Is this unreasonable or are my expectations unreasonable?

[munstersmum]

Our school has 4 classes in KS1/reception so some mix years. DS has been allocated to a YR 1/2 class next year with only 2 other boys from his school year. Unfortunately he was bullied by these 2 boys for first 18 months of school (much dialogue with school). He does not count them as friends at all so we feel he has been effectively socially isolated from boys in his year group.

The remainder of Yr2 boys, including his friends, are all in one other class (which is not at 30). The allocations have been done by date of birth. He will mix happily with girls but none are close friends and it is noticeable they have all held girls only birhtday parties this year, as they move to more gender orientated friendships.

The school in previous years has dug in its heels showing no flexibility over the DOB criteria and yet claims to take many factors into account and that each child will be with a chosen friend. We feel had his social and emotional well-being been considered this allocation would not have been made. Is it unreasonable to expect DS to be with at least 1 boy from his year group who has not hit him?

so are the school expected to consider each child individually or just yours?

imo this is unreasonable....they are so young,too young to be labelled as 'bullies' as well! friendships groups and patterns change ALOT at this age

I have to disagree over too young to labelled bullies. This is about punching in the face, kicking etc not just playground boisterousness. At one stage we were averaging a head injury per month, over and above the hitting, pushing to the ground etc.

The school only applies the DOB rule to KS1 in KS2 multiple factors are taken into account.

I don't think YABU.

As someone who was in a class of girls who didn't like me with all my friends in the other class, I wish my Mum had kicked up a fuss.

Nope you're being reasonable, and the school is being stupidly inflexible.

I would talk to the school, definitely. I would also come at it as 'something they may not have been aware of blah blah'...they might be less inflexible if not on the defensive, with any luck!

Only 3 boys in one class?

How many in the class? If its a class of over 15 - I'd be worried too. Have a talk to the Year Head. They must have spotted the gender issue and you need to point out how your boy feels so they can support him straight away.

I can understand your concern. My DS has been placed in a Y2/3 split from Sept, one of only 2 Y2 boys, the other one who he doesn't get on with brilliantly. All his friends are in another straight Y2 class.

He's pragmatic about it - he's a head down, get on with work kind of boy and then plays hard in the playground at break/lunchtime. His only question about the whole thing was whether he could still play with his friends at lunchtime.

So, I'd ask:

• Is he likely to get on with any of the Y1 boys in his class? My DS was in a 1/2 split this year and got on famously with a Y2 boy who was 2 months difference in age
• Can he still play with his friends at playtimes? Football in my DS's school is such a great leveller, and from my observations, the boys especially seem really good at coping with the split year business and keep the friendships going over break times.

Thank you for all the comments so far in agreement or not - they help to get a perspective. Particular thanks to the menfolk for posting thoughts/experiences.

The comment about football being a leveller is helpful as he does join in lunchtime kickabouts.

None of the teachers involved were in school today! Guess will have to wait through summer.

We adopted a wait and see approach up to autumn half-term. In that period DS was kicked in the head, leg (so hard it bled) & his 'peanuts' & hit. He started refusing to go to school & tried a range of ailments to get out of it. School said it was boys being boys & changing class not an option. Head did agree DS not the problem.

Turns out was also being told "I'm going to smash your face in" (& no there aren't any special needs to consider).

Moved him after half-term to another local state primary. No tears since day 1 ! Confidence & smiles returning.

So to any poor soul in a similar situation, act and act now. Bullies can and do exist at age 5 unfortunately.

That is so terrible. I feel so much for you and your lovely ds. I hope it all goes well from now on.

Well done on moving and how sad that he had to be moved

I am glad he is happier now- oh and disagree about too early for bullying- heard this week of a Y1 stamping on another's hand and then hissing- 'if you tell anyone I will do it again harder!!'

why have they only 3 boys in one class and the rest in the other?

if all the girls were younger than all teh boys would they have two one sex classes?

yanbu. could teh school have done this to tryan encourage/force a frienship between the 3 boys?

i would speak to them again and state how deeply concerned you are that your son i snow being isolated from friends and will be an easy traget for bullying to begin again and that tehse boys have a history of bullying him.

sorry. just read the rest of teh thread. ignore my post.

Thanks to all for kind & supportive comments. Concentrating on moving forward now :)