Help me help DD get some friends!

[Aquababe73]

DD is 8 about to start year 4 and I could count the number of playdates she has had since starting nursery on one hand. She plays nicely with everyone at school or so i believe. She's bubbly and funny. She did go through a bit of a phase where she fell out with some of the girls this year but bounced back from it. Some of the girls have been downright mean, forcing others to exclude DD and things like that. I contacted the school and they say they dont see any issues and DD plays with a whole host of kids. DD hasnt though formed a best friend at school or has a group of close knit girlfriends. She never gets invited on playdates and i worry so much this will start affecting her mental health as she gets older. Granted she can be moody and can overreact to things but isnt this all girls? The other mums in her class are all very paly with each other and have their daughters do group face time calls. My daughter so wanted to be included in this and the girls at school invited her onto a call randomly one day so i said i would call the mum from my phone later. When i did my call was blanked. When i texted i was left on read. Personally i just think thats plain rude but obvs dont show daughter this and dismiss it instead as oh they must be out at shops or something. I hate seeing DD disappointed so i try and build her resilience to these things.
There is one girl in particular that DD has been friends with since nursery. This girl is very popular and DD up until this year always referred to her as her best friend. Now i knew this not to be the case as this girl would play with lots of other girls and have play dates, calls etc with other girls. But i indulged DD, and invited this girl over for playdates. We looked after her and her sister when her parents moved house and even took her to HP world with us. I used to bump into her mum when collecting and chat absolutely fine but invites have never been reciprocated and when ive been really stuck and asked if she could have my DD for a couple of hours she's made excuses. So this year i have told DD to focus on being friends with everyone equally and just having fun no matter who its with. And this has definitely improved her general mood. DD is an only child and we are older parents, i was 43 when i had her and DH 48. So even though ill chat away with other mums ive never really been included in 'the circle'. Im an only child myself so have always found making friends tricky myself and know how lonely this can be. DD does lots of other activities, ballet, drama, brownies, and is fine in all these other groups too but still no close bonding. I just want to really help her make friends. I dont want her to look back at primary school and feel like an outcast. How do i help her? Do i need to be engineering these playdates myself even though DD isnt particularly close to anyone? Wouldnt that be a bit weird? Should i just not worry about this? Im so worried about what the next couple of years are going to be like for her. Id love to see her have the joy of a best friend but dont know how to help her get one.

Not sure what to suggest apart from I think friendships are still fluid at these ages, DD found her tribe in year 3, but just starting yr5 and said her best friend is now the girl she was friends with in infants.
I personally would carry on with playdates, but invite 3 others over and see how she gets on with the group. (2 others could mean one gets left out.
Don't be concerned about reciprocation, some parents just don't do them, and that is fine with me as DD gets to decide who she plays with. I just say, right you can have friends over on Saturday afternoon, who should I call?
When having friends over have a few things in reserve incase bored of playing with toys eg baking/painting/dance competition/twister and other board games

The other mums in her class are all very paly with each other and have their daughters do group face time calls. Don't encourage your DD to try to join a clique that doesn't want new members, encourage her to play with others.

In terms of your DD - not having a 'best friend' is much better, and the healthy thing to do would be encourage her to play with a wide range of kids.

Im an only child myself so have always found making friends tricky myself and know how lonely this can be. and Im so worried about what the next couple of years are going to be like for her. Id love to see her have the joy of a best friend but dont know how to help her get one - you're projecting worries onto your DD here, your job is to help with the problems your DD brings to you, not worry about things from your own childhood. Try to focus on the present, not your past or the future. Has your DD come home happy today? Was school fun? Was Brownies fun?

Some of the girls have been downright mean, forcing others to exclude DD and things like that. I contacted the school and they say they dont see any issues and DD plays with a whole host of kids. I would be a bit wary about this. Some schools are extremely poor at tackling low level bullying and it just persists. Lots of parents resist changing schools for a long time. If there's more of this, do consider moving.

This sounds very similar to what my dd1 went through at primary school
Shes was on the edge of several friendship groups
Could chat and play sometimes but wasn't included in anything else.
Lots of bullying afyer y3 as well, a certian girl would start to include her for a bit then would use that to say mean things and enjoyed telling others not to include dd1 or she wouldn't be their friend ect on repeat.

I got her involved in some local clubs outside of school, a local youth group run by a church which has a great mix of kids has been a great way to make new friends.
Shes gotten involved in a local stable and pony club.
The girls are all different ages but have a great bond
Dd1 has started y7 and knowing a couple of the older girls from the stable and group has really helped

We also started to let her play out and she has formed a good friendship with some of the boys from her class which I never would have thought would happen.

See what you have going on local for kids

Completely agree. Cut this bunch loose. If at all feasible (I know sometimes it isn’t) I’d move her for a fresh start.

im sure she’ll find her tribe at secondary or college, but I couldn’t wait that long. Sounds like the school are being rubbish too.

id also try and actively observe her when she’s socialising too, see if there is anything she is doing that you could give her some feedback on, if she’s willing.