their homework. Which just meakes me feel something must be wrong with mine.

I think I am going to relax and focus on the learning he does like doing.

Many thanks.

OP posts:

ColdComfortFarm · 25/09/2010 21:56

Agree,don't do and ask the school for any evidence that homework for five year olds has any benefit whatsoever. It doesn't. Most teachers hate it too, so will prob be relieved. Let him read and play, that's how five year olds learn.

ColdComfortFarm · 25/09/2010 21:57

I don't believe in any homework for primary aged children. I never had it and believe it to be a bad thing.

activate · 25/09/2010 22:01

I had this in reception with 2 out of 4

3 of them now do good homework under their own steam (9 to 17) and the almost 6 year old is starting to enjoy it but only based on the fact her brothers get on with it so she has an example

do not worry

it's not a race and the best performing children in the long run are those that aren't forced and put up boundaries

pointythings · 25/09/2010 22:18

I have 2 DDs in Yr 3 and Yr 5. Homework is a blight on our weekends. It's a little ebtter for DD1 as she is being set some quite interesting homework which is not a repetition of stuff they have been doing in school, but DD2's stuff - save me! And then they have spellings too. I'm opposed to homework in primary school and only support it because I don't want my girls to get into trouble and be made miserable in school. There is actually NO scienitfic evidence (by which I mean large-scale randomised studies with peer review) that homework has a positive effect on academic performance in primary school, and even in secondary school the evidence is tenuous.
Having said that, schools can't win - there are apparently all these parents out there who think that homework is great, that it somehow 'proves' that the school is doing its work - WTF??? IMO proof that the school is doing itsd work woudl be that my children are doing well WITHOUT having to drill endlessly at home!
With a child as young as yours, I wouldn't make it a battle and simple send him in with a note each time. He's so little, he needs time to be a child and play.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 25/09/2010 22:22

I found setting a time limit helped. I used to get ds1 (now Y3) to do 5mins or 10 mins with a timer. When the timer went off we stopped even if we hadn't finished and I wrote a note saying this x minutes work. At least then the child knows exactly when the work will finish and the school can gauge if they are expecting too much work from them.

Original poster

licketyspilt · 26/09/2010 07:45

That's interesting that there is little to no evidence that homework has a positive effect. I want to support my ds but more importantly I don't want to turn him off school - he's got a long way to go until he gets to the end!

Like MollieO I can't bear the shouts, screams hits etc. anymore either. I am pretty strict with my ds but I just see this as a battle that could do more long term damage than good.

I like the timer idea. :)

OP posts:

Malaleuca · 26/09/2010 08:16

The Y1 teacher at my school regularly sets interesting homework for the children, activities to be done with parents. This is part of the overall learning programme and the children who regularly complete the homework are well ahead of the pack, according to the teacher.

Problems with HW should be discussed with the teacher and perhaps the school at a policy level if parents cannot get compliance from their children.

Some have mentioned that HW may be part of home-school links. It may be something that requires close supervision that a class teacher cannot supply in a class. Support of children with HW tasks is sometimes onerous but I doubt any teacher sets it without good reason and the expectation that it does benefit the children.

ColdComfortFarm · 27/09/2010 09:58

You know, I hate the 'activities to be done with parents' homework the most. How DARE teachers tell ME what to do! I'm not their pupil. I went to school myself, and now I'm a grown up and I don't have to do their poxy bloody homework. I don't tell teachers what to do in their classrooms and I resent them (OK, not their fault, to be fair, they are under the cosh from the gvmt/head/ofsted) telling me what to do in my own home in my own time. And there is no evidence of benefit from homework for children of primary age. Ack, just chuck it on the fire and take the car downtown, you know it makes sense!

Original poster

licketyspilt · 27/09/2010 21:19

I am painfully aware that those who do their homework are probably well ahead of the pack.

It doesn't help those of us whose d's - for some reason - cannot bear to have school in the home.

Non-compliance is not the issue.

OP posts:

OuchPassVodka · 27/09/2010 21:44

Licketyspilt: ds had colouring in and copy the letter type sheets last year. he was asked three times. he never did any of the homework sheets but was still way ahead of the game. he would do the actual homework but we did a variation. so for writing he wrote a postcard once a month to his dad, favourite cousin or favourite grandparent.

Spellings we had a major temper over this week, which was unsual but was because he felt he could achieve what they were asking him to achieve.

This year he is mostly self motivating with regard to homework but i think it is because he wasnt forced to do it last year, and because when he is struggling (eg with wanting to read the school books) I have spoken to the teacher and agreed an alternative. So this week he has read one school reader and 2 chapters out of his favourite series book instead of the 3 school books expected. Also he didnt want to go to the library to research his topic in books so we sat on the internet and did it.

I think the best thing you can do is speak to the teacher there might be a compromise if he has to do the homework. else they might be happy to accept your decision about the homework. schools ime are happier when you show you are trying to work with them but know the limitations of your child (especially mood)

OuchPassVodka · 27/09/2010 21:46

lots of coulds which should have been couldn't. sorry

MollieO · 27/09/2010 21:48

I discovered this weekend that there is a 'rubbish table' in ds's classroom (called that name by all the pupils, apparently). The children who sit there are the ones that aren't very good at their work. Ds was sitting there since the beginning of term but has now been moved. This was news to me (that he had moved and that it was called the rubbish table) but corroborated by another parent.

I'm a bit gobsmacked that there appears to be some sort of setting going on. Having said that ds is not bothered whether he is on that table or not and there is nothing that I can do to persuade him to do his homework without the usual threats. Even though ds knows children in his class who like doing homework and are ahead in some areas.

The only glimmer of light is ds's newly discovered interest in reading. He has suddenly realised that if he concentrates he can actually read very well. At least that has reduced our nightly battles (now focused on writing).

LeChatRouge · 27/09/2010 22:01

When my DSs were of school age I used to ask them once to do their homework and if they wouldn't, I would leave it at that.

I do not support homework for infant/junior age children, they have already spent the whole day at school, as soon as they were home they would be out in the garden or we would go for an long walk up the hill/drive to the beach. I didn't want a relationship with them that involved nightly battles!

My twins (now 16) didn't really do much homework at secondary level either - I talked to them and said I would help if they needed it, but never coax them - instead they would have to face the consequences with their teachers. Cue lots of conversations at Parents Evenings! They both did well in their GCSE's and are now doing A levels.

MollieO · 27/09/2010 22:24

I ask once and that is enough for a complete and utter meltdown. I say I will write a note in the homework diary and ds then cries and says he wants to do it, but doesn't. He also won't do anything else - eat his tea, get ready for bed etc etc - until he has done his homework (his choice). It is just the process of him sitting down and actually doing it.

SofaQueen · 28/09/2010 06:42

Actually, I believe that the research about homework at the primary level is quite mixed, and there isn't a conclusive yes it is bad versus a yet it is beneficial. From what I gather from the research I have seen, homework, done well, is good for home-school links (parents knowing what is being coveed in school and also for children to realise that schoolwork does not stop at the school gates).

I think that the way to handle this situation is to talk to the teacher and come up with a mutual situation. The worst thing to do is to appear to be going against what his teacher is saying ( ie, by telling your son he doesn't have to do the homework given).

I had the same issue as MollieO - getting DS1 to start his homework was a struggle, but once he started, he'd fly right through it. However, I kept at him and he is now, with (a tad) greater maturity, will pull out his homework and start it without me telling him to do it.

Malaleuca · 28/09/2010 09:42

It surely depends what the homework is for a particular child. Nightly reading for instance is homework, surely no-one could deny the value of this kind of HW practice.
I recall having a lot of HW at secondary school learning French vocabulary, various formulae, really quite useful stuff that there was not time to do at school. Schools nowadays have overstuffed curriculum so routine practice of skills is often left for home. Sure you needn't do it,but those who do benefit, so I find it hard to believe the stuff I read about 'research'.
This type of research comparing 2 groups of children must be extremely difficult to do in a meaningful way.

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