12 year old never goes out with friends

[Forgetaboutme]

My son is 12 and never goes out with friends. He seems to have friends in school and mainly hangs out with girls there but has no interest in seeing them after school.

He also goes to a drama club twice a week. Again, he seems to have friends there too but has no interest in seeing them outside of the club either.

Is anyone elses child like this? Should i be worried? Hes been like this since about 10. Before turning 10 he would go out and play. Hes not a console gamer but does play roblox on his phone. So when hes at home he does a mix of phone, reading, drawing and watching movies. He seems happy overall and just says he likes chilling at home after being at school all day. Husbands particularly worried and in laws regularly comments that he should be out playing when its dry.

Presumably he’s now in secondary school, it’s not really an age when they go out and “play”. When my son went to secondary school I encouraged him to have friends over, or he’d go to theirs but they were never wandering the streets or parks.

12 years olds do not play out.
If he's happy and occupied then fine. He's obviously getting all the social contact he needs from school and clubs. Not every child wants to be with friends all the time.
Be grateful! It's much less drama.

This!

Mine is like this too. My daughter loves being out and hanging around with friends but my son, who has just turned 13, hardly ever goes out or has sleepovers or goes has friends over for tea.

I know he seems to have plenty of friends because he will play online with them or call them on the phone and he's always laughing and chatting away with different school friends but when I ask if he's got any plans with them at the weekend he always says no.

A couple of weeks ago there was a funfair in town and he went out to the skatepark and then to the fair with a group of friends which he really enjoyed but he's not been out since.
I think he's like your son and he just likes to come home, get his uniform off and chill out.

Just to add that a lot of posters on MN don't let their kids just play out but we live in a place where it's normal for kids of all ages to play out or go out with friends.
It's a small market town and we have a sports village, skate park and a lot of parks.
Teenagers hang around those places or go on bike rides or to Greggs.

Young children are always out near their houses playing on bikes and scooters.

Kids do still play out where I live as well. It’s a decade since my youngest was that age but he had a mixture of clubs, playing at the small park at the end of the road and gaming. I would say less children are out less from a decade ago and really since covid.

Yeh sorry 'out and play' maybe wasn't the right phrase depending on location but kids here still use that phrase at 12 and older (i have another slightly older child) and do still do what I would call 'play' ie football, scooters, park etc.

But forgetting the idea of 'play', even to go to friends houses, have friends over, go to the shops, or going to things like the funfair when its in town. Hes just not interested in meeting up with anyone outside of school time or club time. He knows he can have friends over any time but doesnt want to.

Sounds like I should just be happy theres no drama lol.

My ds is 17 and still doesn't. He sees his friends in school, he has friends at a karate club, and he works in a team of life guards at the weekend, so plenty of interaction.

He just hasn't found anything he prefers to being at home yet. I wouldn't worry about it. There's nothing wrong with being a home bod as long as he is happy. Does your ds talk to his mates online?

Husband and in-laws can pipe down. Not all kids want to be out and socialising every spare moment. By the end of the day my daughter’s social battery is empty. Ask your husband if he would like to go out and socialise with work colleagues every other day after work. I know I wouldn’t.

If your son is happy, that’s what matters.

So basically he’s “not like other kids” and your DH and his family don’t like that.

They can sod off and leave the poor lad alone.

Does he never ever do it , or just very sporadically?

DD likes to massively chill because she’s basically “peopled” out after a week of school, clubs and other stuff . Every now and then I “strongly “ encourage her to go out , but I allow her the time and space to decompress too.

My daughter was exactly like this at 12, she never wanted to go out and did all her socialising on her phone, I used to really worry about it but she seemed happy enough.

She's now 16 and I never see her as she's out so much. As long as he's happy then I'd try not to worry.

Yep never apart from birthday parties which are rare at his age but maybe went to 4 parties this year. Other than that cant remember a single time hes gone out.

This 100%

Entirely normal! Particularly for boys (brothers and many boys in extended family)