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Preteens

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Original poster

11 year DS seen porn

48 replies

Mumofone2027 · 10/03/2026 18:46

Worst nightmare has come true. I’m devastated, my son has seen pornography on his iPad. We changed internet over and forgot to update settings. It sounds like what he has seen is pretty hard core, around 30 minutes accumatively over 5 separate occasions. I have tried to talk to him calmly about what he’s seen and he seems relieved to have told me, he felt weird watching it and a bit sick. I’m worried he’s traumatised and damaged, he’s also told friends about it at school. I don’t know whether to speak to the school to inform all parents to check in with their children. I’m so scared about it all

OP posts:
Canopop · 10/03/2026 18:47

Oh I’m so sorry this must be quite traumatic for you and him I would deffo speak to the school but on a low key level so they don’t talk directly to him maybe? See what they recommend for action from there

Needasensecheck · 10/03/2026 18:49

I think the best thing to do is to try and stay calm and not make a big deal of it to him (i.e. don't use the language in your post). Make sure he knows he's not in trouble and keep talking to him about consent, relationships, how porn isn't real etc. And make sure he knows he can always talk to you about it. Unfortunately he's getting to an age where it will likely be everywhere. There's always a kid whose parents don't check phones etc.

NewYearNewMee · 10/03/2026 18:53

How did he see it? Was he seeking it out? Was it sent to him?

If it was sent to him it’s probably worth speaking to school / parents as well.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/03/2026 18:57

How has he seen it? Surely he’d have needed to verify his age if he searched for it. Has someone been sending it to him?

Original poster
Mumofone2027 · 10/03/2026 19:09

I don’t know how he first managed to see it all I know is he’s seen it, all devices have been removed and I’m trying to stay calm and work out how we can do damage control and how I tell the school or parents as all the kids are apparently talking about it

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/03/2026 19:36

Mumofone2027 · 10/03/2026 19:09

I don’t know how he first managed to see it all I know is he’s seen it, all devices have been removed and I’m trying to stay calm and work out how we can do damage control and how I tell the school or parents as all the kids are apparently talking about it

Ask him, it’s important to no how he came across it

sqwer · 10/03/2026 22:41

Year 11 or 11 years old?

Original poster
Mumofone2027 · 11/03/2026 02:03

sqwer · 10/03/2026 22:41

Year 11 or 11 years old?

Age 11 sadly

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 11/03/2026 12:08

You need to find out how he found it. Was it sent? Was he curious and he actively searched?

I would speak to the school.

Original poster
Mumofone2027 · 11/03/2026 13:24

Turns out it was on a family members tv as they have an unlocked sky glass account that comes with every channel and they didn’t known it was on there, it’s been removed now but the damage is done. I’m just so devastated. Sounds like the children think it’s only available on sky glass, I definitely need to speak to the parents or school or both

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumofone2027 · 11/03/2026 13:25

Mumofone2027 · 10/03/2026 18:46

Worst nightmare has come true. I’m devastated, my son has seen pornography on his iPad. We changed internet over and forgot to update settings. It sounds like what he has seen is pretty hard core, around 30 minutes accumatively over 5 separate occasions. I have tried to talk to him calmly about what he’s seen and he seems relieved to have told me, he felt weird watching it and a bit sick. I’m worried he’s traumatised and damaged, he’s also told friends about it at school. I don’t know whether to speak to the school to inform all parents to check in with their children. I’m so scared about it all

Had anyone got any experience of this happening with their child, and how it affected them?

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 11/03/2026 13:26

I don’t get how you knew that it was 5 times for 30 minutes in total, but you through it was on his iPad rather than on a family members tv. It all sounds a bit odd. Why did he keep turning it back on?

ThisSunnyBee · 11/03/2026 13:30

ToKittyornottoKitty · 11/03/2026 13:26

I don’t get how you knew that it was 5 times for 30 minutes in total, but you through it was on his iPad rather than on a family members tv. It all sounds a bit odd. Why did he keep turning it back on?

For another look obviously

wheresmymojo · 11/03/2026 13:32

It’s not ideal but there are thousands and thousands of people who saw porn at that age. I’m 43 and saw porn on Sky TV at that age - people were much less clued up on parental controls when Sky first came out.

I’m not sure what you think is going to happen? He’s not going to be mentally scarred by seeing people having sex for 30 mins.

It’s also not weird if he sought it out several times - children are naturally curious, especially about things they know they aren’t supposed to see.

Snorlaxo · 11/03/2026 13:34

Sadly it’s not unusual for an 11 year old to have seen porn and I’m going to assume he’s year 6 rather than year 7. (You’ll be able to google the percentage of UK kids who have seen it by age 11)

You need to explain about porn - especially about it not being an accurate representation of sex. (I assume that you’ve discussed sex with him) Make sure that you don’t overreact and that he knows that he can discuss porn with you without getting in trouble.

wheresmymojo · 11/03/2026 13:35

I would try to stay calm and avoid making this into a big psychodrama. Honestly, if he picks up on this level of anxiety about him seeing it you’re as likely to give him issues about sex from your reaction as him having seen 30 mins of porn.

Branster · 11/03/2026 13:37

@wheresmymojoit depends how bad this particular imagery was. I don’t know how old you are but what is freely accessible nowadays is much more violent and depraved than, say, 20 years ago.

Original poster
Mumofone2027 · 11/03/2026 13:38

ToKittyornottoKitty · 11/03/2026 13:26

I don’t get how you knew that it was 5 times for 30 minutes in total, but you through it was on his iPad rather than on a family members tv. It all sounds a bit odd. Why did he keep turning it back on?

When he stayed over there (which he does quite often) he would wait til he was alone in the front room and quickly go on there, sneaking in a few minutes each time he said he did it around 5 times and told me must have been 30 mins in total. I assumed it was the iPad but when I pressed him some more he told me, he didn’t want to get anyone in trouble, he’d just said he’d seen some stuff that was weird

OP posts:
Branster · 11/03/2026 13:38

Sorry @wheresmymojojust saw the age

Crazyfrog44 · 11/03/2026 13:40

I'd seen porn by age ten. A school friends brother had it (he was late teens) and we watched it on a handful of occasions. I wouldn't say it has affect me at all, certainly not adversely.

LayaM · 11/03/2026 13:41

Take a deep breath, it's not ideal but phrases like "worst nightmare" and "damage is done" are a bit strong, he's at an age where curiosity is natural and he knows what sex is (or should do).

Time for a calm discussion. Explain he's not in trouble and you understand why he was curious but that pornography isn't real life, he's a way off having sex yet but when he does he shouldn't expect it to look or feel like porn. Encourage him not to look at porn in future because it often involves vulnerable women and unrealistic sex and he's not old enough to tell the difference yet. Tell him he is absolutely not to access it on home devices in future and you'll be setting up safeguards again. Ask him if he has any questions.

I'm sure he'll be just fine.

Original poster
Mumofone2027 · 11/03/2026 13:44

LayaM · 11/03/2026 13:41

Take a deep breath, it's not ideal but phrases like "worst nightmare" and "damage is done" are a bit strong, he's at an age where curiosity is natural and he knows what sex is (or should do).

Time for a calm discussion. Explain he's not in trouble and you understand why he was curious but that pornography isn't real life, he's a way off having sex yet but when he does he shouldn't expect it to look or feel like porn. Encourage him not to look at porn in future because it often involves vulnerable women and unrealistic sex and he's not old enough to tell the difference yet. Tell him he is absolutely not to access it on home devices in future and you'll be setting up safeguards again. Ask him if he has any questions.

I'm sure he'll be just fine.

Thank you. I’m only freaking out on here, I think I handled it really well in the moment and said all the right things, managed to stay calm and answer his questions. I’m just really upset with the situation, I hate the world sometimes and feel sick about the thought of telling the school that year 6 have been described some pretty graphic stuff thanks to my son and his families inappropriate tv content

OP posts:
Starlight1979 · 11/03/2026 13:55

wheresmymojo · 11/03/2026 13:32

It’s not ideal but there are thousands and thousands of people who saw porn at that age. I’m 43 and saw porn on Sky TV at that age - people were much less clued up on parental controls when Sky first came out.

I’m not sure what you think is going to happen? He’s not going to be mentally scarred by seeing people having sex for 30 mins.

It’s also not weird if he sought it out several times - children are naturally curious, especially about things they know they aren’t supposed to see.

Same here.

You need to calm down a bit OP. Why would you speak to the school or other kids parents? Plenty of kids have access to / have seen porn at that age. Granted it's not ideal but it happens. Especially when you have older siblings or cousins. Or even just out of plain curiosity.

Original poster
Mumofone2027 · 11/03/2026 14:05

Starlight1979 · 11/03/2026 13:55

Same here.

You need to calm down a bit OP. Why would you speak to the school or other kids parents? Plenty of kids have access to / have seen porn at that age. Granted it's not ideal but it happens. Especially when you have older siblings or cousins. Or even just out of plain curiosity.

Show quote history

I think I’m feeling the need to tell the parents as it is a really innocent catholic school and he has described in detail some things he’s seen and they wouldn’t have had a clue about it, I know this from their reactions. I wouldn’t want them to go searching for things now, I think I’d want to know if another kid had described stuff to my son so I could be extra vigilant with parental controls etc

OP posts:
Starlight1979 · 11/03/2026 14:25

Mumofone2027 · 11/03/2026 14:05

I think I’m feeling the need to tell the parents as it is a really innocent catholic school and he has described in detail some things he’s seen and they wouldn’t have had a clue about it, I know this from their reactions. I wouldn’t want them to go searching for things now, I think I’d want to know if another kid had described stuff to my son so I could be extra vigilant with parental controls etc

Show quote history

As someone who went to catholic school (both primary and high school) believe me when I say they are no different to normal comp schools! 11 year old boys are 11 year old boys no matter where they are.

However if you would feel happier speaking to his friends parents then just maybe send them a message explaining what you've said on here and apologising. But I personally don't think it's needed as I'm sure there are plenty of discussions between pre-teens and teens like this. And I certainly wouldn't contact the school unless they get in touch with you.