2 disastorous play dates in a row! Please reassure me that my 5 yr old is not going to start school next week and become the class bully!

[springchik]

:( :( Yesterday his little friend from preschool and his mum came round for the afternoon. THey will both be starting school together next week. They fell out and mmy ds1 hit him and pushed him over on a number of occassions. It was over new toys that ds1 got for his birthday earlier this week that he didnt want to share. :(

Today my friend and her little boy aged 6 came round after school. They argued over a toy and my ds1 actually punched him in the mouth hurting his teeth. Not surprisingly they left not long afterwards. But not before my little boy tried to break one of his new toys that my parents got him and tried to pull my friends child off the settee not understanding why he wouldnt play with him in the garden! :( When I tried to talk to him I literally got screamed down so I got nowhere!

I just cant believe my little boys behaviour and it has left me really anxious well even more so than before about him starting school next week!

I think see how things go in school, how did you react when he hit them etc

I remoeved him from the room tried to tell him off but he screamed me down refured to apologised so I apologised but I didnt know what to say it was so horrible.

outside of playdates give him lots of 1 on 1 attention and cuddles. could be he's picking up stress about starting school. i wouldn't arrange more play dates for a bit. just give him a breather until things settle down again. or go out with friends to the park. don't have them round where he feels he has to protect his stuff.

Agree with warthog it could well be pre-school stress/nerves. One of DS's friends was always like this when we (or he) were at his house so I used to make a point of inviting them to us or meeting on neutral territory.

Yes it could be preschool stress. He has said to me a number of times he will miss when hes at school. He is only doing afternoons for the first couple of weeks though.

Couldnt' ignoe this. When ds started in reception I arranged quite a few playdates but ds was a nightmare --think he was too tired after school and just not mature enough- only child so not used to sharing. I bascially stopped for a whole year, explaining to school friend that he was too tired from school etc and now we do meeting up in the hols only..works well, he is not too tired and has matured a bit now ..

Just not worth is otherwise

"Only child not used to sharing"

I bristle every time I read stuff like this. I am an old child and so is my DD. She was and is willing to share to a fault. It is not a matter of being an old child, it is a matter of how you are brought up!

I agree, not all onlies are terrible at sharing!

OP I can understand you feeling nervous, but I would agree with other posters he is still only young and when he does start school only arrange playdates on non school days (they are so worn out and sometimes moody when they first start). Stick to weekends or school hols, try meeting at a park or indoor play place. In DS's class we usually arrange a meet up like this towards the end of a week off for the kids to get together and it seems to work well.

Hitting, punching, etc I would be mortified too, all you can do is stick to your usual discipline techinque and ride it out.

A tip if you do have children over in future - before we have children visit I explain to DS that he will be sharing his toys and if there are a few special toys he feels particularly possesive over (like your mention of a new birthday toy), then this can be put away but that I do expect him to be kind, just as his friend lets DS share his toys at his house.

"old" child?? Twice??

Don't know where that came from. I mean, I know it was Saturday morning but still...

only child!

Oh gawd - my ds - same age been doing the same over the summer.

I wonder if it's just a phase and he'll grow out of it.

Hard bloody work and it's driving me nuts. He had a 30 min meltdown the other day -in public.

Could it be the end of the summer hols and he's looking forward to being other kids regularly again?

please don't stereotype "only children"

DD literally passes out her toys on playdates, her friends who have siblings are extremely anxious about sharing their toys.

DD1 behaved atrociously on a playdate when she'd just started schoo last year, hitting and punching the other child. I was mortified.

Its stress/exhaustion/immaturity. School teaches them a lot about sharing and how to play together. Give the dates a rest until after Christmas or even longer, he'll socialise enough in school. DD1 was commended for being kind and thoughtful by the end of reception so she came a long way in a short time.

I think the territory thing castlesintheair mentions could be coming into play here. I used to think that DD was very good at sharing when she was smaller - surprisingly so. Then we had a few people back here and I realised that we almost always went to other people's houses, and she was good at sharing anything she took, and the other child's toys, but back on home territory with her own stuff - not so good. She was better by the time she started school anyway, but for a child who's still struggling with sharing at home, school is neutral territory and perhaps less likely to cause problems.

my ds behaviour always deteriorates when he is anxious about something. I would see how school starts before really worrying.

I had a disasterous one where DS (almost 4 at the time) wouldn't share anything. He was familiar with sharing with DD who is 2 but chose not to share with his friend on this occasion. Not everyone's cup of tea, but afterwards I told him that he had been really naughty not sharing his toys and upsetting the other boy and that we would not have any friends around again. So I didn't for 6 months - then I made sure that the friend who came round after that great big gap was a boy that he had "chosen" himself, a boy that he absolutely adored and spent loads of time with. Additionally, we spoke every day for the week leading up to the playdate about how DS would share his toys with this boy and each day he agreed that he would share his toys. It was a great success when the boy came - DS was kind to him and they had such a great time, the other boy cried when he had to go home!

DD2 (4 in a few weeks) is one of 4 DC and has trouble sharing.
She starts foundation 1 next week and had a playdate yesterday with a friend from nursery who will be starting with her.

I was appalled by how awful she was about sharing. I baked cakes with them and they both squabbled over who held the bowl/spoon etc and then when I made them lunch DD got very territorial about who had the pink barbie plate and who had the plain pink plate. In the end I had to make little sandwiches for them and put them all on the barbie plate for them to share. Thank god it worked.

I think/hope that once they start at school they will learn how to share. We can just hope

I think it is quite a hard concept, having friends over and sharing your toys. I always think it would be so strange for adults to do this to each other's things. Opening each other's cupboards and saying 'I can't believe you buy Yorkshire Tea! It's like tea used to be! We always get Twinnings'

You could ask him before he has a playdate if there is anything precious he would like to put away in your bedroom and talk about what he does want to play with when his friend comes so he is looking forward to sharing with his friend.