Child prodigy, but what about others in class

[Mum2PandG]

DS is in a very small class (10 children) where there is a child who excels in everything. This child is at least a year ahead in maths and english, sporty, plays several music instruments and is also good at art. I hope this doesn't sound like sour grapes as the child is lovely, but my son made the comment that was it really worth trying hard as he would never be the 'best' at anything. This is probably true and although awards are made for progress it still seems really sad that the other children have no chance of ever being at the top for the next 5 years. Am I being irrational or is this healthy ?

I definitely wouldn't describe a child only a year ahead as a prodigy not that that helps your ds.

I think your ds needs to learn that there will be people better than him at lots of things in life but there will undoubtedly be something he excels at or is special for.

Hmm. Not a good attitude to let pass really.

What about asking your ds what he thinks would happen if the prodigy competed in the Olympics at one of the sports they are good at?... would they win? If not (i.e. they are not the best in the world, and they are not grown up yet), does that make their enjoyment of the sport pointless?

What about the people who coach the child in the sport? Coaches often aren't 'the best' at the sport, but may be better at motivating/explaining the sport to others?

And also what chatnamenotalreadyinuse said - life's tough, you don't always win or come top, many never do. He needs in the end to start developing a sense of his own standards and to know when he has done his best. It may not be easy to watch your children never being the best (how well i remember school prizegiving when the prizes all seemed to go to the same 4 names, none of which were mine) but a bit more briskness here could be called for.

Ah - a golden child . DS's friend is one of these. DS just gets competitive in the areas he is also good at, and cheers him on in the others. And you seem awfully resigned to the fact that this boy is going to stay top for ever. Given the way you have described him I doubt that is set in stone TBH.

Agree with others that a year ahead isn't necessarily a huge deal - I would say there is almost 2 years in attainment between the most & least able in ds' class.

I think maktaitai makes a lot of good points. I would be focusing on:

• talking to him about seeing his own improvement. Look back to what he was doing a year ago & praise his improvement; talk to him about what he'd like to achieve in the next year/term etc.

• focus your praise on effort rather than attainment (easier said than done, I know). And make sure you build him up by praising his skills and attributes.

• talk to him about how different people find different things easy (eg academic skills vs being kind/making friends, vs telling jokes well etc etc. All different types of skills are needed & valued in the world.

Finding examples of adults whose different skills he values might help here

Being a bit irrational. I agree entirely with what maktaitai says. It's a lousy attitude to only want to try hard if it means you can be the best at something and it stands to reason that the vast majority of people will never be the best at anything. It doesn't mean they shouldn't try - there is very little (or no) reward in not trying very hard at anything.

ps although I understand how you feel as your ds's mummy!

I actually think this might be a very good experience for your child - learning to do your best and feel a sense of satisfaction while not being the best in the class etc. is terribly important. This is so important in the future.

I actually feel for the gifted child in a way as they might only learn this when it is too late: they can often have a very rude awakening when they get older and enter more elite environments. I was like this, I never learnt to do things for their own sake as I always/often came top as a child.... once I was in more competitive environments (as an adult) I really struggled as family and teachers had never praised the effort, actual enjoyment in my work for it's own sake, but only the result/recognition and my self-worth (and theirs to an extent) ended up being quite wrapped up with that... which can lead to failure and depression etc.

You have a great opportunity for your child to learn something that will stand them in good stead for the rest of the life.

I also think you need to question your own need for your child to be or to be recognised to be the 'best'...

deepdarkwood,

I would say there is a gap of easily 5 years attainment between the least and most able in DCs class - and this is at the start of year 3!

I wouldn't worry about the impact of what some have described as this golden child. Two things: every child develops at a different rate, and some children are able to create a personal mythology about them that seems self-fulfilling.

And just that as someone else said, a year ahead, even in several areas, is no great shakes. Just look at the normal distribution curve and it makes sense.

Even for children that are off the scale, it's not clear what the long-term advantage is. I know of several (both personally and in the media) that had horrible times as a result of being marked out too early as exceptionally gifted academically.

It sounds as if the child the OP describes is something of a "golden child". I think it's fine to tell your DCs that a very few children are genetically blessed and are beautiful, intelligent, sporty, artistic, musical and totally charming etc and that is fine, but that most children aren't! And that "golden children" grow up and cannot do everything as we all have to make choices in life because we don't have the time to pursue all our talents and hobbies.

Even Golden children have weaknesses. The closest I knew to one at Uni, is lovely, but had no idea who the Spice girls were. I believe everyone has an achilles heel (usually its not knowing how to work hard, but not always).

Oh, there was a boy like this in ds's primary school. Ds was always second to him and the others were all quite a way off. It was a bit annoying as his birthday was September 5th and ds's was in August, so for years this age difference was quite noticeable.

By the later years ds had caught up, although 'Golden Boy' is still a virtuoso on about 50 musical instruments and whereas ds is now an awkward typical 12-year-old, GB has a kind of mature urbane air.

On a positive note, it's good to have competition!

We had one little boy in ds's class who was very sick last year and was praised so much - to help encourage him, of course, plus he is a lovely boy - that the other children started saying 'I'll never be as good as x' - it was such a shame! They were too little to be demoralised.
We just had to say 'keep trying and you'll get there too'.