DD10 (Y6) hates her life

[Birchwoods]

I’’ getting increasingly worried about my
DD. She’s 10 and in Y6 but is one of the youngest in the year and is probably less mature than most of the other girls.
she has one very good friend but keeps getting upset late at night saying that nobody likes her, she’s only got one friend, she hates school and hates her life. She’ll be in floods of tears at 11.30pm.

There’s quite a big group of girls in her class and a Y6 girls group chat, which my DD is on. A lot of the girls are the typical popular type and love drama (DD’s teacher told me this and says my DD stays out of the drama). The girls will talk to DD on the group a bit but don’t talk to her or include her at school and it’s really getting her down. She feels invisible and excluded, and says she’s not bothered about being popular but just wants to be noticed. She’s confused as to why they don’t want to include her. One of them had a sleepover last weekend and DD was one of the only girls to not be invited and she keeps asking me why she wasn’t invited.

She’s never been particularly positive and has never been v enthusiastic about school, but it’s heartbreaking to see her so unhappy and unsettled in her friendships. How can I help her? She starts secondary school in Sept and I’m hopeful that she’ll find her tribe there, but how can I help
her now? She’s a sweet girl, loves drawing and anime but is definitely too attached to her phone, which I severely limit now.

Anyone else’s DD struggling at this age?

Art and drawing can be very social, at some schools the art department is open at lunch time for those you want to draw/finish some pieces to hand out.

There can also be some art clubs that she can join - but being the top of primary can make it tricky as she might be aging out of those for her age range, but too young for the next band up. But it is worth looking around and see if there is one near you.

Or alternative crafty stuff - my local sewing shop does half term kids courses, the farm shop has kids cookery classes.

This can have 2 benefits a) she will meet others who like similar things to her and b) she can see that not everything involves being sporty.

Sorry to hear your daughter is having such a tough time. It’s so hard seeing them struggling and being unhappy at school especially in the run up to moving to secondary school when you want them to feel confident and happy in themselves.

I’m having a very similar situation at the moment with my daughter. She sounds similar to your daughter; doesn’t like drama and not in a rush to grow up. She has found herself on the periphery of friendship groups due to her friend moving away and not always being included by the other girls. It’s causing her a lot of anxiety and knocking her confidence.

Don’t really have much advice but wondered if you’ve been in touch with her teacher to see if he/she can do anything to help her feel more included and settled ? I’m considering doing this. It’s really good that your daughter is confiding in you and not bottling things up. Hope things improve for her very soon.

Well unfortunately this only gets worse at secondary school. Hopefully she'll make friends there but she'll make those friends by heavily conforming.

Have you thought of any alternatives?

Drawing defo can be sociable. Just arrange more arts and crafts days. Maybe 1-1 on with a friend pottery painting ?

I have no advice but am also going through this with my ten year old. She’s super shy and is really close friends with a girl in her class and we often have play dates here or sometimes at hers but in school they are in a group and my daughter can often get left out.
it’s so hard seeing them upset and struggle with that and tell you they’ve not had anyone to play with at break 😢breaks my heart!
she was part of a local dance group but never managed to forge any friendships there as it was quite clicky as most of the girls had been going since they were teeny and she didn’t join until she was 7 so she’s now left that as she wasn’t enjoying it.
im hoping high school will be better and told her that she will meet more children as our secondary school is huge and she will meet so many more children from other schools in our area.

Just thought I’d drop in to hand hold and also nice to see wee aren’t the only ones x

Hi OP,

Also a secondary school teacher like a PP. Firstly, that age is so hard! In my experience Secondary school is way easier as so many more children and they are moving from class to class - most find their tribe of people with similar interests. The bitchiness seems to ease too!

Like the PP, I always try to change seating plans etc to put children of similar interests and personalities together. The first month can be hard but it is lovely to see how friendships form.

I would also take her off the group and remind her that its only one year and then she'll be off to a new group. Friendships out of school can also help - are there any art clubs she can join?