Spirited child - where will he thrive?

[Clare123]

I have a very active and spirited (and sometimes very naughty) 3 yr old. We are looking for a preschool and school for him and I would be really interested in any parents or teachers experience of this.

We are looking at a number of options, but at the moment my favourite is a little school (it's independent), that isn't highly academic, but does focus on the pastrol care of the children. It also have an emphasis on behaviour (the headmistress even said we don't take naughty children!). The classes are small.

What do you think? Will my son stick out like a sore thumb or will it help with his social skills (which are not very good).

I'd be concerned by a school which doesn't take naughty children. I guess that's independent for you - but it's not the right attitude in the state sector.....

Active and spirited are euphamisms for what? Can you descirbe his behaviour a bit more? Do you have any other concerns about him? Do you like him to be active and spirited?

I can't say I like it no! He has lots of energy and can be very loud and very physical (boisterous). He also likes to push boundaries, simply doing naughty stuff to get attention. (I work really hard on giving lots of praise and positive attention). I have to bear in mind he is not yet 3, so I am hoping this will calm down a bit as he gets older!!

Ime, 95% of children of nearly three are active, spirited and sometimes very naughty.

So what you are saying is your son is a normal not quite 3 year old boy?

I would also be concerned by a head who says they don't take naughty children

head sounds like she doesn't know how to cope with normal children so doesn't bother

would you really consider a school like this??

I don't think it's an unreasonable thing for a head to say to a 3-year-old! Assuming that's who they said it to...

I would look primarily for a school with lots of outdoor space that does lots and lots of sport, rather than a specifically 'pastoral' school, iyswim, though obviously you should be happy with that side too. And maybe make sure it's co-educational (i would guess that most schools for this age group will be)?

I'd steer well clear of some prissy little place that doesn't take naughty children. Pah!Quite apart from the insufferable dullness of a head who can say something so inane and crap, he sounds like he can be v naughty at times so he probably wouldn't last long there! Send him to a school where they are used to active, energetic, loud little fabsters and will work with you to help him behave and learn and thrive.

My DD (almost 5) has been described as 'spirited' by several people. She is thriving in a lovely state primary nursery with 52 childrn in. I put much of this down to her wonderful teacher.

I think it's an unreasonable thing for any adult to say to a not yet three child!

Really? I wouldn't say it myself but I wouldn't be that amazed by someone saying this - kind of setting the boundaries?

It doesn't sound like the right school for him though.

Doesnt sound like a very nice school. The headmistress sounds barking.

Maybe the Head likes square-peg-children who fit her square-peg-places at her school?

Woe betide you if you don't fit!

PS He sounds like a nearly 3 year old child

Really!

I think it's perfectly possible to set clear boundaries for expected behaviour without labelling any child "naughty"

sounds exactly like my DS at the same age

DS is 6 now, at local state primary, 30 to a class with an exemplary report for both academic achievement and behaviour.

I'd run a mile from the small school.

Pastoral care is lovely but if a 3 year old
can't be active and spirited (ie. a typical 3 year old) at pre-school then I can't imagine him enjoying things. If he has to behave like a mini-adult at the pre-school then I'd imagine behavioural repercussions at home.

I would go for Montessori pre-school and re-assess local schools in a year. Are you applying this winter?

You have to remember though, that children who can be spirited with their parents at home can be little angels at pre-school.

I think the only way you can choose is by looking at lots of different settings and going with the one that feels right.

"It also have an emphasis on behaviour (the headmistress even said we don't take naughty children!"

Did she say that with a wink and a smile - i.e. meaning we (try to) make sure the children behave well when they are with us? If not, I'd leave well alone.

BTW - I had a an active and spirited 3 year old who matured into a far more sensible 4 year old than I ever dreamt possible. Keep looking at the big picture.

The headteacher was serious and it really prides it self on a caring environment. Its very small and does have a lovely feel to it. The early years have a montessori feel to it. I know my daughter would thrive there, but I am not so sure about my lively son!

I would never send my DS to a Montessori - he responds well to firm discipline and boundaries. Different types of school suit different types of child.

Or maybe she meant she didn't think your child was 'naughty'?

I know he had to go for an informal assessment....I think they check whether they can follow instructions and interact ok with their peers. (Which my son can at times, but often struggles with sharing and communicating with his peers.)

My spirited and lively ds has thrived at a montessori - it has very firm discipline and boundaries and really suits him. Thats why I suggested it.

All nearly 3 year olds struggle with sharing and communication at times

the head sounds like an idiot, avoid