forces children.

[PavlovtheCat]

DD is at a school were it appears the majority of children are from forces families. We had a good chat with the head about the implications of this, children leaving, new children coming and were not only reassured this was dealt with sensitively, but it was clear that this made the school ethos quite special as it was more of a 'family' environment, the kids are given support to deal with the potential 'loss' of class members who would leave, the children leaving were celebrated and new children are given a great welcome. Support is there and is ongoing.

I was told that the transient percentage (ie those who do not stay) is around 20%. It is a small school.

DH and spoke a lot about this, and felt it was not a problem. Our fears were perhaps that DD would become attached to friends who would leave but felt this was not that much of a problem if managed well.

However, it is clear that most of the school are forces children. everyone in her class, or rather the parents, they know each other, there is no-one who does not know someone and I am left sort of standing there, attempting to make eye-contact, smile or something friendly.

Now, I am not bothered about me making friends with parents. But I am becoming worried about DDs relationships, or rather potential relationships in her class. These children already know other children, and I worry she will miss out on opportunities to meet new children, which she might have if she started at the same 'new' level as others in her class if it were not full of children who already know each other. Little things like, not being invited to play at other's houses as they don't 'need' another friend, or being invited to parties as they already have lots coming.

Have we made a mistake sending her here? I am not sure what my fears are, other than the cliques that are already in the school playground at home time might spill over to her social development somehow.

Anyone able to reassure me? offer me some pearls of wisdom on how to handle this to help DD make friends and stop me worrying? DH said we have to join the PTA and to stop worrying as it is all so new.

we were forced...there was never a problem....and my dh had a stationary job,so no moving

am sure some parents will do also

I think, i am not so worried about the transient side, but more the cliqueness that might mean the forces children stick together and DD might be excluded. I know I am panicking. She already has two 'friends' she plays with and it is the first week. Just worry as she is so sociable and I was a quite insular as a child. I don't want her to digress!

I was a forces child, most of the schools I went to were forces only in Germany, but I went too one school in the UK that sounds very similar to the one you are describing. I think you will find that it'll be fine, there wlll be so many children coming and going that she will have plenty of opportunity to make friends. This was 22 years ago, but I am still in touch with 2 girls from that school who weren't service children and stayed on after I left after only 1 year and a half.

Try not to panic! This isn't really different to joining a school where it seems nearly all the children came from one nursery. She's on her way to making two friends, so hang on in there.

The "churn" will be greater than in some other schools, this will provide opportunities for new friendships; and as the children get older, you'll find that peripatetic Forces children are usually very very good at rubbing along with all sorts - this is likely to be a plus.

The downside is that patch life, if you are unlucky, can be horribly cliquey. If the parents all fall out, you get a whole new set of problems....

Am a parent with a DH in the Forces. I have had my DC in schools that have both forces and civvie kids. When we were at Lyneham there were only 3 civvie kids in my DDs class of 30. I didnt know any of the other mums when we moved there, and that is the same for most Forces families when they move into a new area.

Some people are clicky and rude whether they are civvy or Forces. I have experienced this before and its not nice but mostly in my experience no one gives a hoot whether you're forces or not. Its about who gets on with who and who the children make friends with.

Its still very early in the school term and school year. The Forces mums may all be sticking together purely because they may know each other from the base mums and tots or play group etc and not because they are forces and you're not. I am sure in a few weeks time there wont be such a them and us.

Just because we are Forces families - it does not always mean we're there all together as a big happy family. I would like to think we are - after all most of us are in the same boat - a long way from family and friends, new to the area at some point and knowing no one or very few people. Some bases I have lived on have been bloody awful others really friendly.

And if they Forces lot are clickey and dont want seem to want to get to know you in a few weeks, just think that soon enough new Forces families will be moving in - knowing no one.

Give the kids a chance to settle into the term. Find out who your DC plays with at breaks etc and suggest a play date in a week or 2. Birthday invites etc will soon start coming in and I reckon you'll soon get into it!

Try not to worry. I know it can be daunting, but give it a few more weeks before you start panicking.

i think you might be only noticing the ones who do know each other tbh - there are likely to be a lot who have newly arrived during the summer, and are anxiously looking around for new friends.

with forces schools there are always a large precentage of changes every year, so it's not possible they are all longstanding buddies - it might look like that from the outside, because forces folk generally are used to dealing with new situations and people and 'look like' they know what they are doing/ that they know everyone, etc. it's a case of having to!

i bet you can get dd to choose some girls or boys from her class and get them over for tea and play.

forces kids aren't aliens, lol. most parents would be over the bleeding moon if a real life civilian invited her kids over - a chance to get off the patch. i know that's not what you meant, but it would be like throwing a lifeline into the goldfish bowl, honest.

I work in a school with a slighter higher transiency than 20%, and would concur totally with what you've been told by the HT.

Teachers are able to assess new children very quickly (often within a morning) and will always have systems in place to welcome and integrate new arrivals with buddy systems.

My ds attended the school, and throughout primary, rather than just be stuck with 30 or so other children year in , year out (remember you can be VERY unlucky with cohort), he passed through school with 50 or 60 other children in his class at one time or other. It sounds a bit cliched, but it did help him to understand change.

Forces children often have a wealth of knowledge about other countries - many have been born or have lived abroad. This is great in many areas of the curriculum.

It is a great idea to join the PTA (or governors?). We have forces and village/town PTA members and governors, and everyone pitches in.

If your dd makes a friend, invite her home - then you'll meet other parents and find they're not any different! We have lots of 'static' parents who are friendly with forces parents - many forces parents are without any family and support and would welcome local friends.

Your dd will find that children do leave the school, and, for a time, may miss a little friend. However, rather than this being a negative thing, the transiency encourages children to play in groups rather than rely on 'best friends'. Group support is very important in a transient community and forces schools will recognise this.

I hope this helps. Our school is quite large and, I think, very happy, despite the constant change. As a teacher, I find it a very dynamic and exciting environment to work in, and greatly enjoy meeting new children and helping them feel at home.

cat I am more worried about her opportunities for long term friendships, rather than the move on of children. I do feel the school is very experienced at handling the ever changing groups, and pride themselves on the small close knit school were the kids look out for each other. I have seen this already, when we have visited the school, kids have just come up to DD and said hello, as if she already went there and they were so lovely, cooed over DS (a boy of about 5 was so lovely to him!).

I am not really sure what I am worried about really. Like I said, not so bothered about school ground politics with the parents, but sort of feel the exclusion might escalate to DD. i knew I would be crap at all this kind of stuff.

oni there is a nursery attached, and I think some of those parents have sent their children there. It is a long story why DD is at this school, but she is lucky to be there, its a great school but its a very 'local' school, so perhaps it is not just the 'forces' aspect that I am getting but the 'nursery' bit too. lots of the parents have kids in other years, which is to be expected, but I thought there might be one or two parents in the same position as me, but no, not 1 that I can see (only one reception class).

At least by the time DS goes there, in nursery, i will be part of the furniture!

this time next year you will be the one welcoming new faces, and so will dd.

Children tend to make friendshisp purely on teh basis of whether they get on, rather than if they live close to each other or if their mums know each other. I worked at a forces school and there was no distinction between the forces and the few non-forces kids when it came to friendships.

Between the officers' and the squaddies' kids however...

Oh ladies, thank you ! I feel calmer. This is the aspect of it all I have worried about i think, school. Tantrums, misbehaving, can deal with that! but school is a big mystery from parent point of view! We have had such a big influence in how DD socialises and integrates and develops and now we are passing that over to other people and I worry about whether we have made the right choices. And you have helped me realise I would probably have had these fears whatever school she went to!

And then, i think about the school she could have gone to .