Year 7 term 2 meltdown

[Plikl]

Year 7 term 2 meltdown

My daughter seemed to really enjoy her first term of high school (much to our surprise), she’s made friends and appeared to be coping with the change extremely well. Even wanting to take the bus to get there early and see everyone.

She’s made a group of friends however she says she can’t be herself around them (she’s not being bullied) it’s more an internal thing where she says she feels unsafe to show herself and she doesn’t know why. We’ve had an absolute tornado of a couple of weeks with her refusing to go school (she did have a sickness bug but this was the week before but she was brining that up a lot as an excuse and now is saying she’s totally exhausted) she said school is ‘too much’ she says it’s like going to a crowded festival everyday and it’s exhausting her just getting through the day. She says it’s a ‘scary place’ and joke is her ‘safe place’. She says she hates it, everything about ir and it and feels constantly anxious. She say she needs quiet time but doesn’t want to sit alone in the library, that she’s scared to walk anywhere alone. She says the her body and mind are totally exhausted and she can’t cope anymore:

Is this normal to suddenly happen? I feel it’s come from nowhere?

I’m seriously worried about her. She spent two hours today sobbing about how much she hates it and an hour or so yesterday.

I’ve told school and I’ve also told her to tell school but they don’t seem to be doing much.

Any advice appreciated- and before anyone says anything, she is on a waiting list for autism but I don’t just want to jump to that conclusion as her early and primary years were all pretty smooth.

Thanks :)

TBH I was thinking autism before I even got to the part where you said she’s awaiting assessment. Sound exactly like the sort of thing my autistic y7 DS says. He really struggled at the start of y7 with school refusal and massive anxiety, he needed CAMHS therapy and a lot of support but he’s there now.

It’s a pretty big transition to secondary school for any kid, never mind one with autism and it sounds to me like she’s masked pretty heavily so far, and that mask has just fallen off. I’d be asking for a meeting with school, explain she’s waiting for assessment (if they don’t already know), and ask for a plan of support to gradually build her back up to being able to attend. So they have a learning hub of some sort she can retreat to when she gets overwhelmed? Our school does, and DS starts his school day there for a soft landing. Can they allow her to leave lessons a few minutes early to avoid the scrum in the hallway getting to the next class?

I’ve suggested these thing to her but she won’t entertain any of these ideas as she wants to move around in a pack of friends and doesn’t want to be seen as ‘different’ or ‘needy’

it is difficult - DS refuses point blank to wear ear defenders because he doesn’t want to be different to his friends, even when he really could do with using them. We’ve experimented with all sorts, from in the ear types to just noise blocking headphones but it’s a no. Does she have any idea what may help her? We’ve started asking for DSs input and he had some pretty good insight. For him, just having someone acknowledge his areas of difficulty has helped him hugely, and he doesn’t always access the support he can, it’s sometimes just enough to know it’s there if needed.

She says starting late would be a help but I feel this is a slippery slope into school refusal. She already is very close to someone who into does half a day due to autism

EBSNA is a massive problem for autistic children - it would be worth finding out the available accommodations at school e.g. soft landing, a space in the inclusion base, seating plan adjustments, communicating with teachers. Ask her what she would like teachers to know about how tricky school is for her. Get her some Loop in-ear plugs (they come in completely transparent so they’re almost invisible).

Counselling/therapy is crucial. She needs a toolkit for when she’s feeling overwhelmed, and she needs to be able to voice her concerns.