Sick the day before school starts ... what do I do tomorrow?

[cakeforbrains]

DS1 is 4 and due to start in reception tomorrow. He's v excited about starting school and knows its tomorrow.

But ... he was sick at lunchtime, and he's had a couple of mini sicks since then (sorry if TMI). We were visiting a friend this morning, so I think he had too many biscuits plus he's a bit nervous about tomorrow, rather than it being a sickness bug. That said, he's asleep at the moment which is unusual for him.

He's the sort of child who can be ill then running about normally a few hours later, so if he does perk up later would I be a terrible mum to send him into school tomorrow. I think that missing the first day of school would make him really sad and also really damage his confidence and the way he settles in.

What do you think?

Oh, I feel for your quandry!

Dd1 broke her arm the day before starting in Y1 - had to stay in hospital so missed first 2 days. Took her longer than her friends to settle - not good.

However, if you have any concerns AT ALL that this may be a bug then keep him at home. He's perfectly able to say (if he happened to be sick at school) 'I was sick 3 times yesterday' and you will be persona non grata in a big way with the staff. And other parents if they find out (which they inevitably will).

My gut reaction is always to send them (it's awful when they miss out on stuff) but on the other side of the argument (I have a friend who always cuts short the 24/48hr rule and consequently shared the bug with my 3 several times) I would be furious if my child caught a bug from yours when it was preventable.

Sorry but that's the way I see it!

Meant to say my gut reaction is always to send them because I hate the thought of disappointing them but end up not sending them because on the other side ..... etc

His confidence will be damaged longer term if his mum gets a reputation for allowing her child to start spreading a bug. Another day really won't matter in the grand scheme of things.

He's really not an ill child generally, he probably only had 4 days off in his whole three years at day nursery. He also seems to have it under control - he told me that he needed to be sick rather than vomitting randomly.

I just think that he'll miss the first assembly, having everything explained to him, the benefit of a shorter day (they are doing 10.15-3 tomorrow only) and everyone will be making friends without him. He's not very confident at time so I wanted to get him there while he's excited, I think a day or two's delay will blow his confidence. I'm gutted for him.

Wait and see how he is. My dd can do the same thing: throw up and then be absolutely fine 3 hours later. She'll do it occasionally with fever too. Ds on the other hand...if he throws up or has a fever, guaranteed he's going to need a week or two off school. You know your child...just make sure you are being honest so you don't expose everyone else's child.

I understand where you're coming from but if you appear gutted for him he will be more gutted as he'll pick up on it.

The teacher will be well used to such events and will be able to spend a little extra time with him on his 'first' day later. He will still make friends.

Having his vomiting under control and telling you is not an effective infection control procedure!

I really do understand how you feel but I think you have to accept that this is beyond your control and you know what you should do really or you would not be asking. Now you need to work on damage limitation and don't, don't project your disappointment in any way or you'll make his anxiety worse.

But if it were just the biscuits, surely he wouldn't have been sick so many times? I wouldn't send him in. It's not fair to the other children who might then have to miss part of their first week if they catch a bug from him and you will not be popular with the other parents if they find out.

I think you need to give it longer tbh, sorry.

It's not just the actual being sick, it's that if it is a virus or bug causing it, that will be going through him and out the other end. So if he uses the toilet at school, nobody is around to clean it with anti bacterial spray or whatever, some other child touches the seat and forgets to wash their hands (or worse your child forgets!) and there you have it.

Ds1 just got over campylobacter and he's not allowed back for 48 hours after the last diarrhoea. Hopefully that'll be tomorrow. But the advice is that if a child is under 5, extra measures should be considered due to their usually slightly unreliable grasp of hygiene...no offence to your ds!

What I'm saying is you should adhere to the protocol. It will all work out in the end.

I think you need to keep him off unfortunately. If it helps, when dd started reception, one of her friends missed the first week, having had her tonsils out. She quickly integrated into the class a week later and made friends with no problems.

He's perking up a bit and has had some dinner without being sick, but I take everyone's point about protecting the other kids in the class.
Just knowing DS1, he'll be devastated when we tell him he can't go tomorrow. And then he'll focus on missing the first day for a long time. He's not amazing at making friends, not good at breaking into existing groups so missing two days will be really difficult.
To make matters worse, DS2 is having an operation on Monday and I will be staying in hospital with him for a night. We really needed DS1 to have these three days so he felt fairly settled for Monday. That's all messed up now

I really think you are overthinking this (understandably given the likely situation next week) and agree it will project onto your ds unless you can put a more positive slant on the situation. Tell him it is a special extra day to have at home and when you call school arrange to speak to his teacher later on so that she can smooth things over on Thursday. Honestly it won't matter unless you make it matter.

I have a diabetic child and I really really hate it when people send their children back to school early when the potentially have a virus or bug. For and child with an illness like this a vomiting bug is a serious thing and the 48 hour rule is there for a reason.

You are also really over thinking the potential harm missing a day is going to do - keep him off school, tbh you have no right whatsoever to put other children at risk.

tartyhighheels point taken, but I'm still not sure it is a vomiting bug. I think it's a combination of nerves, a bad night's sleep last night, a stressful weekend and a biscuit fest. We've not been in contact with anyone else with sickness. That said, I'm not irresponsible, if he is still clearly ill in the morning I will obviously not send him in.
Yes I am overthinking it to an extent but with some insider knowledge - DH is a teacher an he thinks that missing the first few days will be an issue.

DS is now in the bath asking for his hair to be washed so he's ready for big school tomorrow. DH is washing his hair rather than explaining that he's not going tomorrow

I'm really sorry you feel so trapped in this situation.

However please do try to remember it isn't all about your own child.

He might be sad about missing his first day, but what if another child in his class has a birthday or something at the weekend and gets ill for that because your child came back early...do you see what I mean?

Tarty has a very valid point as well. You can't know it isn't a virus, so it would be unfair to break the protocol.

I hope it was just a one off, but mine has had a few bugs where he is sick once or twice a day over a few days and fine in between.

I hope the operation next week goes well. You can't always plan for these things, children do get ill and wreck your schedule, they just do - you can't pretend though, you have to adjust and adapt.

Good luck.

If he's not due in until 10:15 tomorrow, you can see how he is overnight and at breakfast time, and gauge the situation nearer the start time. Why not phone the school for their advice tomorrow moorning if he seems okay. I always used to throw up before parties when I was his age, a combination of nerves and excitement. Have you checked his temperature?

Most schools ask you not to send your child in until they have not had an episode of sickness of diahorrea for 48 hours. So, no, he should not go tomorrow. You do not know for sure what has caused his sickness. Please don't risk inflicting it on everyone else!

Ours is 24 hours Namey, but when noro went mad last year they asked everyone to do 48.

They had a go at me once for doing 48 hours. I came back with the fact it is HPA protocol so they had to admit ignoring the official rules normally.

I think they probably won't hassle me about it again now