Help with tricky ds10!

[Senmum10]

We have a ds10 who can be really really tricky. By which I mean he is extremely argumentative and sensitive, so much so that conversations can (and often do) turn on a dime into a row, and now matter how hard his dad and I try to be patient and kind, somehow just keep on happening! He’s always been a bit like this but it’s definitely got worse in the last year or so. It’s not just the argumentativeness/rudeness that happens in the first place but also that if you try to explain to him how you feel about the behaviour he will make it clear he doesn’t get it, doesn’t care, roll his eyes, has to have the last word etc.

I suspect he is probably borderline autistic - he was tested once and we were told he isn’t - if he is then it is very borderline but this may explain it a bit - he genuinely doesn’t seem to get it sometimes, and really struggles to change his responses. And I don’t want to erode his confidence or trust in us with these endless arguments either!

He may not be autistic, and some of this may of course just be challenging behaviour from a ten year old! In any case we need to address it.

Would love thoughts or advice, thanks!

It’s a bit difficult to advise without more specific examples really. Are there any issues with behaviour in school or friendships? Does he recognise the hierarchy in school or is he rude and argumentative with teachers too?

Maybe you could be being too “ patient and kind” if he is being rude and disrespectful.
If he’s in Y6 they can sometimes develop a bit of an attitude or there could be pressure and talk of SATs?

I’d set some firm rules and boundaries and non negotiables ( you can involve him) write them down and display them.

Try some planned ignoring if he’s rude and argumentative and engage and give positive praise when he is pleasant and cooperative.
If you have other concerns around ASD including sensory needs and social communication and interaction, it’s worth speaking to the SENCO.

I think its best to lay down the law. We can get the message our there without shouting, keep persisting in it and over time routine will take on good fruit in his mind. We cannot argue with someone who likes to argue.

Thanks - can I ask more specifically what you mean when you say lay down the law?