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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

DD struggling socially

4 replies

Flappypants · 25/11/2025 23:32

My DD (9) is really struggling socially. She moved schools in Feb this year because one child was particularly difficult and is well known for it. My ex and I agreed that she should move to another school and when she started it was great, she made some friends and seemed to thrive there. Fast forward to now and she’s really struggling socially and I don’t know how to help her.

Her father (an unkind narc who is a coercive arse - side note I left him 7 years ago and ended up in a refuge, court saw fit to push us into 50:50) says no one likes her because she wears second hand uniform (wanker) which I have to buy because he keeps everything and there’s no point getting £20 jumpers and so on if they never come back to me and I have to keep buying more. That’s by the by. She lives with both of us and we have a DS (13) who has SEN and that is a bit of a battle for her too as he needs help a lot and her life is shaped by his needs somewhat.

I think she might be a bit intense sometimes and I think she craves attention so always talks about herself and what she likes and what she’s done etc etc….I see it a bit and I get why she does it. I also think she shouldn’t have to hide her light under a bushel as she’s bright and sparky and has a lot to offer, and I see her light fading at the moment. I have talked to her about everyone being equal and that their interests and opinions are just as important as hers so there needs to be more of a two-way thing. I don’t want her to dread school as she loves it but she makes friends and then they go off the boil and she can’t play with them any more. She’s not horrid and I am just so worried 😩

Any ideas on helping her navigate friendships and the playground? I’m getting her counselling as she doesn’t want to go to her father but there’s a CAO in place and I haven’t got the funds to have it altered (he’d never agree anyway). She’s having a hard time with that too.

OP posts:
Monvelo · 25/11/2025 23:40

No real advice I'm afraid but from parenting my 11yo DD, I think they've got to find their own way to a great extent. Unfortunately some friendship things she doesn't want to hear it from me and has to learn 'the hard way' from her peers. My overall aim is really to keep open communications so my DD talks honestly to me.

ThatWildMintSloth · 26/11/2025 06:26

You've said your older child is SEN, could your younger daughter also have SEN? She's struggling socially in what way? Does she feel as if she doesnt know what to do? Are there any other signs of SEN?

I would speak to school about the issues she is having with friends or they may be able to do some work with her.

Also her dad is a twonk!

ChristmasTimeChristmasJoy · 26/11/2025 06:34

dont take this the wrong way, but it could be autism. If theres other signs. Its harder to see in girls but what youve said there is a sign talking only about what shes interested in & not understanding social cues.

Flappypants · 26/11/2025 14:37

Thank you - I see what you’re saying re autism…one to keep an eye on. Have been waiting four years for an assessment for my DS so not holding hope that we’d ever get a diagnosis while this is a “live” issue!

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