HOw long does it take a 7 year old to get used to a new school???

[minko]

My DD has just started in yr 3 and has been doing fine, but when she comes home she's had fits of hysteria and 'I don't like it' this afternoon and yesterday afternoon. She's finding it really hard to make friends and 'break into' the group.

HOw can I help her? I spoke to the teacher this morning who said she'd try harder. I think she asked another girl to look after her but according to DD she got abandoned at break time...

Anyone else been through this??

We're going through it just now. DD wants to go back to her old school - also spoke to the teacher this morning and thankfully it was a better day. I expect things to be tough till at least half term. I think it's very stressful for them to be in a new environment all day with people they don't know - she been exhausted everyday and very very clingy.

Gawd, it's hard work. She just keeps crying now, have left DH with her as I have to make the tea. I keep crying too and feel totally guilty about putting her through it.

She's putting on a brave face whilst she's there, but says heartbreaking things about how she tries to go around smiling all the time at school but no one plays with her...

What can you do to help??

Please go back into school and talk to her teacher.Put a letter in her hand in the morning outlining your concerns and ask her to ring you tomorrow.
My daughter started a new school last Week (year 2). On Friday night lots came tumbling out about unkind children and standing alone at playtime.So I wrote and said, in a low key way, that we were worried she was not getting off to a good start.
I asked the teacher to alert the lunchtime staff to her needs and also asked her to identify 3 girls to look after her.I figured that 1 might get bored of the job.
we have had 3 much better days this week.Girls like mothering other girls if the teacher asks them to and I
Give her something to look forward to when you pick her up.Break your rules and buy her a cake/comic/sparkly pen whatever and tell her that you will have a treat for her.take her for a hot chocolate somewhere and keep home as nurturing as possible at this time.
I feel for you having done this with my older two as well in the past as other half's job has relocated a few times.I do know from experience she will get through it.Ask about clubs she can join too and don't worry about making her needs known to the staff.I am a teacher too and am sure the teacher would want to help.
Hope it picks up soon - no scrap that - it WILL get better really! xx

Sorry for errors - first post and thought you could edit afterwards.Obviously not.

i feel for you minko and am watching thread with interest as my new starter is in tears and doesn't want to go back because 'no-one will play with her'. she's usually very confident and says she asked everyone and they all said 'no'.
i did talk to the teacher this morning but no good - by break time dd refusing to go outside and in tears. heartbreaking. really concerned this will put her off school.

My ds is going through the same thing. He's only 4 but over here they start school at 3. He had a fab year at his last school but we moved and now he's finding it hard in his new school (doesn't help being the only english kid there). I dropped him off after lunch and thought it would be nice to watch him play for a bit but after 15 mins of watching him being ignored by the other kids, wondering around on his own and eventually sitting under a bin by himself I was a gibbering wreck. I spoke to his teacher and she's doing her best to get him involved with the other kids but I still spend every day with my gut churning for what he's going through. Fingers crossed for us all that this is just a first week glitch. Good luck to you all.

have none of your dd's moved to juniors with their friends from infants?
Have they been put into different classes?
or have you all moved areas?

We had the tears on Monday - she needed a good cry to let it all out. She's a sensitive wee soul - readily bursts into tears.
I've bigged up what she's done - being incredibly brave, lots of kids wouldn't agree to change schools. Dh and I have both talked to her about our experiences when we started new schools, Uni and new jobs, we've talked about how awful we felt but also how that feeling goes away as you become more familiar with everything and gradually make friends. She trusts me that it will get better.
We've had favourite teas, cooking in the evening, more storytime.

Exactly the same here Bluehair. Have just finally managed to talk her into bed. Now she'll be exhausted tomorrow which isn't going to help... It's very hard when kids don't articulate their worries but lash out and get hysterical. It's taking a lot to try and talk DD round...

We have moved area. There is only one intake in her year so no choice of classes. I will tell the teacher again tomorrow. I am worried it will put her off school altogether if this her 'foundation' for it.

Having spoken to her, the classes and everything are interesting, the teachers nice, dinners OK. It is just break times and making friends that worries her.

Well, we had a good day today. Ds played with anothe rboy at playtime and has learned some other names so fingers crossed.....

How is everyone else doing?

It took my DS about 2 weeks to settle into his new school (he was 8) 18 months later he absolutely loves it, doesnt mention any of his old friends and feels like he has been there since the beginning.

I found it helped to make friends with the parents of some of the people in his class and arranged play dates. It allowed him to make friends on a one to one basis without the pressure of everyone else around.

Hope thy all settle in soon. I know how difficult it is

Good news Puddlepuss. Today was another good one, she has regained her sense of humour. I am very pleased but also still expecting a few more shakey days before we are completely settled.

I am so proud of her because I know how hard this is.

How did it go Minko - any better today?

A bit better today so far. The teacher is lovely. She has started a home/school liaison book, where the teacher writes the positive things that happened during the day and we write how things are at home.

Not entirely happy with her school though... Not sure I could put her through all this again though...

Well we're into the 3rd week now and she is doing really well. Has sifted out a few good friends and seems fine. Also at home she has made friends with the neighbours kids and is having a great time.

The thing is she seems to completely resent me. She looks at me with real contempt and is often rude and naughty. It's not like her at all, she's usually very happy, easy going and bright.

Is this normal? I know it's been hard for her but will she ever forgive me!!?

Minko I think it's her age. My dc has now more or less settled.

I'm thrilled with the new school - it is so different to the school we left and I can hardly believe it. We have moved from a school with an outstanding ofsted to a ofsted satisfactory school but definitely improving. The staff are full of ideas and energy and are lovely. My dd comes out of school bursting with news and talking about all the exciting stuff they are learning about - what a difference.

We went through it as Xmas with DD. It's so hard for both of you and heartbreaking to watch. It took her a good 4-5 weeks tbh. Now she loves it, has loads of friends and seems very happy. Your DD will get there it might just take a while.

Has she got any friends yet? Could you invite someone over to your house at the weekend?

Her friends still seem to be changing. She's trying to find a 'best friend' I think. She likes to monopolise one person and that's going to be hard when all the friendships are already established in the class. I've asked her if she wants to invite anyone round but no-one so far. She's very happy playing with the neighbours when she's at home.

Anyway, I just hate being the target for all her frustration when I'm doing my best to help her. Maybe it's a blip. Or maybe as things had being going OK last week I wasn't prepared for her to go downhill again...