What is happening? Emotional 9yr old

[Eddie16]

Hi, I was wondering if anyone can help me.
My DD turned 9 in January this year, I'm guessing that the hormones are starting to fly, I have a book that explains puberty and what to expect within this change of life. We have looked at this together and I've encouraged any questions that I can answer in an age appropriate way.
She is not autistic or neuro divergent in anyway, good reports from school behaviour wise, social wise, she has a busier social life than I do with lots of play time with friends and a great relationship with family members.
My worry is that she can be emotional at times usually at home, between after school and before bed seem to be the prime hours of her having tears, wanting a hug but backing away when a hug is offered.
I've spoke to her about it, is there anything worrying her in school or home, friends etc but apart from the usual school ground squabbles and a good report from the teacher, I'm at a loss.
She gets sad, cries, and doesn't speak unless it baby talk or grunts when she gets like this. When asked, she says she doesnt know why she is sad or upset, I try to encourage a chat or hug, I follow her lead as give her some space, a snack or just some quiet time. Is it the start of puberty? General unhappiness in life?
I do have depression and anxiety which I have explained in an age appropriate way so she understands that sometimes mummy's brain doesn't quite work the way like others do. Is is possible that she has inherited my depressive tendencies?
I want to be a good mum but I'm at a loss in how to guide her through this.
Thanks in advance

but apart from the usual school ground squabbles you write this off as if it's no big deal. If you had tense relationships you and down at work how would you feel coming home everyday knowing you have to go through it all again the next day?

I'd focus on this. But I imagine hormones are playing a huge part and that's ok.
I think as long as she knows you're there for her she will be fine.

Yep both mine have gone through this stage, worst at around 9.5. Extremely emotional and negative. Also not sleeping well which didn’t help of course.

Happily in both girls it improved a lot after a few months. Hang in there.

She may find it helpful to know that sometimes hormones can make you feel sad for no reason.

Hi OP. I could have written your post! My dd is 9.5 and over the last few weeks her mood swings have been getting worse and worse. She gets upset going into school but is fine when she's in. She has meltdowns about being asked to do the smallest things like putting her school bag in her room. She's very clingy with me, we also have a 8 month old and a 6 year old step son who lives with us half the time.

I've been worrying about her having anxiety and being overwhelmed. DP also isn't the most patient with her mood swings. So I'm having to referee those two as well. It's a lot for me but I just try to remind myself and dd that it's normal and we all go through it. She said earlier (after a meltdown) that she doesn't want to be like that bless her

It's worse in the winter. Too much time spent on screens in their room followed by tears and tantrums if you suggest going for a walk.
Ensure she eats, sleeps and exercises well. Limit screen time. Spend quality time together and do simple things like make a cake, at a game, go for a walk.
Use her good moods to talk and be close
If she's in a mood let her stew in her own juices and get on with it.

Yes my DD was like this at that age. Very emotional, grumpy said she felt sad all the time and didn’t know why. I also have depression and anxiety so was concerned like you. I just told her I was here for her and It’s ok to feel sad. She’s now 13 and has the regular mood swings you would expect for a teenager. She did start her period at 10 so looking back I do think it was puberty.

Is there someone else such as another family member your DD can speak to if something bothers her? I appreciate as a loving mum you want to help, but it may be easier for your DD to talk to another family member, e.g., an aunt, big-sister type, or trusted friend (I was a sensitive soul growing up and appreciated just knowing there were family members I could trust to reach out to if I wanted a chat).
Wishing you the best of luck x

My almost 11yo DD is the same and has been for a couple of years. Body changes suggest puberty is well underway. Do you have other DC? I often find 1-2-1 time out of the house with her without her younger sister in tow really helps.

i also try to remind myself that she’s probably trying hard to “conform” at school and at home it’s her safe place to let her emotions run raw. Very tricky times though. We never know which version we are waking up
to each day!

Hi everyone, apologies for not updating.
I've read all the replies, I thank you all for the advice and suggestions.
As she is an only child and the last 'baby' in the family, it can be hard to understand what is happening.
My husband has taken a bit of a head in the sand approach to her growing up and potentially entering puberty so I've arranged a mummy and daughter date for half term so we can have a fun day together, ordered a book from amazon about puberty and organised some time with her friends. I'm hoping I can tire her out and settle into a routine that's better for all of us.

I could have written this. DS is in the exact same place. Following with sincere interest.