Is this BS??? Sleepovers

[wonkydonkey2000]

My DD 12 says friends in her year group (Yr 7) are planning a sleepover without parents communicating with each other whatsoever? So the girls that are going haven't had their parents speak with any others regarding addresses, plans, who's going, etc? But they've got permission to go. Is this a thing now!? They're 12.

Is DD having me on? And if so, why could she be saying this?

Basically, DD's been invited and wants to go but doesn't want me to speak to her friend's mum about it in any way and is refusing to give her friend my number for her mum to contact me and provide me with the sleepover details

Imo your dd is up to no good....
I have gotten 3 dd's through the teen years...
No phone number =she stays home.

Bullshit 😂 it’s a non negotiable that I speak to the other parent, don’t like it then don’t go

I don’t care if it’s “embarrassing” or “cringe” my daughters 15 and I’m still not waving her off to sleep at some random kids house (or rather not sleep there and be god knows where)

We tend to still communicate via parents even with dd being 15
Normally reigniting an old birthday party invite what's app group to create a new group to check. If not we will message individually just to confirm parents are at least aware of it and thst there is an adult present (slightly different now dd is older but she wouldnt be gping to someone's house without me knowing the parent and confirming the parents were aware

I think your DD is having you on. No sleepovers without knowing address and name + contact number of the responsible adult!

If you do get a number make sure you dont text but use WhatsApp so you cam see a profile picture ideally. Just incase its her mates pretending to be q mum
For a new friend I would be dropping off and picking up at the door too

I'd say it's the norm at secondary for kids to arrange their own social affairs.

By all means say you want the parents number and address just so you can text them if needed and know where she'll be.

Or even just in case you want to check there will definitely be an adult present. As I presume that would be a deal breaker if there wasn't.

it’s a no for me! You won’t know for sure where she is or if she’s ok

I’m surprised at the previous answers - my parents knew nothing about my friends’ parents when I was that age and they certainly didn’t have each others numbers!

I have older teens. They do start sorting it out for themselves at some point. I can't remember exactly when 😳 but I agree year 7 seems young.

How will she get to the sleepover? Will you need to drop her off, and if so have a chat with the other mum then?

Neither did my mum and I got pregnant at 14

obviously that is VERY worst case scenario but I wish my mum gave half the shit that I do now. I’d seen and done some awful things by the age of 16 when I should have just been having sleepovers and staying up late watching horror films

Entirely normal not to have parents involved in arranging sleepovers for year 7.

A quick hello when you drop off perhaps at a push.

No, not standard. Either she’s having you on because they want to get up to something they shouldn’t, or she wants to seem cool and having her mum phone isn’t cool.

But also, it really doesn’t matter what other parents do. If your red line is speaking to the parents, hold that line!

I mean, I genuinely did just go to sleepovers - maybe I was a very boring teenager but it never occurred to me to lie!

Mine is going to a sleepover but I know the mum and have their number. She wouldn’t be going otherwise. But it’s all arranged by the girls

You were a nice teenager 😂 OP’s could be as well and could maybe just find it embarrassing. For me it’s too risky, my daughter got seriously manipulative around that age and really cashed in on my “lovely little girl” view of her

I was arranging my own sleepovers at this age. I'd always be dropped off, so there would be a brief wave and hello between parents.
My eldest is arranging his own affairs now he is at high school, too. I check his phone so I see the conversations with his friends and he often has them on loudspeaker while sorting things out so it doesn't feel sneaky or suspicious....just children growing up and gaining independence.

To be truthful, the first sleepover we sent him on...we dropped him off and headed home and got a phonecall a few hours later to tell us they had driven over an hour away to the friend's holiday home and they'd be staying there for the night. Something they failed to mention on arranging. Something I'm sure will send people on here spiralling but just a funny story we have to tell now.

I never spoke to the parents or had their numbers in secondary school but we did get their address.

I think it's pretty normal. I'd say my DD has had about 10 different kids sleep over. Only 1 of the parents contacted me to confirm.

Speak to the parents. If she doesn't want you to do that, she doesn't go - end of. She is 12.

Then that’s a hard no, surely?

I have a year 7 girl and my daughter arranges the sleepover and she’ll send me the parent’s number in case we need to communicate. I’ll have a quick chat on drop off and then a message about pick up but that’s it.

Mine is 11 and I can’t imagine doing that next year. I’d certainly want the number and address, and actually I would want to meet the parent supervising, even just a quick hello at the door. 12 is still very young and impressionable.

At secondary school I think its normal to let kids sort there own stuff out but I'd be insisting on dropping her off so I have the address to know where she is

Same as this.

Totally normal