Worried DD is becoming too materialistic

[Zil3]

It’s my DD’s birthday coming up and each year her “wish list” gets longer and more expensive with pricey clothing, makeup and skincare products. I know that sometimes is just part of the territory of this age group but I’m becoming increasingly concerned that she’s becoming very materialistic and expecting more and more without being as grateful as I would like her to be.

As an example, recently she’s been refusing to go to her dad’s (we’re divorced) because she doesn’t enjoy being there. But he’s just told her he’s buying her a (very expensive!) new phone for her birthday and now she’s said she’ll go to his again “until she gets her present”, which I was pretty horrified at and told her as much.

She is very fortunate and gets lots of gifts for birthday/Christmas but I’m becoming increasingly concerned that she’s becoming a bit spoilt and I don’t want that.

I’ve always preferred to buy experiences (theatre tickets, a night away, theme park visit etc) for our DC rather than “stuff” and she’s always loved that but now she’s at the age where she wants all the latest “stuff” and doesn’t seem to appreciate how expensive everything is!

She already has chores to do for a small allowance each week, is expected to save for things she wants outside of birthday gifts etc, we’ve discussed budgets in the past etc.

I just wondered whether anyone had any similar experiences/suggestions of ways to manage this please?

Thank you.

How do you handle it when she gives you a long wish list for her birthday? Do you buy everything on it?

She's watching too many influencers . I think all of this want for things like Drunk Elephant eg is fuelled by this. How old is she?

Give her a budget and let her chose. Included in this is any birthday treat (party or cake with friends etc)

If its skincare, do tell her that excessive use too young actually ruins skin (or a little white lie about it causing spots...)

Does she have social media? How much screen time? What sports/ activities does she do in the week to keep her busy?

i would be punishing her for that comment she made about her father maybe a similar ultimatum that if she doesn’t go and see him every so often then she doesn’t get to use her phone and depending on your relationship with him letting him know what she said so you can work together on this.

I have always made a point of not getting everything on her list even if it’s within budget. I usually get a couple of things from her list and a couple of surprises.

Agreed! She’s not allowed social media but does watch videos on YouTube. She’s turning 13

I have considered this before but I prefer to be able to get her some surprises too so it feels less transactional and I also don’t like to be too prescriptive with budget incase our financial situation were to change unexpectedly. Although perhaps I should give her a lower budget that I actually have to account for that…

She isn’t allowed social media and has screen time restricted to around 1 hour a day at home but can be on it all day at her dad’s.
She has three weekly extra-curricular activities.

He wouldn’t take it well me telling him what she’d said and would probably not believe me.

13, I thought she was going to be younger. Sounds like the majority of 13 year olds to be honest, it could be a lot worse.

Are you considerate of the environment at home? Teenagers I know who are less materialistic tend to be coming from an ethical angle, wanting to reduce waste or thinking about what goes into producing all the stuff. But she's unlikely to develop that way of thinking if you don't have it. If the focus is on the budget and she can see the money is there, where's the motivation to buy less?