Send help age 9 - SEN/ other ??

[Totallyfrazzledmum]

Honestly cannot cope with age 9YO daughter and not sure if she needs medical attention.

issues below -
— very overweight but says “don’t care”
wont eat proper meals only wants junk / have enforced healthy meals trying not to focus on weight but health and energy. Eats other people’s junk food when out and about.
wants to watch you tube etc constantly, screams when TV goes off (no iPad as very addictive personality)
not settled with any friends - when she does play with others outside school ignores them / is rude to their or own siblings

• for the past 6 months keeps mentioning about “just kill me” “you want me dead”
• clings and cries going to school however school says she is fine in the door.
• wont wear any normal clothes - a battle trying to get her to wear anything at all despite multiple shopping trips.
• rough with siblings
• runs off when out and about / hides
• wants to “chew” before bed
• shows no interest in anything other than TV!

honestly at wits end as family don’t want to be around her as such hard work. Often has meltdowns about nothing then says “I’m stupid” we have tried to speak to her to find out what is wrong but she says she doesn’t know and that nothing is upsetting her in school.

i am not sure which path to take as school are not worried about SEN.

Sounds like autism to me, I’d get on to your GP and ask for an assessment.

Also think it sounds like autism but you might get some more immediate support from an OT to look at her sensory needs and give practical guidance.

Agree with talking to the GP omif School aren’t bothered and in our experience they won’t be bothered if she’s behaving whilst she’s there.

One thing you could do is to is to speak to your local School Nurse Service. The suggestion of an OT assessment by a PO is a good one although I’m not sure how you would go about that. The School Nurse Servide might be able to advise or the School’s SENCO or your GP.

Are there no concerns at school at all? Achieving/progressing as she should academically? Socially and emotionally? No friendship or behavioural issues?

leaving aside for the moment any potential diagnosis:

you can buy chewelry to chew.

https://www.sensorydirect.com/catalogsearch/result/?q=Chew

clothes: presumably she has school uniform in school. Out of school just buy a selection cheap second hand and let her choose.

buy dressing up clothes?

you say she won’t wear normal clothes what does she wear?

tv/youtube - what is she watching? Specific characters/games/etc? Usually there is a focus which can be built on.

Sorry about the typos in my previous post.

Also wanted to suggest that you did this simple progress checker, just to check that her communication is on track.

Is she able to tell you what’s bothering her about her clothes? Is it the seams or labels? Has she tried wearing some of the clothes inside out when she’s at home? You can also buy some seamless underwear.

If her diet is restricted do you think she may have ARFID? Does she currently have a daily vitamin and mineral supplement?

As for her behaviour at home, has anyone mentioned the possibility of PDA?

And lastly, does she currently have an ECHP? She doesn’t need a diagnosis for this as they are based on need.

It sounds like autism. My daughter is similar.

thanks for the suggestions, the school are not concerned as she plays with different friends while there but nothing sticks outside. The ones she wants to play with don’t want to play with her and the ones who like her she isn’t bothered about !
she behaves fine at school other than at drop off as mentioned above.

have tried to speak to her this half term and she just says she gets angry sometimes but nothing is bothering her.

watching TV etc is just anything she’s into, she would like to watch those wierd YouTube videos with people talking with dolls/ doing food challenges but we have banned that so she just watches age appropriate Disney / Netflix

Clothes doesn’t seem to be the texture but the type - it will only be set on one certain thing eg black shorts and a white t shirt. She wears the same 3 things over again only.

School uniform she won’t wear the dress it’s the school branded top with black trousers only.

Did you manage to do the progress checker that I linked to @Totallyfrazzledmum?

How big is the school and how Diagnosing-experienced are the people who supervise break times? What you're saying doesn't sound like your child plays with others, it sounds like she plays near others, but to the unobservant eye, it does look like playing with others. My daughter's first school has a really poor reputation for identifying SEN (which I only found out later) and also told me my daughter was fine. Her current school spotted her autism almost immediately. If a child is allegedly playing with people but those people don't seem to like them, it indicates they're not really playing together. Could you ask for an advisory teacher to observe her or ask for the SENDCO to observe her interactions at break and feed back whether she is truly engaging fully in play with peers?

Thanks - says she may need more support with communication / I noticed the one most about starting conversations with new people which she struggles with and hence friendships are an issue. She has no additional needs plan or anything as school don’t think she needs it. I may speak to the GP over the summer.

I am aware that a few other parents have had to start the route to help via GP rather than school SENCO?

It’s definitely worth looking into. Some things stand out but others are normal- eg not wearing the school dress which many stop at age 9 because they think it’s babyish and wanting to watch screens because they’re quite addictive. And wanting to eat lots of junk food. I would seek an appointment with your GP and go from there

It’s really hard to explain but if we do what she likes doing she can be angelic, as soon as it deviates its tears and tantrums unreasonable. If it’s a special event at school that does not involve lots of learning she will run in, if it’s a normal day she will cling on and make a massive fuss.

if she’s being taken to the cinema it will be gold star behaviour, if it’s a walk around a museum she will kick off.

its like she won’t accept the parts of life that are just the normal boring bits we have to do and she should be old enough to get that.

Ok if she needs some support with communication then the usual route is a hearing test and a referral to SaLT. The School’s SENCO should be able to do this or you can talk to the School Nurse service. The GP can also make these two referrals. Personally I would get this started as soon as you can. Waiting list are long and you have the transition to High School looming.

Just to update today was an utter nightmare.

Woke up then massive meltdown as not allowed to watch Netflix. Attacking kicking siblings in rage.

Grabbed my phone and ran away ignoring instructions whilst waiting for sibling to finish football. Meltdown when told not allowed to use my phone.

moaning saying going to be BORED all day!!!!! Went to a (rare!!!) party at climbing centre had a meltdown about where sat for food, stormed out of party at the end without saying thank you as didn’t get the correct colour balloon. Sent to room as told her in car this is completely unacceptable. More horrible comments and saying she misses her old mum I said the way I am responding is based on your behaviour. Apologised just now right before bed ! Tried to speak calmly and says nothing is wrong just feels angry sometimes.

just updating the thread ahead of GP so I have some evidence although some of it sounds like”normal” pre puberty behaviour looking back. I think it’s the frequency that is unusual.

I personally don’t think that kicking and attacking siblings in a rage is normal pre-pubescent behaviour. Usually DC have worked out long before the age of 5 that attacking others is not socially acceptable. Yes, siblings do fight but this is usually when one has annoyed the other, not because they’ve been denied screen time. So yes, this is probably more evidence.

I’m sure you’ve done this already but has she got some appropriate ways to take out her anger?