Reducing kids’ screen time - how!

[luckyluckyluck3]

Kids are 10 and 12. Busy-ish (3plus afterschool/ weekend activities). One very physically active. One arty. One ND who I worry about socially and MH wise (12) and who I have stretched screen limit with due to a physical illness a couple of months ago. Both FT working parents. I bring lots of work home but do reduced hours at work. OH does v long days.

Basically screens are a constant, it seems. Videos, Fortnite various other PS games. 12 yo can entertain themselves at home without, but 10yo ‘needs’ entertaining (taking to park, board games etc) if they’re not on screens.

I think they affect them negatively for myriad reasons and I want to cut it right back.

I will talk to them about why (I mean. They’ll know our reasons. They’ve heard). I’ll try and work out how the blazes to put limits they can’t get around on.

But any advice re the practicalities, please?! If you’ve succeeded, how??!

Can you limit to weekends or certain days ? I find that easier than say x amount of time which then gets extended. In any case, decide on a limit (involve them at that age) and then stick to it, put a timer on or whatever but the main thing is once you have set the rule you have to stick to it. Children like consistency and feel safe with clear limits. Offer alternative activities, can you get the young one into reading or audiobooks? Any toys they would play with for extended periods of time? You could also set a series of things they need to do before they can have screen time such as chores, homework or whatever you want them to do. Just remember to be firm but realistic. Good luck!

I’m watching this thread with interest. We fitted some ASUS app that lets us grant Wi-Fi access for set periods of time. There must be a better way though……

We have a weekday rule - gaming between 5 and 7 only

You can add timers to devices. We limit time on the switch as it just turns off when done. We also have a no devices day on the same day each week. Mine are into minecraft, not allowed roblox or fortnite. We are not a low screen time household and my eldest in particular would be on it all year if we agreed, so limits are needed.

Realistically, you can't do it without disruption. They will be annoyed at the status quo changing. You have to stand firm and have alternatives available. They won't just magically start playing nicely together instead.

Sending solidarity, similar position here.
I get the impression that most Mnetters have this under control, but in real life it seems that my DC are in the minority amongst their peers by having their device time restricted. It’s just a constant battle and I’m exhausted. We also have one who needs our constant involvement if he’s not on a screen. I find this hard to relate to as I was always happy alone in my bedroom at this age. Sorry, no words of wisdom but I feel the pain. I also think it’s more nuanced than people think - phone and computer use is so pervasive now (especially among adults) that there needs to be a better recognition that it’s not just as simple as turning off the wifi.

My kids were amenable to discussing how much screen time was healthy (they were slightly younger than yours are now), what reasonable screen time limits would be, and what they could be doing if they weren't on screens, what they'd feel they were missing out on if they had less screen time. They could see the bigger picture and benefits of doing more 'real' stuff, but initially found it hard to make a change to their habits. Who doesn't find it hard to break old habits and make new ones?

To make the change easier and help it stick, they need to have other things (which they want to do) available to do with all the free time they'll find they have when not on screens. You will likely need to help them prepare for all this free time if it's going to be a success, and you'll probably also need to accept that if they're off screens and interacting with each other, there likely will be more arguments, fights, mishaps, raised voices, etc. Maybe also discuss this with them ahead of limiting their screen time, so they've more realistic expectations of the challenges.

We don't have any 'hard' controls on their screen time, or fixed limits - homework is done on computers and sometimes they have lots, other times not so much. They ask if they can use their computers, get a yes or no (with a reason), and that's that. They don't have smart phones. The only games console in the house is a Wii, which requires some rearrangement of furniture to use.

My kids have activities outside of the home on 3 or 4 weekday evenings, and have some structure around some things they do at home - dinner at a fairly regular time, chores, music practice/sports training, homework, bed time. Both enjoy reading. We have outside space they can be active in, and a local park within easy walking distance, and active things they can do in the home - focus pads for martial arts practice, home fitness equipment. The arty one has plenty materials available to do their thing with. They mostly get on well together, which helps massively. The friction usually occurs when one child is happily getting on with a solo activity and the other one is bored and immediately turns to their not-wanting-to-be-bothered sibling as the easy way to solve their boredom. I know they need to argue, and that the process of arguing and reconciling afterwards is important and useful, but there are definitely times when I'm on a work call and I'd rather they were glued to screens than screaming at each other in the background. (I'd suggest if you schedule their screen time, make it coincide with when you're working and need to be undisturbed.)

Good luck!

Guys! Thank you. So much useful and entirely not patronising help here. Thank you!

I agree re IRL/mumsnet. My youngest child’s friends are online and available (and making contact) from dawn till midnight - it’s madness!

Going to plan for the long game rather than go for my usual reactionary blow up!

We have 4 boys and are quite strict - everyone must have at least 2 days no gaming every week - they choose their own days so totally within their control depending on what else they’re doing, and on those days if they’re not at activities they have to find something else to do. I happily suggest jobs that need to be done around the house for anyone mooching around.
Other rules also apply - no gaming before school or after dinner (we eat fairly late), homework must generally be done before dinner so can really only game if homework is done (relaxed a bit for the older ones who can plan their own time better) Maximum 2 hours any day of the week, including weekends (weekends also relaxed a bit for the older 2 but not officially to avoid problems with the younger ones)
Still seems like a lot of gaming to me but there are times they have to find other things to do.
Works for us. We are relaxed in a sense we don’t make anyone abandon games midway through but any pushback about coming off would mean another day or two without access, and more time around the house to do jobs.

It is hard but worth it. Removing screens creates a gap in stimulation that can be distressing until used to. It is not an easy transition but encourage anyway who recognises a problem to tackle this as soon as possible. If you are feeling hard reducing your 8 year old screen time it is a million times worse at 12!! Talking to other parents. Fixed rules that dont adjust if you are tired yourself (the hardest bit!). What works for us is Google family link and devices off at 7 or 8pm. Can set different times for different days. Importantly dont come on until after 8am so kids away to school on a school day and no incentive to get up early on weekends. You tube app removed from tv.

@LowlySeal I strongly agree on no screens in the morning - there seems to be lots of advice about helping kids to calm down before bedtime, but not much attention paid to how to keep them relaxed in the morning and not getting digitally dragged out of their beds earlier than they should be. I reckon there are lots of kids and teenagers whose sleep gets cut short at both ends of the night through the pull of the screen as soon as they're awake, and finding it really hard to leave the screen at night, and who don't realise they are chronically sleep deprived.

Sit down with your husband and decide what you are going to do and why

Call a family meeting and discuss it with dc. Ask for their input with reasoning behind and requests for changes to the plan

Step out with DH and decide if you are going to make any of the requested changes (suggest you agree to one small thing)

Go back to the family meeting and layout the new plan. Get dc to write it all out and stick the plan on the fridge and a copy in any room where there is equipment that is now limited..so next to gaming consoles etc

Decide on consequences for anyone breaking the rules and consequences for anyone nagging or whining for changes (suggest dishwasher duty for whiners)

Run it for at least 2 weeks and then have another family meeting to adjust the plan if/where needed

I have dc with special needs and I find they don't sleep if they are on screens a lot. In some ways it's easier for us as we have 5 dc and we deliberately bought only one of each device so they have to take turns so naturally they have less screen time. Although dc4 had an operation last week so everyone is having more screen time than usual at the moment.

How’s this going? Have you tried anything ?