SD10 asking personal questions around my husband and sons

[August21yellowbaby]

Please nobody come at me :(

My step daughter is very vocal about changes to her body, and it's great she's not embarrassed but I am finding some things she's saying very invasive and things im not comfortable talking about infront of my husband and sons

She's 10 and whilst we were all eating dinner asked me "when did you first get discharge" I didn't reply immediately as it threw me abit, so my husband said "do you mean period" and she said no I mean discharge, the stuff that's in my knickers"

I just replied and said I can't remember and then she went on to say in more detail

When I was her age I would of never said anything like that around my dad, and we were very close, but for me that's just girl talk?

She said she had already spoken to her mum about it and had no questions, but was still pushy when it came to myself answering about my experience. I don't want to talk about this at the dinner table around my husband and sons

Am I wrong? She's not actually very close to us, it's quite a mission to actually get her to come round to our house now she's older, which I think is what makes it quite alien to me that she will just talk about this?

Sometimes I worry she's got no privacy/boundaries for herself

How did she do that?

I think she is loving making you cringe.

How did she make it sexual? Unless she started talking about actual sex and even then its a natrual function of reproduction. A vagina is a body part. It's no more than that. Its only sexual because you consider it to be so. If she was talking about her knee you wouldn't be pearl clutching and blushing.

This would make me really concerned.

On a superficial level I wouldn't be happy answering what are quite intrusive questions about my own bodily functions, especially with an audience and especially over dinner.

But more concerning is the potential that this is a question that she has been asked online by a predator and is simply replaying it.

I think either you or your DH need to speak to her about online safeguarding and that these are types of conversations never to get into with people online as they may not be who they say they are.

It's all very good saying it's fantastic to normalise conversations about periods etc, but children need to be taught the nuance about who and when to discuss this with.

I would imagine OP implies she made it sexual by somehow connecting the discharge to arousal. Which would be very concerning coming from such a young child.

She talked about discharge not arousal or sex. Vaginal discharge isn't something to be embarrassed about. If you have a Vagina you get it. Ultimately, it's just the body's way of protecting the vagina.

@August21yellowbaby should just say this isn't something I want to discuss while I'm eating. Then later on explain that it's normal to get discharge, every girl gets it because its thd body's was of protecting and lubricating itself. But, if its smelly or itchy for her to let her mum know.

You don’t have to talk about your own experience if you don’t want to but I don’t think there is anything wrong with her asking the question. Yes I agree it’s not for the dinner table but why shouldn’t men know about that?

Are you Amish or something and cloistered in a way that she only has any attention at the dinner table? You sound like she’s personally injured you in some way but this is a young girl who sounds vulnerable. Answer her questions factually and with kindness. That’s what a nice responsible adult would do.

She's pushing your buttons.
She's already spoken to her mum... there's no reason to be asking you at the dining table at all.

I agree dinner table isn't the time for these conversations.

However I do think having them is fine. I agree with others that girls bodies and periods etc needs to be talked about more.

My ds is a swimmer. Swimming and periods is a huge thing not least sanpro for swimming but the effects in training and competing. Both mums and dads openly discuss this and it feels good that it isnt hidden away.

I made a dad laugh the other week when I said I'm glad the men aren't hiding from the obvious because without us suffering periods none of you would exist

Do you spend much time around ten year old girls?

She asked questions about bodily functions to her immediate family. She didn’t get up on the pulpit during Sunday service! I see nothing to be concerned about here.

these are all perfectly normal questions. My niece is a similar age and asked all these and more. When she finally got her period (after much anticipation) her big brother was the first person she told.

Why is it embarrassing to talk about discharge, why is it inappropriate? I would have just answered oh probably I was about 11 but I I can't really remember. Then changed the subject. over with. I love the fact my daughter will talk about her period in front of her older brothers. Around the same age I remember her asking the then 13 year old if he knew anything about tampons. He gave a very factual response. I was proud of them both and nobody died of embarrassment as I would have done in the 80s. If it was about detail of discharge yes maybe that would be something not to discuss at the dinner table because he wants to go into detail but just a quick discussion about age it's hardly going into the detail.

Exactly! My daughter did the same with my stepson when he came in after not seeing him for a couple of weeks. She told him she's got her period. He was "oh cool". End of discussion.

It is down right bloody rude to talk about any bodily functions at the table. Do you want to talk about someone's bowel habits as you sit eating your beef curry ?

I would seriously question someone’s basic common sense if they can’t calmly explain to a primary school aged child that they are happy to have to conversation- just after the meal is finished.

you have reacted as if it was a 23 year old child who raised this subject, rather than a child who is curious and possibly testing boundaries.

surely any competent adult would be able to handle this without screeching g about how ‘bloody rude’ a small child is?

@ERthree Calm down love it’s not the 1950’s and it’s a child asking the question after all. Any mature adult would calmly and kindly explain all there is to be said to this innocent child about a very average bodily function and table manners. No need to get all excitable about it.

You don't sound as though you like her very much.

but I am finding some things she's saying very invasive and things im not comfortable talking about infront of my husband

You mean her father?

Sorry, her comment made me laugh. What’s the big deal about discharge. Boys won’t be traumatised by learning about a basic bodily function that women have. Neither will her dad.

The girls body is going through a massively important physiological change, home is meant to be a safe space for all children. Step child or otherwise.

Let the poor girl speak freely.

My son is in Y7 and his science homework this week had the words semen, testes, scrotum and FLUID.

What's the big deal with discharge. She's using correct language, what do you want her to say? Gunk?

I can imagine having the kind of conversation with my children (dd and ds) at the dinner table. We talk about anything and everything. They do know not to talk about it with others around but any topic of conversation goes when it’s just us.

However, that’s clearly not the case here and it does sound like she’s attention seeking. I think it’s interesting OP said when “she’s at her house”… surely OP’s house IS her house? It sounds to me like a little girl looking for more connection from the adults around her.