Will my daughter get a bad reputation??

[Ginge1978]

My daughter is 13. From a young age she has been interested in boys. Every week she tells me she has a new boyfriend. She’s very much like me, I was the same at her age. When she was telling my friend and I about her recent “boyfriend” my friend told me and her she doesn’t want to get a name for herself! I was shocked as I think it’s pretty normal. They don’t go anywhere just hang out at school. Sometimes she asks if the current one can have dinner with us. Other than that they may go to the park with their friend group. I am worried now though with what my friend said. Do you think I have cause to?? I have tried to explain it to her but she doesn’t understand. Pls help put my mind at rest.

Misogyny is alive and well in your friend's brain. You tell her to shut the fuck up and stop trying to slut shame your young daughter.

I don’t think it’s normal to tell your Mum you have a new boyfriend every week at 13, no.

I don't think so in terms of reputation, but it's not really healthy to be that boy obsessed either. I'd wonder what kind of messages you're sending her and whether she needs to develop herself and her other interests more. Does she have hobbies, does she do ok with her schoolwork? Boys can be such a huge timewaster at what is an important stage in her life.

I wouldn’t be worried about that. I’d be worried about why your young DD has been so obsessed with boys from a young age that every week she has a new boyfriend and it’s a topic of conversation with your friends (which means it’s a conversation with everyone).

Having friends who are boys is perfectly boring and normal. Having constant boyfriends implies a lot of worrying things. That her self-esteem is about that, that she doesn’t have enough hobbies and interests outside boys, that she is subsuming her personality into this. here is something about externalising herself which I wouldn’t like. ‘Boys’ isn’t an Interest. Now maybe your DD has lots else going on. But girls being so obsessed with boys isn’t necessarily healthy.

DD had a friend like this. They’ve drifted apart because it’s literally all the other girl spoke about… boys.

You tried to explain to your friend but she doesn’t understand? She probably understands perfectly, but just disagrees with you. You think it’s fine to have a different boyfriend every week, she doesn’t. That’s ok.

I think you have to note that things are very different now to when you were her age. The internet and smart phones have made some, if not most, children much more sexually curious / active. So what may have just been rather innocent "boy mad" behaviour when you were a child, can quickly become something a lot more damaging now.

My DD has a friend like this. Obsessed with boys and always a drama linked to it. Over sexualised photos on social media and even accused one of assault (was proven not true).
it’s not your friends business, however I’d just be mindful how these things can easily pan out.

Your friends assessment of the problem is wrong..

But the problem is true.

As in, screw reputations and what other people think, that isn't a reason to not do it.

The reason to not do it is because growing up always seeking validation from boys, going from one to the next, sexual things with many (when that becomes part of the conversation) is not normally the path to healthy relationships and good mental health.

I would encourage your daughter to resist the temptation of living off the praise/attention of boys. She can be above that, better than it, and build herself up with self respect and confidence that doesn't come from men. Funily enough that is what will likely lead her to the best men anyway.

My friend at school was like this and I had to break the friendship unfortunately.
We spent all our time trying to meet new boys (for her, I was just dragged along).
At around 14 she started having sex with them so I would be concerned she is getting into some worrying territory.
They also started getting older as time went on, she would go out with 17 years old when she was 14/15.

Very strange the first comment refers to this as misogyny, it's a 13 year old girl trying to get attention from boys that probably will get her into some trouble in the near future. Hardly the same as an empowered woman who can do what she pleases.

Why are young woman STILL believing that having a boy/man choosing you is the pinnacle of life. Argh!

'Reputation' has zero to do with anything. I wouldn't listen to anyone using that terminology but I also wouldn't be thinking it's cute or 'just like me' either if my daughter was so obsessed with boys. Self reliance, self belief, strength and resiliance should be a bigger lesson than managing to be one of two and it's never too early to teach that in a balanced and empowering way

I would be trying to understand what is going on for your dd that she thinks she always has to have a boyfriend. Look at ways to build her self esteem and find some extra curricular activities to get her occupied and away from the constant thoughts of boys.

Strong friendships are really important through the teen years because these are the times, when girls will learn to lean on one another for support, slowly transitioning from parental support.

My dd’s 17 yo friend is like this. She lacks self esteem and also had sex at 14, getting into a very toxic relationship, which lasted over a year. She came through it and is ok now. But she still wants to always be with a boy. Idk if she has a reputation at all. I hope not. She’s a lovely girl and I obviously don’t think anything negative about her.

However, if there is a way to stop this from happening to your dd, I would be looking for it rather than just accepting you can’t do anything. This is very far from true.

First response nails it.

This.

It’s hardly the friend fault that society is mysogenistic- she is reporting what could well happen - the boys will see her as easy target

don’t blame the friend for pointing out the risks

DD has a friend like this.

thankfully they’re at different schools, don’t see each other often.

From what DD says it’s only the boy friends that get talked about and she’s not ever been told about any female school friends.

Very sad really, must be a bit of a joke to the boys at the school at this point and I worry what that’ll turn into when they’re a couple of years older.

The 2 girls I know at that age who are like that also behave disjointed relationships with their dads.

One of the mums say she knows her DD is trying to get validation/attention from boys as it was lacking from a father figure. Not saying that’s the case with you, but it’s quite common.

Any neurodiversities? I have ADHD and was boy daft from 11, constantly looking for that ‘high’ of a boy liking me.

Not normal. Your dd will get a name and may end up getting bullied. Is there something else going on?

I was ‘boy obsessed’ at that age. With hindsight I was seeking self-worth in male validation. I’d be looking to help your daughter find confidence and happiness independently of boys.

I don’t think this is normal behaviour at 13 no. It would suggest something is lacking if she is already so obsessed with male attention, and I’d be looking to figure out why that is, is dad in the picture for example, and work on boosting her confidence in other ways.

Your friend is right in that it’s not a great way to be known, kids that age can be nasty and labels stick. I went to school with a girl like this, a new boyfriend every other week, told anyone and everyone, her school life ended up being really quite difficult.

I have a 13 year old and this isn’t normal behaviour. A new bf every week?? She sounds like she’s searching for something in boys. Try and find what it is.

Yes this will get her a reputation and could get her into trouble if one of the boys she 'sees' doesn't like being dumped.

It's also unusual behaviour for a 13 year old. Is she neuro divergent?

I wouldn't allow it.

Time spent 'dating' at that age is time not spent making meaningful friendships. Unhealthy.