"Get your own life!"

[AnonymousMum37]

Hi, my son is in his first year at secondary. He didn't move up with anyone from his primary.

He seems to have settled in well and has made new friends.. but I don't know any of them! Or anything about them. I've not met them and I'm not that likely to as they all live the other direction from school to us.

It's a big change for me as I used to know his whole class well, and have friends round for playdates. I knew their parents etc.

I've tried to start conversations about his new friends. I look through his WhatsApp chats (as was our agreement before getting it) and ask questions and show interest.. last night he told me to "stop prying" and said "get your own life".

Do you know your children's friends? And should I worry that I don't?

Thanks

At secondary, no.

No, don't know them all. He still has his closest friends from primary, but made lots of new friends now too. I think it would be "so cringe mum" if I tried to contact their family haha, they make their own social plans now but to be fair quite a few have come around and seem like lovely kids.

In time I’m sure he will share details or they will come over etc or ask for lifts but has to be on his terms, it’s all new to him he doesn’t want to be that kid whose mum is a bit too involved.Just play the long game but I get it’s tough.

You will get to know them a bit. Not as well as the primary lot, but enough to feel safe when he's out with them.

Not really. Quite normal. I do check my daughters phones but o certainly wouldn't use the messages as a conversation starter. He has a point.

I think it's really odd to read his messages and make comments about what you've read to 'show interest'. That would be annoying to anyone.

Why not just encourage him to invite his friends over? Or take them out for cinema and food? That's what I did for my DD and her friends.

It’s much easier if your DC does music or drama or sport, as there are obvious ways to connect with friends’ parents - on the touchline or in the audience or in the bar afterwards AND easy conversation starters. ‘How’s Sophie’s ankle after that horrible tackle?’ ‘Toby’s solo was brilliant - did he write that himself?’

I do but my DC moved with their junior school friends to secondary and whilst there are 1 or 2 new, they’ve kept mostly consistent friendships. I get to know the parents and kids themselves by watching them play their team sports, and watching their concerts, and via birthday parties.

Do they not socialise outside of school? Or share lifts? Does he have a birthday coming up and does he want to do anything for it? That would be a good occasion to meet the kids, and briefly their parents.

He had his birthday in September before he knew anyone really, otherwise good idea.

He might have a point to be fair!

Why don't you ask if he wants to invite some of his new friends over if you want to meet them?