Tween and money

[LancsChap]

Hi all, interested in a wider perspective on an issue that's causing friction between wife and myself. Our tween son has his own nimbl card and, when he first got it, he went s bit crazy buying sweets.
Discussed this with him and explained need for care with money, not eating too much sugar (he's very sporty but don't want him getting into bad habits).
Recently couple of incidents, he spent £5 on sweets for him and friends (assures me they take turns buying) then bought a tshirt (fits and a reasonable brand) for £4 from charity shop.
I don't find this unreasonable - he gets pocket money for dusting and mowing lawn and grandad gives him £10 now and then. We are fortunately solvent so the money itself isn't an issue.
Wife gets really angry about this but I don't think it's so bad. My proposal is we take nimbl off him and give him small amount of cash, then if its gone its gone. I don't want to be so strict he ends up being deceitful - from my own experience when young this is what happens. Also, I think he is pretty well behaved and that we should be praising him for this.
My concerns -
A) don't want him being irresponsible with money but would rather he makes mistakes now than when older.
B) if this is how we cope with an issue like this, what happens when something serious happens - sure he won't manage to get to18 without the odd scrape!!
Any thoughts, observations, comments or suggestions gratefully received.

It sounds like he is using his pocket money as one would expect. What is the problem? What did you think he would spend it on?

The only issue I would have is if he spends it all on sweets and then asks you for more money to spend on other stuff that you would expect paid out of pocket money.

I have one young teen that spends a good proportion of hers in the corner shop or on food / drink of some sort and another that didn't and got bigger stuff with it.

Sorry-I don't understand. What is he supposed to spend his pocket money on?Am I missing something?

It all seems pretty normal tween behaviour. Buying a t-shirt is a good sign. I wouldn't be worried at all.

Not seeing the problem? Not like he's running up a credit card

DD1 gets £2 a week pocket money on her gohenry card. Plus extra from grandparents for good school reports etc.

She can earn extra money doing chores.

She is free to spend it on whatever she wants. That's the point. She wanted to go out with her friends yesterday but she couldn't because she had no money on her card because she bought some lipstick in Superdrug a few days earlier - that's the life lesson!

I don't see what your wife has to be angry about? He's spending his pocket money the same way most kids would. He'll learn over time that if he spends it all and doesn't have any until the next month then he needs to start budgeting better.

I'm not seeing what the issue is?

Another one not seeing the issue?

Surely the point of pocket money and the card is to encourage independence? Why does he have a card and pocket money if he's not allowed to spend it?

i can understand if all the money is always on sweets. But seriously this is a non issue.

wife is overeating.

Also - what’s the problem here? Whole point of pocket money is that they practice. I have one that spends like water (makeup), one that saves and then splurges on clothes, and one that saves and then buys tech-related stuff interspersed with lots of sweets. I got a message from child A saying she only had 78p left and couldn’t go out for coffee with friends. Theme’s the breaks. How else to learn? She also bought a prom dress she loves on Vinted for £4 and is rightly very pleased with herself. They need to learn and there’s only one way to do that.

I'm not sure what the issue is? In general, my view is that:

(a) it's good for children to have their own money (and to be allowed to spend that money), as it teaches them the value of money, how to prioritise spending, how to save and wait for what they really want. For younger children, it's a helpful aid in reinforcing numerical skills, understanding how to round up and work out what change they should get, learning the value of different coins and notes etc. Personally, I found cash was better, as I was really surprised my young child didn't understand the link between cash, which one has to earn, and a credit card. He thought if you swiped a card, you weren't actually paying anything for the item. (I can see why transitioning to a card would be useful for a teen, as card and online payments are, unfortunately, the way much of the world works now, so they need to learn that skill as well.)

(b) a child's money, whether they receive it as pocket money or, as older teens, earn it in part-time jobs, is their own to spend on what they wish.

I understand your concern about sweets but, to me, that's a conversation (or many) about everything in moderation, how to keep healthy and why that's important. It's not about spending money. As for buying a t-shirt...who cares? Why is it bad for a child to spend money on clothes they like? I guess if it was a t-shirt that had an offensive logo or slogan on it, that would warrant some discussion around respect and our wider responsibilities (and, possibly, the law, depending on what was on the shirt) rather than specifically about spending money.

Thanks for all the feedback, we rarely disagree but this has been a bone of contention - was concerned I was missing something. Wont mention this thread to wife but will start giving cash not card.

I think talking with her to understand what her concern is would be sensible. On the face of it I’m unclear why there is an issue. How does she see pocket money working/what are her expectations. I don’t think giving him money behind her back is a great plan as it’s just likely to lead to a big row when she finds out & is, legitimately, upset you’ve both ignored her wishes and lied to her

Sorry, just to clarify, meant give cash instead of the nimbl, not behind anyone's back. That way when it's gone it's gone.

Is this Nimbl card a credit card so he can spend more money than he actually has? If not and it's a card that you load with money every week and he can't spend money that he hasn't got then I can't see the difference between it and cash. Or is all his birthday money in this account and he's frittering it on sweets? In which case, put the birthday money in a different savings account

Im confused too. My daughter has a debit card. She gets £6/week on it plus extra sometimes for doing extra chores or cat sitting. She spends it as she likes. Lots of places don't take cash anymore and there are issues of kids taking money off each other at school so this solves both issues.

It's called hyperjar and it's great but there are plenty of options.

As long as he's not expecting you to give him more money once he's spent it I think what's happening is fine.

You can talk to him about cleaning his teeth when he gets back from his sweet shop binges and about how it's a good idea to always save some do you never run out but otherwise I'd try to talk to your DW about why she's feeling so angry about his spending?

Teaching him to spend and save effectively is a good skill to give him. Afterall if he's going to Uni at 18 he will be expected to make his money last him through the academic year, without you having to top him up.

Cash is a better option for financial education. Its just psychologically different. Parting with a note is not that same as swiping a card. Also get him into the habit of saving.

I think it sounds as if he's been pretty responsible so far. A few sweets, ok understandable.

£4 for a T Shirt. Impressive.

My son is 11 and I've just opened him a bank account with a debit card. He has the debit card in his bedroom, he doesn't take it out with him. It only comes out with him if we are going to somewhere where we can shop together. He still kind of has to get my permission for the purchase even though it's his money.

But you are right that it's a learning experience and he's better off making little mistakes now and being wiser by the time he's 18.

Only thing I would watch for is if his spending suddenly escalates.

I think some rules around when he can and cannot take his card out with him might help. Otherwise his sweet habit will become a daily thing and there's only one way that habit will go - up.

Another one not seeing the issue at all with him spending a few £ on sweets and a t-shirt.

My 12 year old gets £20 into his spending account and £10 into his savings account each month. He has a debit card. He buys Robux, sweets and occasionally goes out with friends and pays for bowling, cinema or Macdonald's. Standard stuff.