Have I done the right thing?

[magicmummy1]

Hello, this is my first post on this forum, though I have been known to lurk. I just want some advice, really, as I'm feeling quite confused and starting to doubt my own judgement. Sorry if it's long - please bear with me.

I have a beautiful, bright, bubbly five year old daughter, who has just finished her first year at school in reception. She has had a blissfully happy year, made loads of friends and developed in all sorts of positive ways. She has come home from school almost every day, buzzing with excitement about whatever she has been doing, and I have been really delighted with the wide range of opportunities that the school has offered so far.

Anyway, she has always been a bright little girl, with a very curious mind, an excellent memory and a talent for picking up new ideas quite quickly. Consequently, it was no surprise to me that she was doing well at school, and obviously, OH and I were delighted with her progress. About half-way through the year, the teacher told us at parents' evening that she was performing at a level significantly beyond that of her peers, and again, we were pleased but not surprised - we knew that she was a very good reader, and she has always loved playing with numbers etc. We were amused when the teacher told us that the other little kids liked to gather around for dd to read to them, and we were confident that she was going to make the transition to year 1 very easily.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, towards the end of this academic year, dd's teacher approached me and asked if she could have a word. She then said that the school were considering moving dd into the year 2 class, instead of year 1, as they felt that she might do better in a more challenging environment, and they wanted to know what we felt about this. I initially assumed that they were talking about a mixed year 1/2 class, but she explained that dd would be the only one to move up. At this point, my gut instinct kicked in, and I said no, definitely not - dd has been so happy in her class this year, and I felt that she would be very unhappy to be moved. The teacher asked if we wanted to think about it, and again, going on gut instinct, I said that I didn't need to. She said that was fine, and left it at that.

I am ashamed to say that I didn't even consult my OH on this question, because I was so sure in my own mind that it was the wrong thing to do. Fortunately, when I told him, he shared my view, and other family members have been supportive of our decision. However, I have mentioned the teacher's suggestion to a couple of friends (not with kids at the same school!) and they both think that I have made a mistake. One of them has been quite outspoken about this, and has said that I am "holding her back".

Like any parent, I want the best for my child, and I am devastated at the suggestion that I might be deliberately holding her back. But holding her back from what, I wonder? Yes, if she went up a year, she might achieve a few academic milestones a bit earlier, but to what end? What would she actually gain by this, and wouldn't she lose far more by being taken out of her peer group? This is a genuine question.

I do understand that acceleration can be the only option if you have a child who is very bored or frustrated with his peers, but my dd has been perfectly happy, so I can't see the point. But my friend keeps saying that the teachers have suggested this for a reason, presumably because they think it is in her best interests...and that year 1 is different from reception because it is much more structured and less child-led. So I want to know, am I missing something here? I have always believed that a good teacher will stretch and challenge all of the children in her classroom, regardless of their ability, but is this not the case?

If you have managed to get this far without losing interest, I would love you to just tell me that we have done the right thing and that our daughter won't suffer as a result of this. But if you think I have made a mistake, then I would like to hear your views too! Thank you very much!

yes going up a year just for maths or whatever is a good idea and it shouldn't be too much trouble for the school. worth asking

I think you were right. Moving a child up should IMO be a last resort if the school really can't support her within her year group.

I was moved up at primary school and I concede that in my case it probably was the only thing they could do (I was "officially" moved up one year but, for example, at Y3 age I was in a mixed Y4/Y5 class, nominally in the Y4 bit of it but doing Y5 work plus the extension stuff they were giving to the top of the Y5 group, and doing it fairly easily, and I can see that they'd have had trouble dealing with that in a Y3 class) but it did socially screw me up big time and the repercussions of that went on for years, possibly decades. It probably didn't help that I had a summer birthday so was young even for my chronological year and hence nearly two years younger than some of the people in the same academic year as me.

DH on the other hand got plugged by his school into some county-wide G&T programmes (in a different and less stingy LEA) and that worked really well.

(You're allowed to talk about netmums on here, by the way, so long as you spit afterwards... )

I think you did the right thing. DD was put into an "extension class" this year on moving to Y1 - it's a combined Y1/2 class. I don't really have any issues workwise but socially it's not been great. Only one other girl from her class came with her and they are sticking together like glue even though given a choice I don't think they would be best mates - she also gets pretty sad when she doesn't get invited to birthday parties by the girls she was friends with last year (people tend to do tll the girs/boys in the class). At least I can just ask that she returns to an ordinary class next year but it would be very difficult for your DD to move back down if she skipped a year then it didn't work out.

My daughter's school suggested this to me, and I agreed because my daughter was becoming mischievous when bored so she moved from a G2 to a G3/4 and it worked very well for her. It was a small school so there were plenty of opprtunities to maintain friendships.
However, the difficulty arose later on at secondary transition, when I did not want her to be with adolescents when she was still pre-adolescent. We moved countries then so it was possible to realign her without too much difficulty, but had we stayed.....maybe I would have had an extra year of teenage angst.

I think I agree with op's decision.

acceleration can work sometimes for some children, but it doesn't always and I think in your case when your dd is happy and thriving where she is it's not a good idea (if she was desperately unhappy and things were not working out for her, then just maybe). All too often when children do accelerate they do end up having to repeat a year sometime due to the inflexibility of the system, and children sometimes don't settle in as well as expected in an older class and if they are very bright find that the work level in that class can quite quickly become too easy as well.

So, I think you've done the right thing for now at least. Does she learn a musical instrument yet? That often works well for bright kids. She's quite young yet, but might take to violin or a stringed instrument quite well (if your ears can stand it) or piano (possibly when she's a bit older).

I was moved up a year at infants and was fine - they then wanted to move me up another year and my parents said 'No' and moved me to an independent school. They put me back with my own age group. Within a term they had moved me back up. I went through the rest of primary school, all of secondary school and uni with people a year older than me. I survived!

Many years ago (for rather complicated reasons) I sat the 11+ and entered grammar school a year early.

My thoughts on it now are:

It did me no harm academically. I enjoyed the challenge of the curriculum, could cope with it and did well.

Socially and emotionally it was another story. I didn't have the social "nouse" to refrain from showing off my abilities too much in front of my peers and so came in for a lot of nasty comments from them. I think I would have benefited a lot from that extra year at primary school in terms of maturing emotionally and having another year of relative freedom from loads of homework etc.

The school do have a duty to provide appropriate work for your daughter. I'd relax, make sure you are doing some stimulating and interesting things with her outside of school and keep just half an eye out for signs of her getting bored or disenchanted with school. If this does happen you can always have a re-think at that stage.

I think you have done the right thing. She is happy and settled with her friends in her year group now, moving her may be a huge setback for her and very damaging both educationaly and socially.

At DS's old school several children were moved up a year, only to repeat a year later in year 7 or 8 so a pointless exercise in my opinion.

I think you've done the right thing. My dd scored 98 in her baseline test in reception and was put in a mixed 1/2 class, despite being the youngest in the class. Despite being the top of her class in reception, at the end of year 1 I was told she was a good average. Since then, she has always "played dumb" in class and has lost interest in school to the point where she's now way behind her peers

You are likely to work better in a happy environment. This environment was the right one for your daughter. She looks as a very clever girl. Is it possible to attend the year 2 for example for 1-2 weeks and see how it works? You will then see whether she is comfortable and willing to stay there or not. I would ask the teachers about it. First of all I want my child to be happy but I think it should be allright to try a different environment for a week. It might be even for a few days. WHo knows how it goes and how are the kids behave in that class. I should not think her age should matter.I would get more worried about the new environment, new classmates.

My concern as a parent and a teacher is the suggestion that only one child should be put in a class with children almost 2 years older.

I would say you've definitely done the right thing. As the parent of a similarly bright 5-year-old who's working at a level far beyond that of her peers I would be disappointed if the school felt that the only way that my daughter's academic needs could be met were if she were to placed in a class with much older children. It also seems rather premature of the school to assume that because Reception has suited your DD that the more formal arrangement in Y1 will present no problems; depending upon how things are done at her school she may find a more adult-led environment takes quite some getting used to.

As a primary teacher I'd be disappointed that colleagues felt unable to be more imaginative with their differentiation thus leading to a state of affairs when one 5-year-old was plucked out of her peer group and placed with much older children. If someone wanted to place a younger child in my class I would be greatly concerned about the social and emotional impact of this as a permanent move. I would be quite happy to have a much younger child join my class for specific aspects of the curriculum e.g. literacy or numeracy but think that, as our system is based upon chronological age (rightly or wrongly) it will be hard for a child who is 'promoted' to accept that s/he may be excluded from clubs/events for children aged 6+ and may also miss out on the opportunity to enjoy being 5.

You've made the right decision.

I am amazed that the school suggested this especially as she is a summer baby. They should be offering her extension work instead of suggesting she goes straight to year 2.

I think that the only circumstances that the school should offer this would be a for a child who only just missed the cut off, ie september birthday or maybe if its a year 1/2 class and its a few of them together.

When I was the age to go into Y2 (in my case I was 6 and 5 months) I was moved into a Y3 class (top infants / 1st year juniors in those days). It was the unhappiest year of my school career. I lost contact with the friends from my age group but the friendship groups in the older class had already been formed. I was always conscious of being the youngest and felt as though I was babyish compared to these 'big girls' of 7 and 8. Thankfully, my parents lobbied for me to be returned to my proper age group, and so the next year I rejoined them.

I firmly believe you've done the right thing, and a good teacher should be able to differentiate in the work she's setting for the class in order to accommodate your daughter's abilities.

I would have done the same.

The only experience I have of this is my brother, who was moved up a year at primary school, being already the youngest, so effectively being 2 years younger than most.

He was lucky as he was really tiny and sweet natured and all the girls loved him/mothered him, (and he liked that as he had me as a much older sister), so he got on ok. However, it could have been a lot worse socially for him.

I wouldn't risk it with my own children. I am surprised that a state school would let you do that tbh, I thought they were bound to ages/years. I think you've made the right choice!!!

As a teacher, I definitely think you have made the right decision. She may need to be accelerated in the future but I think it is far too young to consider such a move, especially for a summer-born child and one that is so happy.

I think you've made the right decision too. With the best intentions, teachers can sometimes get locked into looking at a child in terms of where they are academically and not neccessarily give the same regard for where they are in terms of their emotional development. I don't mean by this, btw, that your dd is in any way behind emotionally but what I mean is that she is happy and settled and this is so, so important in those early years. Much more than meeting or surpassing an educational milestone. It might even give your dd a negative response to her academic ability "I did well at school and as a result I got moved from my friends" and on some level it might make her resist her abilities or see them as a negative/alienating thing. If she is bright she will do well in the end whatever, but by having a mum who is not being pushy but putting her emotional needs first, she is likely to do well socially as well as academically - Your gut feeling was right, in my opinion!

You'll be pleased when she's 14 and in a classroom of other 14/15 yo boys and not in a class with 15/16 yo ones!

good point!!