DD’s friend smells of BO

[FancyMauveDreamer]

I’ve noticed it a few times now. Last time she came round, DD’s room stank.

We’re going out with her and her mum today, it’s a warm day and I’m dreading it. I’m autistic and quite sensitive to smells.

I simply can’t think of a way to bring this up with her without upsetting her.

Take a bottle of deodorant and say it’s so hot I’m going to need this does anyone else want a skoosh ?

Spray something you like the smell
of on your hand and rub it on your nose regularly so you can’t smell the bo?

You don't bring it up with her. Definitely not at that age! If it's bothering you that much you're going to have to avoid spending time with her.

If she's at your house maybe you could buy your DD a deodorant or body spray, one that youngsters will like and say to her oh they were bogof would you like the other one?
How old are they tweens? Maybe she's not in the habit yet, children get smellier when they hit puberty.
I feel for you I have a very sensitive sense of smell, so does ds unfortunately he's more likely to say loudly oh what's that smell 🤦‍♂️

Why can't you phone the mum out of ear shot of your daughter and say that when the child comes to hour house you've noticed the body odour and you have started buying xxx products for your own child and have bought extra as part of your shopping and shopping oils she like them for her own daughter to try?

How old is she? It's not really your place to say things about people needing deodorant.
If your daughter doesn't notice it mind then I'd say there's not much you can do. Other than just make sure there's a spare deodorant in the bathroom/your daughter's room?

What do you usually do when you find a smell overwhelming?

Oh my god do not do any of the above! I’m sorry but I think you just need to suck it up silently I’m afraid. This is SUCH a sensitive issue and for all you know the wee girl is already wearing deodorant, but not in the habit of putting it on properly/everyday yet due to age. I speak from experience with my own daughter who is going through early puberty, and I do notice sometimes she is a bit whiffy but that’s easier for me to handle as her parent but taking the slowly and gentle approach. My daughter is also aware of it and even after a long day when she’s been wearing deodorant can seem a bit embarassed if there is breakthrough smell. I would be mortified for me, and for my daughter, if anyone did the above as frankly I’d see right through it. I think the suggestion of the perfume on your own wrist is a good one. But please don’t add embarrassment to this situation xx

(By any of the above, I mean the comments about offering her deodorants/body sprays)

You don’t

it’s not ok for an adult to tell an unrelated child that they smell.

you can’t do this.
Whatever you need to do to cope, do it. Put perfume on, worst case cancel and say you are ill.

I would say to the child's Mum (out of ear shot of the children), that X came around on Sunday and you noticed she smelt badly of BO. Say, you felt you had to say something because you didn't want children at school to say something nasty to her. It's better for you to tell the Mum, than other children at school to start teasing your daughter's friend. To smell like that it may be more than a lack of deodorant but a lack of washing properly too.

Thanks for the suggestions.

I can’t see myself talking to her or her mum without causing offence/upset. I’m often told I’m blunt even when talking about non-sensitive things.

I wish I could avoid her but my DD gets on really well with her so don’t want to sever the friendship. They’re in Year 6/7 so not old enough to venture far out by themselves.

To the person asking what I normally do when confronted by BO. First I try to move away (e.g. move seats if on public transport). If that’s not possible, I cover my nose a scarf, which I always have on me.

I’ve got a little roll-on perfume bottle which I’ll put on my upper lip and carry in my bag for later. And just try to keep as much distance as possible from her. Ugh why is dealing with humans so difficult.

It's tricky, but most kids start to pong a bit by Y6, if not earlier. In school, I tell the whole class that it's getting whiffy and they all need to remember to wash their pits everyday and use antiperspirant. If they come into school consistently smelling, I'll speak to the parent, but often they come in clean but by 2pm they are smelling after running around at lunchtime, doing PE, getting hot etc - it's hormones and it's normal.
Using AP doesn't always work. And it's no good spraying over the top of existing smelliness, that way you get both the BO and the artificial chemical smell.
If the smell is really bothering you, just try to keep your distance and open the windows.

How is the other child’s mother not noticing? My daughter is a similar age and has just started smelling. I’ve said this to her and ensured she showers and puts on deodorant. I’ve also made it clear that I also smell if I don’t shower and use deodorant - it’s totally normal and nothing to be ashamed of, but something to be aware of. For my daughter it’s part of puberty, to be expected and shouldn’t have shame attached by anyone.

I saw you’d feel awkward talking to the other girl’s Mum about it, but you can phrase it carefully so as not to be blunt. I appreciate you’re autistic, but so am I, and preparing what I want to say ahead of time helps. Could you not frame it as better coming from you than potentially becoming ostracised by others socially? Otherwise you could bring it up with the other girl’s Mum (out of earshot) in terms of your daughter, her experience of puberty and how you’re supporting her with personal hygiene and ask what they do in their family.

It’s up to the mum to take action. My 9 year old son has BO at times. We have chatted about washing under the arms with soap, he baths daily and I remind him to put on ‘pit stick’ .

You could possibly remind your own DD in front of the other child to wash and put on antiperspirant..

If you knew the other mum well, I would say something like - ‘they are growing up so quickly aren’t they?!’ I can’t believe that DD needs to wear antiperspirant at 10 - I don’t remember BO at 10 when we were kids…

Open it up as a conversation about kids in general/ your own child.

I like the idea of talking about it in general terms.

Anyway, I survived the outing. She smelled but I was able to keep my distance as we were outdoors.