Mental health/ school attendance

[idontknow202]

Id really appreciate some advice please on what's become a challenging situation for us.
My daughter is 11 and last year of primary moving to high school in September.

She experienced a rapid decline in mental health and physical health December to Feb half term as an eating disorder took hold over the previous year became a lot worse due to impending transition.

She's been out of school mostly between half term and Easter due to not physical being well enough from restricted eating and drinking. During this time we had an urgent camhs referral and she is under their eating disorder team since March and imminently due to start the complex emotional needs pathway too.

Since Easter she's tried to go back full time but is really struggling mentally with this. She has a short 2 night residential coming up in July which she has been looking forward to for ages and desperately wants to go with her friends to end her time with her school nicely.

Supported by camhs we have withdrawn from SATs as the pressure is too much for her and school have said she can't go on the trip unless she starts back at school full time now. There is a meeting next week to address attendance and see if a reduced school is the better way for her but this comes at the cost of the trip.

I feel so torn. She wants to push to return full time now so they can't remove the trip from her but I'm so worried about the spiral of decline that might happen and undo her progress of the last two months. If I push her and remove her from school then I'm worried knowing she has no trip to look forward too in her eyes there is nothing good any more and this will impact her mental health even more. I don't really know what to do for the best. If I listen to her and support her now or push what I think is best? It's been a really difficult 6 months on top of a challenging previous year so I'm beginning to doubt all of my previous thoughts. Ultimately I want what she wants for the best. Not even really sure what I'm looking for. Has anyone else had a successful reduced timetable and what alternative provision has been put in place from the local authority? She would love a tutor and no school, but we fear if we don't get back into school while at a familiar primary it will be impossible at a brand new school. Thank you for any thoughts.

Recommend asking this helpful group
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/eating_disorders/5172972-support-thread-13-for-parents-of-young-people-with-an-eating-disorder

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Does your dd have a EHCP? Or any ND diagnoses as often autistic girls mask very well until age 9 and once hormones kick in implode with anxiety and many struggle with eating issues too. EHCPs can help get adjustments or support at secondary but be prepared for a long 1-2yr fight to get one
but for us it was too little too late & our dd fell out of ms school age 12. Is there an option to explore home education? Join the HEFA - home education for all group on face book for lots support. Your local area will have a home ed network. Alt Secondary school can bring new friendship groups and opportunities.

Can camhs write a letter effectively signing her off as needing a part time timetable or phased return and recommending the trip as important for recovery?
I would also look at a referral for ND if you haven't already.
You also need to have a frank conversation with high school as the transition can often be a trigger point where things gey significantly worse. You Nedd CAMHS on board with supporting you to show she has a medical condition so that reasonable adjustments can be made.

Do you think the school will be able to keep her safe and eating enough whilst away?

I think it’s entirely reasonable for the school to be incredibly cautious about whether she attends the trip or not. They will be concerned about her safety and well-being, given that she’s barely been at school for several months and limits both her food and liquid intake.

Could you think about offering to go and stay nearby so that she attends for a few hours each day, but doesn’t stay over?

I think it is fine for the school to be cautious regarding the trip, but it is far too early for decisions on that.

You DC is ill . She is too unwell to attend full time. Make that very clear to the school they are not to stress to her about attendance. It is more important you take the time now to September to help her recover than fuss about the last weeks in primary. If you think it would help her to attend part time then do that.

(My DD missed all y11 due to MH ...)

Thank you all for taking the time to reply.

We are a very neurodiverse family and we had a NDD referral in NHS system but taking years so we've asked for a referral under the right to choose this evening. Her camhs reports have said she shows autism, ADHD, OCD traits.
I really do understand she needs to be physically well to attend, it really could be likely the week or two before she may not be well enough. But to say no know just seems wrong.
I work at her school , in a different year and have offered to attend as a member of staff or take unpaid leave and attend as a parent. This is being put forward for discussion. Id also be willing to go and stay very close by to be on call or have her collected over night and returned in the morning. I'm really up for being as flexible as possible to help, as long as it's safe.

It wouldn't be possible for me long term to home school her but I could leave my job and be home with her for a year or so with a view to supporting her to recover and get back into a supportive school. Financially I would need to work still.
I'm wondered about how long difficulties need to be present for before applying for an echp? If we get a diagnose could I go for it right away?
Many thanks

EHCP can be applied for as a parent request at any time but the more evidence you have the better. Ours took 2years to get we did have a asd diagnosis by that point but you don’t need it. However lots changed over that 2yr period not for the good. Most LAs seem to reject at every stage now forcing parents into the sendist tribunal system to appeal at every stage but 95% + win it’s a cost saving exercise by LAs. You don’t need a EHCP to get reasonable adjustments we got loads without it at secondary school in yr7 as they are so desperate to maintain attendance stats at all costs. Have you applied for DLA? We used that to help fund home education needs, whilst the system played catch-up as by that point our DD was too unwell to attend school.