People are mean to ds, how can I toughen him up?

[moffat]

Basically ds1 had just moved up to Year 4, he is a very dreamy child and, although able, isn't always as switched on as he should be in class. He has told me today that sometimes when he asks children on his table a question - eg today they were filling in forms and needed to write down the school phone number - they refused to tell him and said it was a secret. Or just in conversation if there is something he doesn't know about they laugh at him.

I have told him to pay more attention in class, ask the teacher when he needs help etc but I am just concerned that he is too soft and finds it hard to accept that people are not always kind and helpful. I know he needs to learn that this is how the world is. Is there a way to help him with this or should I let him develop his own way of dealing with it?

Is it that they are being unkind, or is it that they find he is distracting them by constantly asking them questions instead of listening to the teacher in the first place?

Speaking as someone who ended up doing a disproportionate amount of my friends' work for them so they could relax and think of other things, I am just aware that that could be a possibility. I frequently wished I had the nerve to be unkind and unhelpful.

On the other hand, it could be that they are using this as a strategy to exclude him and in that case it needs to be dealt with.

I'd have a word with the teacher. If he is being bullied, the school needs to act. If there is a problem with him distracting the others due to the lack of attention, he needs to be pulled up on it.

Just don't jump to conclusions about who is being unkind until you have heard more.

Thanks cory, that is true - he may be distracting them - but the comments he reports suggest something more like mockery. I don't think that it is really bullying (thankfully) I have told him to be more with it so that he doesn't need to ask for help.

Even when I tell him something he only half listens and I have to repeat things. Actually that is probably a big issue for ds. But he is also quite naive - probably more so than his peers - and is always amazed when anyone is rude or unpleasant to him.

Have his ears been checked recently? I just wondered as my dd used to go off into her own little world and not concentrate and it turned out her hearing was poor. Since sorting it out she has been much better...

Sorry if it sounds obvious, but have you had his hearing tested recently? Hearing problems can have unexpected consequences and often can be easily treated.

He may also have issues with processing auditory information/short term memory if he needs instructions repeated often.

If he has problems with social skills, you could ask the teacher what strategies they have in place for that, such as a buddy scheme.

Are there any after school activities where he could get to know a few of the children a bit better, or could you invite them over? Once he has an ally or two in the classroom the other children may well back off.

Thank you for your suggestions runoutofideas and idon'twannadance - I had not considered the hearing aspect I think that would definitely be worth looking into. There is a Parents' Evening coming up so will ask the teacher about how he is getting on socially in the class.