Tears at school - in Y3?

[ravenousbugblatterbeast]

DS has just started in Y3 and has been upset most mornings since starting back at school. He's never been a particular fan of school, he's a home body, my one and only, and while I'm not the most uber-mummy (I work from home and he tends to amuse himself quite a bit, he doesn't have my constant attention), he obviously prefers to be at home. Don't we all!

Last year DS had a bad start, displaying lots of (minor) bad behaviour in school, such as poking and pulling hair (completely out of character for him) which was eventually sorted by Oct half term, explained as a blip due to moving up to Y2, and he was fine after that. On starting back this year however he's been in tears on alternate days, having to be led in by the teacher.

Each morning he says he doesn't feel well, constantly, from the time he wakes up to the time he gets in line, and I try to be chirpy but sympathetic - "Oh dear, poor old you, you'll feel better, don't worry..." sort of thing. I know I shouldn't be pandering to him, but I feel wretched leaving him crying most mornings, and don't want him to hate school even more if there's anything I can do, anyone I can talk to to make it (even slightly) better.. Should I approach the head of KS2 and see if there's anything she can suggest (the teacher's NQ - nice but terribly young - I really need an experienced view)or would that be cementing my position as an over-anxious PFB mum..?

Any ideas?

If it continues for more than a few days I would be concerned, because it does seem to me that Y3 is quite old for this kind of behavior.

No idea at all what you can do, apart from talking to him and his teacher and trying to find out actually what he doesn't like about Y3.

If you're really really lucky it will be something trivial and easy to fix.

You could be talking about my Ds who has just started Yr 2.

They went back last Thursday, and he cried both mornings last week, this week he has been better,he cried on the way to school Monday, but calmed down before he got there, but I was in the school working Monday and Tuesday for a couple of hours, so he got to see me.

He hasn't cried the rest of this week, but that's only because I've bribed him with a small toy today if he didn't cry.

Although he hasn't cried he has complained of being unwell every morning before school, and like you I just say poor you, being in school will take your mind off it.

I find chatting about fun things on the way to school helps him take his mind off it.

He took ages to settle into Reception class (took till Xmas) although last year he settled quicker.

The only other thing that helped (at his worst in Reception) was him going in before the bell went, so he could 'help' the teachers. He used to put the pencils etc out on the tables. .

I would say have a word with his teacher, see if there's any problems in school, and hopefully she may be able to suggest some things to help.

It is hard though, I've even tried the 'people will tease you for crying' stance {blush] (wicked Mum] but even that doesn't help.

I hope he settles down soon

Thanks everyone. I hope we're coming through it now, after lots of bribery and positive talk - there's still the pretty much daily feeling ill report, but he goes to school and goes in relatively ok. There's only a TA there 3 days a week, and I haven't met her yet, although I have attempted to get in their good books by sending in home baked biscuits on one occasion...

I've been in to help out in class for a couple of hours once a week for the last 2 weeks, so that might well have helped, it certainly helped me in getting to know the teacher who is still terribly young but seems to have a good grip on the class.

Fingers crossed it keeps getting better...

Sorry to join in late, and with a view that may not be helpful but...

It seems to me that bribery and positive talk may achieve the goal of getting your son to go into school nicely, but this may come at some expense to him. Isn't this just the suffer-in-silence stiff-upper-lip business, and is that what you want?

I do see all the other things you are doing in trying to get to the bottom of the problem and make things better for him. I'm not implying that you are trying to brush it all under the carpet. And I have absolutely no experience of trying to coax an unwilling child into school! I just question whether it makes sense to encourage your little boy to hide his feelings when he is unhappy. Might this teach him to bottle his problems up in future years because he has got the message that mum doesn't want to hear that he's unhappy?