11yo DD not sleeping

[hangingbaskets]

Help needed! 11yo DD started secondary school last Sep, was quite anxious about it all (understandably). From the July before she started, she has been waking most nights in the early hours and comes into our room to say she can’t sleep. DH and I would take it in turns to get into bed with her till she fell back to sleep, inevitably we would also fall asleep in her bed too! At the beginning I put this down to her worry of school, but nearly a year in, she’s still waking most nights! We’re still doing the getting into bed with her, but we’re tired now. Last night when she came in, I said to just try and get back to sleep by yourself, she was back in our room 30 mins later so I told her the same. 10 mins later DH heard her crying so went in with her. I’m not sure how to stop her coming in?! I don’t want her to cry herself to sleep, and when I mention feeling tired the next day she always apologises. She’s such a good girl and I don’t want to start any punishments, and we’re well beyond star charts etc. Any advice gratefully received.

It may be a sign of something else going on and not just a matter of stopping her from needing your company... Surely your DD sounds like she's been in such a vulnerable state for a while and punishment would be the last thing that could help. Take her crying and mental health struggles as a sign of something that needs to be addressed and processed. You say she has been crying since before and a year into secondary school - maybe she is emotionally struggling to adjust to this change? Have you tried having an open conversation with her about this? There are loads of reasons they could struggle to adjust like the reasons here: https://weareluna.app/parents/guides/confidence-and-motivation/teen-back-to-school-worries/

But if things keep getting worse I would suggest you take it up with a doctor especially since it seems to be disrupting her and your everyday lives. x

Thanks for the reply. I forgot to add, we think this has just become habit more than anything else going on, but I could be wrong. She’s very open with us about most things, and will usually let us know about any issues she’s having at school and within friendship groups. She goes to sleep by herself with no problem.