'Pushy children' in reception

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My little boy has just finished his reception year In the last term all of a sudden there seems to be this real competitiveness going on in the class about reading levels. For example, in the mornings parents go in and read with their child, I keep overhearing children boasting eg. I'm on level 6 (or whatever) so and so's only on level 4....then a mum told me her child had been called stupid....wondering if this is coming from the parents. Is this normal? I think it is a shame if children are put off reading and am a bit worried my son might be got down by these comments. However, he doesn't seem to notice it, we've never mentioned reading levels to him.

Gosh that sounds awful.
I don't think parents or kids in our class have a clue about what reading levels others are on, other than the occasional "x is good at reading" type comment.

I'd say just keep reiterating to him that you are really happy with him and his reading and he's doing great. At this age what you think and say will still matter more than a kid at school.

sadly, some parents do seem to think that when the school report comes out and 'little johnny' is on level whatever, they gloat and go on and on about how extremely bright their child is. I had this with my DD1 who had just finished year 2. She wasn't a great reader but by the end of year 1 she had gathered pace and it sank in what readin was all about and I'm not competitive but can I smugly say (without sounding competitve ) that she had exceeded all those gloating parents children and was well past there level by the end of year 1 and has continued at the end of year 2. My DD2 has just finished reception and at present can't read (we do have concerns) but I am wise to the parent chater and just ignore it as it means nothing.

I'm sure your child is very bright and the boasting parents aren't going to change that. Don't worry [smil]

apologises how many spelling mistakes did I make.

Sometimes it comes from the children. Ds likes to be the best. But there are a number of very high flyers in his year group. There are also a group who are really struggling and who are below where they were expected to finish. Then there are a whole range in the middle. It could depend on how the school praise academic achievement. Do they praise for being the best or for trying the best. Ds' school is for trying the best. But I have come across schools where it is for being the best and have found this very high competition between the children has been fostered.

If your child isnt worried then just keep an eye on it, if he is getting upset try to foster the trying best attitude. I wouldnt worry they are only expected to complete level 3 by the end of Reception and a lot of children dont manage it, but catch on and take off with reading in yr1 and yr2. each child has their own progression.

My response to the comments about ds' reading ability tend to be along the lines of "of course he can read. 16 hour days are an awful long time to fill. He wanted to learn to read and it stopped me killing him". You should see the looks that gets Its a whole different world to my experience as I was a very late reading. Never without a book now.

If he likes to read or needs encouragement have you tried the library summer reading challenge? Its six books over the summer holiday and learning to read/ reading scheme books count. They get stickers every two books read and a certificate if they complete it. Ds did it off his own bat this year and it has really helped make reading fun. Which tbh is what learning to read should be about. Learning to enjoy reading.

Please ignore them. Don't get sucked into this rcompetitive reading business.
Just continue to encourage your children and don't ask them about the reading levels of others.
The slow learners all catch up in the end.

My youngest 3 still couldn't read at all when they left reception it's not an issue tbh.

Cargirl - which school do you go to where they finish reception age 3? Our school as most I know go to reception the year they turn 5 so all are 5 by the time they go to year 1.

Sorry just a little confused.

Mrs P she means of her children her three youngest dc (ie no of children not child age)

it comes from the kids - at least as far as I'm concerned it does. mine are obsessed with levels and know the levels of all the kids in their classes. I've never shown any interest in levels so it's not come from me

Oh got you, was getting quite confused, maybe time for zzzzz

I've noticed this with some children and it is very common - same happens with our swimmng levels.
I heard a parent give a nice riposte to some child the other day at the reading boxes -"It's not a competition, it's about where you're at," and child understood this very well. It's just every-day conflict that has to be regularly dealt with by all of us.

Childen comment on other aspects of each other's work. A boy reduced a younger girl to tears when he told her she had big, ugly writing. Interestingly it must spurred her on to do some writing practice in the holidays with very noticeable inprovements.

One of the best things about our school is that they don't have reading schemes so the books aren't levelled. The children choose their own books based on interest.

OP - how on earth do you remember your log-in name?!

gosh I'm dreading all this when DD starts school! fwiw though, it all means jack in the end - I didn't learn to read until I was over 8, and I'm an August baby so that would be....year 4 I think? I ended up with a first class degree and a masters in literature based subjects.....

Early reading is not a sign of intelligence. It's like potty training, some kids just "get it" early on, for others it takes a while, but in the end most kids end up reading just fine. Ignore the pushy parents and kids.
Dd1 could not read fluently until the end of Yr 3 and is now devouring books and in the advanced reading group in her class.

We have this at our school, mostly amoung the boys though....they are very competitive about reading levels and one thing to keep in mind - the boys with the highest reading levels are not necessarily the best readers (or the children who develop a love of reading) but they are often the most competitive.

When in listening to children read in Year 1, I often got questioned by the children about my own child's level - I pleaded ignorance...but I did find it incredibly sad. I'd hear them boasting about Numeracy too - but then they did mark each other's tests and shout out the result to the teacher at the end - so there was no hiding from abilities or lack of within the class.

When my own ds talks about reading levels I tell him that it not what level you're on that matters it's whether you enjoy reading because that is ultimately the marker of success. A child who races through the levels but doesn't enjoy using his newly learnt skill has scored a very hollow victory.

My ds1 is annoyingly competative. We have had to tell him not to ask other children what level they are on etc. If he says anything to me about other dcs being on lower levels than him I point out things that that child is good at to try and hammer home that everyone is good at something and nobody likes a showoff.

Like Scooby says, he isn't the best reader or have a love of reading, he is just competative. I love reading and I hope that he will come to love it too but atm he sees it as a challange to be completed rather than something to enjoy.

Hello, thanks for all your messages, it's really helpful and great to get some insight. The class is of the older reception children (next door younger ones) so think some of the ones in my son's class seem to really be taking off. Yes the school has quite a good attitute- it used to be a very academic kind of school-many use as a 'outstanding' primary then go on to put children in for entrance to private secondary It has a new head teacher and has recently tried hard to make it less pressurised- reminded all parents at intro literacy evening 'Einstein didn't read till he was eight" anyway feel loads better. Am quite a chilled out kind of mum not pushy, know ds more happy to play in mum with a stick than read at mo...also dad very late reading and like poster mentioned went on to get phD (after years of study later in life. Just something about all the comparing made me want to run and hide! Yes the school is all keen on the summer reading challenge and there is to be an award ceremony in assembly or something (or course) so best get down the library. That's another thing- of course is good to have these things, but would be nie to have the option (if don't do it your lo is only without medal then how do you feel!) Actually although say school tries not to foster competition it says that then we are always getting competitive stuff home...like recently an art competition to transform the school walls. Don't think creativity should be competitive! Actually is also a lot from PTA...

I had a parent tell me that she knew my ds was on a higher level reading than her ds but she wasn't jealous . When my ds wasn't invited to a party that her ds was invited to it seemed to help her and she took pride in asking me why he wasn't invited. How the fuck do I know? Oh how I'm looking forward to a new term .

Sorry meant 'play in mud', trying to play toddler and write...

The children that seem to do the best compete with themselves.

I went in to in to change my child's book last term and a boy changing his book exclaimed loudly something like "why are you STILL only green I'm on blue now" (which was a couple of levels up).

I don't think it necessarily means he was pushy or his parents were. He was genuinely surprised at my sons level and proud and excited that he'd been moved up. Being 5 years old, innocent and inexperienced in this world, I'm sure he just hadn't learned when to keep some thoughts to himself. Not many 5 year olds are very skilled in this area.

My son was one of the worse readers in the class! So there was certainly truth behind the observation His mother looked embarrassed. I had a pleasant conversation with him about the book he enjoyed, does he enjoy practicing? I then went through the books with my son and chatted about which book he'd find fun. He really doesn't enjoy reading yet, but neither did my other son until he'd fully mastered the skill. Now he wanders around with his nose in a book.

My year 5 son who still often comes bounding in and tells me about what he's best at in the class, or how he's finally worked out how to do something. Who is terrible at an activity, how he's amazed at how well another child can street dance. It goes on.

From young I start to talk with them about whilst it's good to be proud of your achievements, to be careful not to use your success to put others down. Think how they'd feel if someone said ...... to them. It's fine not to always be the best at something and the importance of practice.

There are some terribly pushy parents out there tho and some children who never seem to pick up on when to put a sock in it

"The children that seem to do the best compete with themselves."

absolutely. I was brought up with that attitude, although I was never explicitly told to compete with myself IYSWIM - basically my parents taught me to take pride in achievement for its own sake, being 'better than others' was never ever an issue.

my DD is only 3 but we are already seeing the same attitude in her :) we praise her and she doesn't give a monkeys whether other people are doing better than her. will make a concerted effort not to be one of those 'waving the reading book around in the playground' mums!

This reminds me a bit of when ds, then 4, had spent ages writing a bereavement card for his cousin (6) whose beloved cat had died and to say sorry and he missed her. Cousin opened the card and all she could say was "'ds' why is your writing is so big and babyish, mine is much smaller"

.

To a certain extent compettiton whilst highly irritating is part of human nature and sometimes it comes from the children and sometimes from the parents. As the mum of DS with some special needs I cant really "join in" on the competition even if I wanted to...
When another parent asks about reading/writing etc etc what they are really saying is: "I am not that bothered about your DC, I just want to ensure that you know my DC is a genius but need to check that they are seriously ahead of everyone else". I tend to pander to that tbh and just gasp away at how incredibly bright their DC are...Life is not a race, its a journey and believe you me I am not going down the boring motorway, I want to enjoy the winding lanes where DS leads me...