End of tether

[Janeyraemer]

I feel like at a total loss with my 12 year old. He started secondary school in September and seems to have settled in well but he seems to be totally devoid of any organisation skills or taking responsibility for him self. It seems to take him forever to get his books and bag sorted for the next day and will often say he’s done something only to go back to it again before bedtime. He says he’s got everything for school then forgets things. Bedtime seems to to take up to 3 hours. Everything is a struggle and he seems to spend ages doing not much at all. Mornings also a struggle - doesn’t want to get out of bed then takes ages getting ready as gets distracted. I feel like I’m looking after a 4 year old and it feels like he’s regressed. Mentally I’m finding it draining and time consuming. I really dont know what to do. He seems to be in a day dream.

I would 100% recommend explicitly teaching him all of the routines for in the morning/evening etc - maybe start with three things and then build it up, and reward him when he remembers to do those things! Having a visual guide to remind him of the steps might also be helpful at this stage

Yeah I checked bags the previous night and had spare pencil cases etc on the kitchen table plus had a laminated timetable for PE kit etc for at least a year.

If he doesn’t want to get out of bed then he’s probably not getting enough sleep. Does he have his phone or other electronics in his room overnight? If he doesn’t, I’d start to remove those overnight. If he doesn’t then I’d talk to him about having to have an earlier bedtime during the week if he won’t get up in time for School.

As for the organisation, I have one with inattentive ADHD and it was like trying to herd DCats so I understand how frustrating it can be

Is this new behaviour, ie he wasn't like this at primary school? If so, is he definitely ok, not being bullied or left out or worried about getting in trouble for forgetting something? I wonder if this could be linked to anxiety about going to school.