Am I wrong to want a new school?

[Dru77]

Hi,

I'm after some advice please. My child goes to an inner city primary school which I am pretty happy with in educational terms. The school has very few white pupils in it and at the start of the year there were about 5 white kids in reception (2 classes). Over the year they have all left the school leaving my child the only white child in their year group. I really don't want to come across as racist because I don't think I am; I am just concerned that my child now has no one of his own cultural background to socialise with every school day. The other kids in that year are mostly Pakistani and their familes all wear the traditional clothes and few speak English. The result of their close knit community means that my child is not being integrated into the social side of school. There hasn't been a single invitation to play or to a party all year and although my child seems happy enough with the school he doesn't have a particular friend at school. Given that there is another 6 years of primary school left I am worried that the lack of cultural mixing will have a negative affect on him and that, as time goes on he will feel increasingly excluded from the social side of school.

I am considering requesting a school transfer because of this. Any local school he goes to will have white pupils as a minority but am I wrong for wanting there to be more of a cultural mix rather than have him as the lone white child?

YANBU - and I dont think you are being racist.

What you are worried about is that you dont feel that the social side of school is being catered for. School is not just about lessons but about social interaction.

If DS is always being excluded and has no or few friends because of language barriers or because Pakistani parents only want their DCs to socialise with children in their own community - all you can do is move him.

I am not racist either but I do get your point. I would not want my child to go to a school where most of the kids are from a very different culture or religion which would not bring any benefit to my kid. Multicultural integration is good but it depends on your cultural background whether it will suits you or not.
You might ask the admission team whether there is someone from another school who would have liked to get a place at your school; may be those who are on the waiting list. Then see which school you really like.

I was about to say YABU but it must be very hard for your child to not being invied anywhere. A far as him being a minority is concerned I do not think it is too much of a problem but being excluded from social life not really nice, no.

We are one of 2 Muslim families in our school (will be the only one from September) but in spite of being very much a minority, my children and the ones from the other family are very much part of the social life in and out of school.

Have you tried inviting some of his class friends yourself? maybe the other families wrongly assume you do not want to mix at all? that would set them straight?

should have read ""I was about to say YABU but you are not.""

Being the only different one is difficult - my DCs were in this position for a while when we were living abroad, and they were the only non-Asians in their nursery/kindergarten. They weren't completely socially excluded, and did have one or two friends, but definitely felt like the odd ones out. When I took the decision to move DS to an international school where he was not the only one with blond hair, or who wasn't a native speaker of the local language, he was much, much happier - he was still very much in the minority, but just having other kids around who were 'different' (not necessarily in the same way as him - they spoke other languages, had different skin/hair colour etc) seemed to make it much easier for him.

If the other school you are thinking of has more diversity, even if he is still one of a small minority, it will probably make life easier for him. It's just a shame there is such effective segregation in this country....

For me, a massive part of school is the social side. I think it is very important, almost more important than the academic side which I can supplement at home.

I would definitely move him, ideally to a school with a good multicultural mix where he will feel included but at the same time learn about other cultures.

I would say move as I think it's not nice to be socially excluded, especially if it is for reasons you can't do much about!

If you want one shot at it though I would talk to the school about it, as they should be trying to work with the other children/your son to promote integration. Not much you can do about party invites, clearly, but much more could be done at school perhaps?

Thanks everyone. Apparently there?s a term for this phenomenon ? ?white drift? ? which has been widely reported on in the press.

We?re 90% decided that we will move him to a new school and have decided that a local private school offers the best option. All the good state schools in my area are full and I don?t want to move him to a school that is academically worse than the current school (which is pretty good).