90 mins of intense, inconsolable crying… Is this normal for 12 year old?

[winkled]

My daughter has recently started yr7 and her childhood best friend unfortunately goes to another high school to her. We could send me daughter there as we weren’t in catchment.

The last couple of times she’s seen her for a playdate she’s been absolutely it bits, crying so intensely and begging us to send her to this school (we can’t)

Last night, she sobbed gut wrenching cries (similar to grief) for 90 minutes.
We sat wit her on and off and tried to comfort her but mostly she just wanted to be alone… she’s angry too. 😔 she doesn’t like her new school but doesn’t want to change and is also working on making new friends. It’s not ‘that bad’ there but could be better !

I’m so worried about her. Is this normal? Is this hormones? Will this pass?

Yes I think hormones, confusion, change…
90 minutes is a lot, but it is in the realms of normal!

Poor lass. It may be a good thing that she is not bottling it up and giving you the opportunity to be supportive.

It a time of big change and big emotions. Is she generally doing well at school and making new friends?

There’s a huge hormonal element at this age. Teenagers/ pre-teens are basically emotionally toddlers again- but this time with better language and cognition.

You say “play date”- at 12 surely they’re just hanging out, or is she quite young for her age?

Either way, I wouldn’t downplay her feelings, but I would encourage her to make new friends at her school. Could you host an after school get together for kids from her new school she’s become friendly with? Just for the love of god don’t call it a play date or your daughter will never hear the end of it!

My son was bitterly unhappy to be separated from friends in high school, so you have my sympathy. Be patient, be kind, be understanding and encourage new friendships. It took a while but it turned out as we needed, local friendships established and happy in these but it was hard for a year or so!

Has she started her periods yet? I teach students who went through a period of intense anxiety about 6 months before periods started, at which point the anxiety lifted.

Transition is really hard but is good preparation for change later in life. Keep providing opportunities to spend time with friends old and new, and remain positive about the opportunities at her new school.