10yo fussy eating getting worse by the day

[BowlyLarr]

Hi all, I’m really struggling with DS aged 10’s diet. I know you’re not supposed to call it fussy eating or draw attention to it etc. I’ve read all the books about division of responsibility and how you just have to cook decent food and they decide whether to eat it. I’m afraid I failed miserably at that as I’m just so desperate and panicked about getting any calories into him that I cave in and cook other rubbish just to try to get him to eat something. but we’re at the point now where he will basically only eat plastic white bread, beige freezer food and a token amount of cucumber. I am going out of my wits trying to think of things to cook that he might eat and how to fix this - I’m really worried I’ve screwed him up permanently. He is skinny and I think peaky-looking but manages to play a lot of football and is tall for his age - I just have no idea how he has enough energy to get through the day.

I feel terrible about the whole thing so please be nice. Does anyone have any tips or any stories of kids who have magically started to eat a broader diet of their own volition? Today for example he had a slice of toast and butter and some dry chocolate hoop cereal for breakfast, with a glass of orange juice. Packed lunch was a sandwich (white bread with a slice of roast beef), a bear yo-yo thing, a little pot of breadsticks, three cucumber slices and a carton of apple juice. Popcorn (homemade) and a muller corner yoghurt after school, then for supper he refused the chicken, rice and veg I cooked AND the plain chicken and rice without sauce I offered an alternative, so he just had more toast and butter. That’s a pretty typical day and it’s almost all devoid of nutrition.

I am desperate to fix this and obviously my desperation isn’t helping in the least. I keep looking at photos of him as a baby/toddler and all the stuff he used to eat 😭

Would he have high calorie drinks. One if my now adult sons went through a
phase of refusing to eat all day at school and wouldn't eat breakfast either, the most I'd get into him was a tiny probiotic drink like actimel. I used to make sure had full cream milk, ovaltine light which is full of vitamins, milkshakes made with banana & haagen dasz icecream and hot milky drinks before bed usually with toast or bagel(they are higher in protein). I'd quietly pack extra calories in wherever i could get away with it like butter in potatoes. Chocolate or cakes whenever he wanted. The experts say fed is best so basically anything they will eat and try not to worry, its a phase that he will grow out of! Mine eventually read a book about longevity and went vegetarian and healthy eating but he was probably 18 by then. He's still tall and skinny but eats a wider variety of food than I do in his 30s😂

By the way, what you described is not devoid of nutrition, my son actively asks me to buy him what i deem rubbish cereal because it is fortified with vitamins and even white bread is made with fortified flour and contains protein (something i didn't realise til my son told me).

Look up ARFID ? Sounds likely

Yes, one of mine only ate about 4 things so your child sounds postively wide ranging in his tastes. My son became totally vegetarian very young but did tend to like a lot of beige stuff rather than some vege rich diet. He is now an adventurous vegetarian and is in the final year of a medical degree. I just didn't force and tried to cook stuff that he liked as a separate meal for him - some might disagree but there is no point in cooking a delicious nutritious meal that you know they won't eat. I mean a potato is still a potato even if it's fried. I did try to cook things that had a bit of pureed vegetable - like chocolate cake with hidden courgette and the more successful chocolate chip cookies and the undetectable small amount of very smooth cauliflower puree in the mashed potatoes. There are several books that focus on hiding vegetables. I did try to encourage new things but didn't force. I was a fussy eater as well but the upside was that in a family with high cholesterol I ended up with the kind of cholesterol ratios that cardiologists fantasise about having. Sometimes it is a texture thing or a dislike of foods mixed together. In my case, it was my mother's rather fatty cooking that made my stomach just turn over. Incidentally, if it is not a mixed foods issue, stir fries with the vegetables and meat chopped really finely (no huge florets of broccoli) and served with rice or noodles may tempt a child into eating vaguely healthy food.

Will he take a decent vitamin tablet eith iron and calcium?

Do you involve him in cooking? That might help.

What happens if you eat out?

My brother was the fussiest of eaters, he would turn down a Sunday roast and have a sandwich instead.

Until we went to holiday in France where he would just pick random things from the menu.

Thank you everyone for your replies - sorry I didn’t check back sooner. Interesting about cereal etc @Mossstitch - I think I’ve got a bit too hung up on the UPF angle esp after spending the weekend with my sister who is hugely anti and goes on about the evils of shop bread etc. I know I need to unclench a bit but am very stressed out about it at the moment.

He does have a multivitamin so that’s something. @sashh he’s totally uninterested in cooking. In terms of eating out we don’t tend to much, and would usually go for pizza as a safe bet. I just feel I’m letting him down by not having cracked this (also, it’s very annoying as I am a reasonable cook and used to love cooking but it has totally sapped my enjoyment when anything I make is greeted with ‘urgh, that’s disgusting’!)

Will look into ARFID a bit more @namestevalian

thanks again :-)

I have one with ARFID. One thing they would have is a milkshake when they got home from school made with full fat milk, some banana avd some frozen berries.

I totally get you on losing the joy and will to cook. I giving my DC a small budget of £20 and taking them to Iceland once a month. That way if I cooked a meal that they didn’t want, they had food in that they liked and could have that instead. Even if it’s a meal that they’ve chosen and looked forward to, they can’t alwsys sit down and try it.