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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

DD - friendships and changes

3 replies

curiousmind14 · 09/03/2025 17:22

Hi. Looking for some advice / perspectives! My DD is 11 in her last year of primary school. She’s very extroverted and has always enjoyed lots of friendships, however she’s had one particularly close friend throughout. Lately we’ve noticed that she seems to be a lot more withdrawn. She did write a message to a teacher about 2 months ago, stating she was unhappy at school but she didn’t know why. She told me this also. She sat for Grammar school and has passed (and secured a place). I intuited some of her despondency maybe to do with burn out from the preparation and going straight into SATs prep (seems very full on, but myself and DH have tried to reassure her it’s really not a concern for us and we’re proud of her regardless). Friendships appear much more fickle in her class. She’s mentioned being excluded a lot (by so called best friend and two other popular girls) but she says she isn’t bothered and tries to find someone who will spend time with her (I feel she is, unless I’m projecting my sensitivity onto her). DD is very sociable but isn’t into boys, make up etc. We haven’t allowed wats ap as there was a class group where I found some of the content concerning and the volume of messages (on speaking with other mums). DD says this is how they all communicate though. Appreciate this is a time of hormones flying and transition to secondary school, but I’m struggling to know how I can best help. I’ve always been very proactive in arranging outings for my DD and her friends, but DD isn’t included in any of the smaller parties now. I say on roll on high school to meet more like minded people in a bigger pool, but it’s a good few months away! And friendships have always been very important to her.

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junebirthdaygirl · 09/03/2025 21:34

A teacher here who has some experience of this year. It's very common for issues to arise as they edge closer to finishing. It's like they get pure sick of each other after all the years together. Throw in the hormones and there is constant fall outs/ changing groups etc. Hopefully they are all splitting into different schools which will change the dynamic and give them a fresh start.
Meanwhile does your dd have friends from an outside school hobbies or could she try something new to freshen things up for her. Sometimes it's no harm to speak to the teacher so she / he can keep an eye out to make sure things don't get out of hand.

curiousmind14 · 11/03/2025 18:47

@junebirthdaygirl many thanks for your reply. She has a male friend who is local who she gets on well with and that we see during holidays. She does three activities out of school but she’s relatively new to one of them and is due transfer into the teen / adult group next month. We also meet up with my old university friends in holidays and she gets on well with their children of a similar age. Overall she’s always been focused on school friends and would ask to see them regardless. Lots of spoilt off this year in twos or boyfriends though (boyfriends at 10/11!). She’s also quite unmotivated at school but she will do homework etc unprompted: she’s just not enjoying it as much as she used to.

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curiousmind14 · 11/03/2025 18:47

Split off! ;)

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