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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Pre teen boy and dad clash

2 replies

Sliverofdarkness · Yesterday 18:45

I'm at a complete loss here on how to deal with pre teen behaviour vs dad. Son is 12 and a half, not physically mature but has started to have a bit of an attitude sometimes. Sometimes rolls his eyes or gives a loud sigh if he doesn't get what he wants - usually more screen time or asking to use our phones briefly (he doesn't have one yet). His screen time is quite limited. Mostly he is pretty good, does his homework etc, and doesn't complain.. I see these behaviours as him just expressing frustration briefly. However his dad completely takes the opposite view, if he hears so much as a sigh or sees a small eye roll, he takes it completely personally against himself. He tells him off about it and says our son is hurting his feelings and turns it into A BIG DEAL. If I say anything, like 'just leave it' and our son didn't mean anything by it, he turns on me and says I need to discipline him and he shouldn't be allowed to get away with it. I just thought it was fairly normal pre-teen behaviour and it doesn't really bother me as I think he will grow out of it. I think his dad is being really hard on our son and I'm afraid he's going to grow to hate his dad. I think I would have if I'd been treated that way. It's really getting to me now as his dad always turns it into a fight between me and him about 'discipline' and it's about the most mundane stuff that I would turn a blind eye to. I think the fighting between me and his dad upsets our son even more. What does everyone else do about this sort of behaviour?

OP posts:
Idontmindsoyoudontmatter · Yesterday 22:59

Your son is allowed an opinion and he’s showing this with an eye roll or sigh rather than verbally that may cause an argument. He’s being obedient even if he’s not entirely happy with the request.

Your DH needs to calm down. He has a son that eye rolls and sighs but doesn’t get angry, stomp about and start shouting that he hates you both.

If your DH carries on though, your son will either be 1) scared of his outbursts, so will walk on eggshells or 2) retaliate and start shouting back. Both ways will damage their relationship.

mumofoneAloneandwell · Yesterday 23:00

I rarely say this but your husband sounds abusive.

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