Emotional 10 year old daughter

[Hazelfernmoon]

My daughter (10) is normally a really happy (although quite sensitive) girl but recently she has been super emotional and spending more time in her bedroom away from us. She has to have a cuddle before bedtime in our bed and can’t sleep until she’s had a cuddle. She will even wait for us to go upstairs, which means we don’t always get time to relax downstairs before going to bed as we end up going up at the same time as her.
She will literally burst into tears at the drop of a hat for no apparent reason. We have asked her why she feels the way she does, asked if she is being bullied at school, if she has been in trouble (which doesn’t happen as she is a good kid and would be mortified if she ever got told off at school) or if someone has said something to upset and the answer is always no. She just says she doesn’t know why she is upset and just feels emotional.
She does have a phone and we do check her messages weekly to ensure online safety and there is nothing on there to suggest anything untoward is going on. We will ask her for her phone at random times and she always hands it straight over so I don’t feel that she is deleting or hiding things from us either.
I have validated her feelings and tried to ensure she knows that her safe space to talk is me or her Dad and that she can talk to us openly about her feelings and about anything at all really.
I know it is probably hormonal, but as I am not a particularly emotional person myself (I’m just not, there’s no particular reason to why I’m not), I’m not sure how I can further support her when she is feeling super emotional.
Any advice is gratefully received!

I got DD a brilliant puberty book that had a big focus on emotions / hormones which she found very reassuring. We can now shortcut our way around a lot of emotional outbursts with a sympathetic ‘bloody hormones’ and she calms down a bit when she understands it’s that and not the world ending.

Ive also explained how hormones cycle and stress that although she feels terrible now, it won’t always feel
like this.

Speaking as a teacher, we have training to look out for shifts in emotions like this because they can indicate a safeguarding risk. Hopefully she’s just feeling emotional but it’s possible something has happened or is happening that is harming your daughter. I would share your observations with school and ask them to keep an eye on her. I wouldn’t ask lots of questions of your daughter as you’ve already asked but I would lean in to the comforting. Be very very available for her, seek out extra time you can give her. Give her lots of reassurance. If she’s just going through a stage it can’t hurt, and if it’s something more then she might open up. Sorry to hear you’re going through this, it must be worrying x

A book sounds like a great idea. Do you know what it was called? I’m conscious of her age and don’t want a book that goes into sex as I don’t think that’s appropriate at this stage, but definitely something that explains hormones as puberty would be great. We’ve have the period talk and I’ve explained about hormones and body changes as best I can but maybe a book can explain it better. She had a bit of anxiety a few years ago following a sickness bug and we bought her a book called The Worry Monster by Nadia Hussain, which helped her immensely, along with trying breathing exercises and other relaxation methods.
I’ll definitely try the ‘you won’t always feel like this’ next time we have an episode, which will probably be tomorrow

A book sounds like a great idea. Do you know what it was called? I’m conscious of her age and don’t want a book that goes into sex as I don’t think that’s appropriate at this stage, but definitely something that explains hormones as puberty would be great. We’ve have the period talk and I’ve explained about hormones and body changes as best I can but maybe a book can explain it better. She had a bit of anxiety a few years ago following a sickness bug and we bought her a book called The Worry Monster by Nadia Hussain, which helped her immensely, along with trying breathing exercises and other relaxation methods.
I’ll definitely try the ‘you won’t always feel like this’ next time we have an episode, which will probably be tomorrow

I have spoke to her teacher recently at parents evening (without my daughter there) and they said that she has been her normal self at school with no issues. There has been some drama with other girls in her year group but my daughter wasn’t involved in anyway and they have said they will keep an eye out and let me know if anything changes. I am thinking it is more hormonal than anything else, I will keep reassuring her and hopefully it will pass or we will find a coping mechanism for when things get a little bit much for her

She will probably have already done sex educational school in y5 in an age appropriate way? I would just find some time to have an honest chat with her about puberty and how tough it is and that everyone goes through it and that it does get easier. Then maybe chat about there being lots of different ways to react when you are feeling grumpy/sad and that it's OK to feel grumpy or sad but that you can choose to lean into it or distract yourself and that either is fine as long as you are choosing to do it.