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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

11 year old troubles

7 replies

Ruby89 · 18/08/2025 17:03

Hi there ,
so I have a 11 year old son , myself and his dad separated when he was 18 months old . Since then we have both moved on and got new partners and both had another child .
my sons behaviour has always been a issue at both homes , but has been manageable but hard work , when he’s at his dads he wants to be with me and when he’s with me he wants to be at his dads . He hates going out anywhere unless it’s for him , and will constantly argue and pick at my 7 year old daughter, just getting at her every little thing she does ect same at his dads. Over the last few years I’ve tried so much with my son spent time with just him, talked to the school ( no issues with behaviour at school) really tried involving him in everything and it just seems like it isn’t enough for him and I feel so drained . He breaks things , swears , abusive to my daughter and lashed out at myself at times . His dads had to physically restrain him from hurting his partner and daughter there too.
at the moment If he’s confronted about his behaviour he runs out the house and I end up having to go track him down . Now it’s causing so much stress on my relationship and my little girl.. when he’s at his dad’s it’s a completely different atmosphere and then he comes back and I find myself so stressed out. ( before anyone starts in no way does this mean I don’t want my son here I’m just expressing how I feel. I will never stop trying with him
and I love him to bits )

OP posts:
Beaniebobbins · 18/08/2025 22:17

Can school direct you to any sources of help? If he’s fine at school it seems like he is capable of behaving well, so it seems like something that could be resolved or at least improved with the right help.

BunnyRuddington · 04/09/2025 08:10

How does he behave at school @Ruby89?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/09/2025 08:31

Sounds like PDA

BunnyRuddington · 04/09/2025 09:12

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/09/2025 08:31

Sounds like PDA

It does sound as though the OP might benefit on reading up on PDA.

Does he have access to any counselling @Ruby89, maybe at school? And gave you read The Explosive Child?

BunnyRuddington · 10/09/2025 06:40

How is your DD now @Ruby89? Is she having any trouble from the girls?

KpopDemon · 10/09/2025 06:48

what kind of arrangement do you have for going back and forth to his dad? I can see why it’s upsetting - everyone else gets to stay in their house, sleep in the same bed, wake up to the same routine…whereas he’s got a life in two homes. That would feel bloody awful to me, there is no home that’s “mine”. I know a lot of kids cope with it, but it must be rough. I’d probably hate my step siblings for their cosy life with their mum and dad, all neat and nice and 100%. Versus mine, a life in two halves and never feeling whole.

I’d get him some counselling poor kid.

JH0404 · 10/09/2025 07:06

You have both moved on and created new families which he has to float in between. I can see why he resents everyone, relationships don't always work and inevitably people will move on, unfortunately it’s your son that has the most unfair outcome. I hope he gets the support he deserves.

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